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The universe works in mysterious and often ironic ways. Just ask Quade Cooper or his agent Khoder Nasser.
On Wednesday, ‘Quadey’ will be dragged before the ARU to explain his moronic twitburst last month where he described the atmosphere within the Wallabies camp as ‘toxic’.
That the culture and setup was ‘destroying’ him as a player and a person, and that if he was invited to play for the Wallabies at the moment, he would likely refuse.
Perhaps he (or they) thought at the time that his manna was powerful enough to get away with it; that the Wallabies needed him more than he needed them.
But quite a lot of rugby water has flowed under the bridge since then, not least two vitally important Test matches against Argentina and the All Blacks. Guess what – they did not need him at all.
Isn’t that funny!
By holding their fire for the six weeks since his tweeting, the ARU has effectively snookered Cooper and his agent. If I were the ARU I would withdraw all previous offers and replace them with a lovely new one… at half the fee last offered. By accepting it, at least he will get to play for the Reds this coming season and possibly rebuild his wilted little mojo.
Personally, I do not give a rat’s patooty whether Cooper ever plays for Australia again, although I do feel vaguely sorry for him. He became a player whose ego ate him and there was no one there, an authority figure, to stop it.
But it happens, doesn’t it – too much good news and then along comes the universe with great big fly swat. We have seen it not only with Cooper but also with James O’Connor uttering his precious ‘brand’ comments before suffering, of all things, a lacerated liver.
Back to ‘Quadey’. You want to say to him:
“You have bitten the hand that has fed you well. Both the ARU and the Queensland Rugby Union stuck by you through troubled times and offered you a chance of redemption instead of letting you go.
“You have been disloyal to coach Robbie Deans, a decent, decent man who showed his faith in you at the risk to his own reputation, his job in fact.
“In any sense you have betrayed him.
“Betrayed, big word that, possibly too big for you. It means to be false or disloyal, if that helps. It is not commonly associated with the game of rugby union, unless someone like you comes along.
“Surely it is bad enough being despised in your homeland of New Zealand but you have now invited the same from Australian rugby fans.
“Oh, and you would like to play league with Sonny Bill Williams, would you? As a player you could not hold a candle to him because you hardly tackle – he does.
“Yes, I can see the attraction of SBW – if he lets you leech off his talents he would make you look like a better player than you actually are.
“I am not sure he needs you in his team. Tackling is a must to be successful in league and to tackle you need courage (guts, Quade) and I am entirely unconvinced you have any (guts, Quade).
“You come from the small, hard New Zealand timber town of Tokoroa where some call you a turncoat and worse, a traitor – and an a-hole. I had thought that unfair, downright mean in fact. I had some sympathy for you at the time but that has now dissipated, given your treacherous attitude to the ARU and Robbie Deans – appalling.
“But the reality is we have a scowling, mean-faced, self-serious, selfish, somewhat unbright, uppity young man boasting one arm that looks like it is covered with a snakeskin graft (supporting Spiro Zavos’ theory that more tattoos indicate less brains) and who seems to think the rugby union world should be kowtowing at his big feet.
“I have held back from writing this for quite some time. But you have finally and inevitably crossed the Rubicon (look it up Quade). I, like many rugby fans, am lost to you forever.
“Go away – like bugger off. Really. Please.”
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.