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Bulldogs to rethink 'dickheads' recruitment policy

1st October, 2012
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1st October, 2012
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In the bloody aftermath of James Graham’s grand final biting incident, the Canterbury Bulldogs are reportedly reconsidering their controversial ‘dickheads only’ recruitment policy.

The Bulldogs’ policy to only buy players with deep-seated psychological issues was established back in the early 1990s.

It is best described as the antithesis of the Sydney Swans’ famous “no dickheads” recruitment policy, fostered under then-coach Paul Roos and skipper Brett Kirk, which helped deliver Sydney to successive grand final appearances in 2005 and 2006.

But while the Sydney Swans’ strong club culture has born fruit in the form of AFL premierships, nationwide adulation and a rising membership base, the Bulldogs’ controversial recruitment policy has led to assorted allegations, biting incidents and general misogyny – all in all, a poor return on investment.

Following Sunday night’s 14-4 loss to the Melbourne Storm, the Bulldogs team indulged in boozy Mad Monday celebrations during which some players are alleged to have “hurled sexist slurs at female reporters” before urinating on Belmore Sports Ground in front of the media.

A Bulldogs official wearily told The Roar that it was probably time to consider a new tactic in regards to recruiting.

“We thought that to be a successful football club you need to have a bit of mongrel about you, but I now realise that urinating and biting are actually the literal acts of a ‘mongrel’ … hardly befitting of an elite organisation,” he said.

“Shit, we’ve probably got to stop recruiting dickheads, eh?”

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But this change in club culture may not take effect for some time. The Roar understands that the Bulldogs only have enough room under the salary cap next year to recruit one player that isn’t a dickhead.

Any resemblance of this article to reality is purely coincidental.

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