A prominent football columnist derided the influx of retired players into the commentary ranks. “Most of them talk through their jockstraps and the quality of football journalism suffers with it”, he commented.
He may be right on the first point, ignoring the reference to jockstraps which, as far as I’m aware have never been worn in the modern era, if ever. Perhaps there he has inadvertently provided an argument for the superiority of ex players as commentators and journalists.
But we know what he’s referring to.
Commentary boxes and television programmes filled with multiple premiership winners and if not, then out-and-out champions, and plenty of “characters”.
Blokey blokes whose smart but ill fitting suits – not designed for thick necks and enlarged lats – can’t hide the warrior underneath… or stop the laughing. Whether it’s the pain killers for permanent injuries sustained from long-playing careers, or the realisation that they don’t have to hold down a normal job, some of these ex champs – Dermott Brereton and Tony Shaw come to mind – just can’t seem to stop giggling.
The recently retired players who have become commentators like Matthew Richardson, Brett Kirk and Cameron Ling are usually interviewing ex teammates and opponents so express an annoying over-familiarity, using nicknames and engaging in chit-chat.
However, I find the vast majority of these retirees excellent commentators – assured in the calling of the games, and insightful.
They provide an important counterbalance to the nerdy non players such as Bruce McAvaney, Anthony Hudson and Gerard Whateley who have an excellent grasp of the game but lack the knowledge that comes with the brutal business of playing.
And many of the ex player commentators (and coaches) provide excellent theatre by still retaining the aggressive, if slightly unnerving, mindset of the era in which they played.
Danny Frawley can be a genuinely funny man and he and his bull-necked co-commentator Jason Dunstall make an entertaining couple but some of their joking physical tussles sometimes seem to take on a more serious tone.
And then there is that intimidating stare – the dilated pupils and eyes seemingly aglow with unspent adrenaline – common to these entertaining madmen. Dunstall and Frawley can have it. So can Dermott Brereton, and even David King, Alastair Lynch, and Gerard Healy.
Healy wasn’t a hitman as a player but he certainly is a commentating provocateur.
Throughout Monday’s On The Couch programme, he made several pointed remarks to his “special guest”, Geelong coach Chris Scott.
With his trademark aggression and disconcerting grin (is he serious or having fun?) Healy took Scott to task for his negative comments about the abusive Perth crowd (“they have rightly taken offence at that because that element is in every crowd”) and his decision to play the badly concussed Tom Hawkins this week (“Despite the fact he was KO’ed he’s recovered OK?!”).
Scott had begun to shift uncomfortably in his comfy armchair but it wasn’t until discussion turned towards his captain Joel Selwood’s reprimand for an incident involving his brother Adam that the Fox Footy’s homely set, with its trophied mantelpiece and cozy fire, became a little too warm for him.
Embarrassed by his co host’s directness, Mike Sheahan tried to find some common ground with the Geelong coach by asking: “Talking of mistakes, please tell me that you’re going to appeal the Joel Selwood decision”.
The camaraderie generated from having guest and host on the same page was torched immediately, however, by Healy who was quick to point out: “But just on the principle though, he [Joel Selwood] has gone up and principally attacked a bloke”.
Then, when the two hosts get into a mild disagreement over the severity of Selwood’s actions (Sheahan: “‘Attacked’?”), Healy decides to not only bring up Scott’s infamous role in the establishment of the rule that a player is not allowed to make deliberate contact with an injured player but also to force Sheahan to admit that Scott’s hit on the seriously injured Nick Riewoldt in 2005 was a dog act, while the perpetrator – and the man he was trying to put at ease – was sitting across from him.
Then Paul Roos, hilariously playing the diplomat, abruptly turns to Scott and changes the topic: “Can I ask you about Stevie J?.”
Healy’s comment: “When Chris and his brother [Brad] attacked Nick Riewoldt up on the Gold Coast” wasn’t entirely correct. The game wasn’t on the Gold Coast but rather at the Gabba. The second player was Mal Michael, not Brad Scott, and, to be fair, Scott’s hit on Riewoldt was more incidental as his real target was his direct opponent Aaron Hamill who shortly afterwards removed two of Scott’s teeth with his elbow.
But the jewel in the crown of this incident – as mesmerising as any on-field tiff – were Scott’s words to Healy at the end of the segment. Scott is an articulate man but you sense he’d rather let his fists do the talking. Unaware the show was still on air and with those fists pressed firmly into the arms of his chair, he suddenly turfed the polite high-pitched interviewee voice for a more threatening baritone as he called out Healy: “Are you going to apologise to Brad?”
The segment ended with the image of a leering Scott, an open-mouthed Sheahan, an embarrassed looking Roos, and a still smiling Healy. Priceless
Aggression on the ground it seems is being slowly snuffed out. Let’s hope these old boys keep it alive on the television.
Strummer Jones
Guest
Good article. I didnt see the Fox show but clearly missed something worth seeing rather than the usual 'go through the motions' interview. Agree also that retired players as commies are a hit or miss. I dislike Richardson (hopeless, no contribution whatsoever) but like Bruce McAvaney where many do not. BTs banter can be funny, but agree with some comments posted that there is a game being played and the commies can forget this. Ling, the red commie, is probably the best of the new recruits.
Macca
Guest
Andy Mack - He might be a bombers man but he goes soft on collingwood. Maybe it's because the magpies are very media savvy and have Maxwell hosting game day and doing commentary and basically pay Robbo's wages by buying column inches in the herald sun.
AndyMack
Guest
surely everyone on the planet calls them Bucks and Buddy.... its hardly crime of the century.
AndyMack
Guest
Andrew, bit confused by the overall tone of the article. You dont seem to like it when the commentators are all chummy and matey with the players and coaches, but you also seem to take objection when somelike like Healy asks some direct questions. And to point out his error is saying the GC instead of the Gabba seems a tad churlish to me.
AndyMack
Guest
Agree, certainly the most intelligent commentator out there.
AndyMack
Guest
I thought Robbo was an Essendon supporter!!!
Harryonthecoast
Guest
Boys you have nothing to be concerned about. I am a Union supporter and "0ur" crew are a cheer squad masquerading as a commentary team!!!!! Wake up Fox!!!
Cam Larkin
Roar Guru
Might just do that. Doubt they'll look at it though.
doozel
Guest
What is even worse than the ex players using the nick names of their "best mates" is damn Bruce Mcavaney calling every play using them. I nearly spew every Friday night listening to the dribble. Bucks, Buddy, etc, etc... He is old to be the grand father most of the players, embarrassing.
BigAl
Guest
Interesting point ! I remember a decade or so ago, the NFL telecasters in response to constant crticism of their commentary team(s) broadcast a game with no commentary what so ever ! The result was an absolute debacle - and criticism of commentary teams has nigh on dis-appeared.
yewonk
Guest
lol thats so true i thought he was the funniest commentator i ever heard and was the closest thing to a roy and hg origin call
BigAl
Guest
Andrew, what do you like better - Football or The Three Stooges ?
Pierce
Guest
Just on the Selwood brothers 'incident', I think the media missed the real story. While Adam and Joel were having a crack at each other, the other Selwood (Scott?) ran straight past. What the hell was he thinking and why didn't he get involved!? :-)
Brewski
Guest
Most of the time , i actually like BT, very funny line about not having to put the sprinklers on, when Jobe Watson was bringing back up blue powerade after being hit in the solarplexus. Fairly good natured banter between him and Richo from time to time. Karl Langdon from the west is good value on radio, as is Smoky Dawson, Basil Zempilas i like as well, Bruce is just fair to OK, and Commetti can be very entertaining usually. I never really watch after the game or at H/T, so maybe i miss a lot of the same question, same answers routine. If you are really interested in your footy, talk back radio, or other social media forms are the best way to get across your point or acknowledge others.
Macca
Guest
Andrew- If I wanted some knob who thought he was a comedian to talk over the top of the football I would go to the pub to watch it. The fact that BT has impulse control should exclude him from commentary not make recommend him for it. Channle 7 have deliberately tried to give Saturday night a blokey, watching the footy with you mates type feel but these blokes aren't my mates and aren't funny and all they succeed in doing is coming across like the annoying girl friends who have no interest in the game and continue to talk over the top of it all night.
Andrew Sutherland
Roar Guru
Hi BigAl and Macca, I actually don't mind Brian Taylor because he can't help himself. You must realise this a chap who during pre season trips away would conceal a small water pistol under the table and squirt teammates while they ate!
Macca
Guest
Big AL - you are right there, BT thinks he is the next Rex Hunt. I used to hate Hunt because you never knew hwere the ball, the ball seemed to be kicked 23 times and still be on the back flank then without anyone touching it it was sailing through for a goal.
Macca
Guest
Brett-o - I don't think BT is the worst caller as he doesn't actually call the game, he does rubbish comedy while the game is going on. The Saturday night team have taken one of my favourite times to wathc the blues play and turned it into a slot I loathe. Robinson is a knob, he just says things to create controversy and seems to take pleasure in getting blokes rubbed out for nothing (except if they are collingwood player then he is strangely silent)
Macca
Guest
I don't mind some of the recently retired players giving their insights but channel 7 has 2 of the worst commentary teams going around doing Saturday arvo and satruday night. The afternoon team which features Zemplis and Hamish McLachlan really struggle even to identify the teams playing let alone the players and McLahlan gives the impression he has never watched let alone played agame of football. Then we get to Saturday night where frustrated comedians Taylor, Richardson & Darcy spend the evening reading out tweets while a game of football occasionally interupts them. Meanwhile the producers make you question why you bought that big screen TV by constantly cutting down the football to 31cm so the can put their twitter address on the bottom. In a Carlton game a few weeks ago (the bulldogs game I think) the ball went out of bounds on the wing, was thrown in, the congestion cleared with a series of handballs beofre a player ran to 50 and kicked a long goal and the sole piece of football related commentary was "... Goalll!" before we quickly went to an ad break - great work BT.
BigAl
Guest
Healy is a smart cookie who setup , and I believe is still involved with, a very successful Physiotherapy practice. His intelligence shows through in his football commentary work