The Alternative International Rugby Awards

TheGreyGhost Roar Rookie

By TheGreyGhost, TheGreyGhost is a Roar Rookie

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98 Have your say

    With another rugby season just about done and dusted, and with the IRB Awards looking to be the usual overly political, foregone conclusion, it’s time to celebrate those who have actually provoked the most debate and excitement in season 2012.

    Nominees for the Alternative IRB awards are:

    1. Worst Refereeing Howler
    a) Wayne Barnes and Dave Pearson: For being too close, or too far away to spot Bradley Davies spear tackle on Donncha Ryan.
    b) Craig Joubert: Worst unlikely contribution to New Zealand’s Rugby World Cup campaign.
    c) Bryce Lawrence: Worst brazenly obvious contribution to New Zealand’s rugby world cup campaign.
    d) Alain Rolland: Worst timing for a referee to actually punish a tip tackle while having a French sounding name.
    e) Jonathan Kaplan: For “Keep your eye on the ball… the ball… not around the ball…the ball. Now, JK, which ball was used in the quick throw? The game ball from row Z in the stands? Or another one?”

    2. Worst Coach
    a) Andy Robinson: Worst capitulation in IRB rankings in a single year.
    b) Rob Howley: For enabling Wales to slip down the rankings faster than Warren Gatland falling from a ladder.
    c) Robbie Deans: Consistently making the worst attempts to win a Bledisloe Cup.
    d) Heyneke Meyer: For best attempt to make Springbok fans nostalgic for the good old days when P-Divvy was in the power seat.
    e) Martin Johnson: for worst attempt at a Rugby World Cup campaign.

    3. Worst Act of Thuggery
    a) Aurélien Rougerie on Richie McCaw: For worst eye gouge on an opposition captain in a Rugby World Cup final.
    b) Dean Greyling on Richie McCaw: For worst attempt to subtly imply to a referee that a flanker might be offside.
    c) Sam Warburton on Vincent Cleric: For worst attempt to get away with a tip-tackle.
    d) Andrew Hore on Bradley Davies: For worst attempt to nonchalantly knock out an opponent.
    e) Bradley Davies on Donncha Ryan: For least appropriate way to suggest a player is bound correctly to a ruck in the future.

    4. Worst Team Performance
    a) England for Rugby World Cup 2011: otherwise known as Mike Tindall’s stag.
    b) Fiji: For all of 2011/2012.
    c) France: For worst performance by a finalist in a Rugby World Cup pool.
    d) New Zealand: For that draw in Brisbane.
    e) Wales: For the tour of Australia they backed themselves to win 3-0.
    f) Ireland: For losing to New Zealand 60-0 after being an injury time drop goal shy of a win the week before.

    5. Worst off Field Indiscretion
    a) Mike Tindall: For getting caught on video with another woman in a bar, two weeks after getting married.
    b) Manu Tuilagi: For worst waterborne attempt to escape from the England team environment.
    c) James Haskell, Chris Ashton and Dylan Hartley: For “the hotel walkie-talkie incident”.
    d) Quade Coope : For worst contribution to dressing room solidarity.
    c) Eliota Sapolu Fuimaono: For worst adherence to Godwin’s law on a social media platform.

    6. Worst Kit
    a) England: For wearing All Black to a rugby competition, in New Zealand.
    b) Ireland: For wearing an All Black away strip, at home after losing 60-0 to the All Blacks.
    c) England: For the purple jump suit.
    d) New Zealand: For being a bunch of money grubbing sell outs and defiling rugby’s proudest icon with a sponsor’s logo.

    7. Worst Commentary/Pundit
    a) Ian Smith: For introducing the defeated French Captain as “Thierry Henry” in the Rugby World Cup post match interview.
    b) Murray Mexted: Occupying all Google’s top 10 hits for the search phrase “rugby commentary howler”.
    c) Zinzan Brooke: For ending every sentence on Sky TV with the word “here”.
    d) Brian Moore: The only thing more reliable than a referee ignoring a crooked scrum feed is that Brian Moore will talk for 20 minutes about it. Every. Single. Time.
    e) Phil Kearns: For suggesting every act of foul play perpetrated by a Wallaby should be legalised by the IRB.
    f) John Inverdale: For most tenuous segue to mention Jonny Wilkinson’s 2003 drop goal during every single match commentary.

    And the winners are…

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    The Crowd Says (98)

    • November 30th 2012 @ 7:03am
      Kippa said | November 30th 2012 @ 7:03am | ! Report

      E all of the above.

      • November 30th 2012 @ 6:45pm
        Hightackle said | November 30th 2012 @ 6:45pm | ! Report

        Worst reffing mo…
        The TMOs of super rugby.

        Worst coach…
        GH for proving that the 85% is not his with Arg.

        Worst act of thuggery…
        Hore for attacking from behind like Robert Ford.

        Worst team performance…

        Worst off field indiscretion…
        Quade “the rat” Cooper.

        Worst kit…
        Eng in black. (WTF)

        Worst commentary…
        J.Marshall for saying “Theyve beaten the champs” after the Chiefs beat the Saders in the super rugby playoffs. (WTF? its not 2009!)

        • December 13th 2012 @ 1:59pm
          RugbyAddict said | December 13th 2012 @ 1:59pm | ! Report

          Worst Team performance Fiji 4 sure!!!
          Just Disappointed!

    • November 30th 2012 @ 7:21am
      KevKom said | November 30th 2012 @ 7:21am | ! Report

      Presume you mean from an Aussie perspective.

      • November 30th 2012 @ 8:08am
        Ryan said | November 30th 2012 @ 8:08am | ! Report

        I was going to say the same thing.
        How Cooper, Ioane, and Higgenbotham all were omitted from Act of Thuggery pretty much sums it up really.
        Denial Denial Denial

        • November 30th 2012 @ 8:15am
          jameswm said | November 30th 2012 @ 8:15am | ! Report

          Higgers and Cooper’s acts were niggly taps. Go and play tiddlywinks if you think either was thuggery.

        • November 30th 2012 @ 9:04am
          mighty deceaser said | November 30th 2012 @ 9:04am | ! Report

          Wow, you kiwis are pretty defensive. Funny thing is, TheGreyGhost is a rabid AB supporter if this is indeed the same GreyGhost who I have seen frequenting other rugby blogs, in particular 606 and 606V2 (in a different guise). Surely you would guess this, as he rates “that draw” in Brisbane as one of the worst team performances in 2012 – unable to give the opposition any credit. A pretty funny and humorous piece deserving of extra marks as it was written by one who hails from the dour isles. My ratings are:
          1. C
          2. B
          3. D
          4. A
          5. D
          6. A and C
          7. A and B. Although the comment on Kearnsy is pretty spot on.

        • Roar Guru

          November 30th 2012 @ 11:45am
          jeznez said | November 30th 2012 @ 11:45am | ! Report

          Ryan – Cooper and Higginbotham up there in the Acts of Thuggery stakes? You’ll want to add Adam Thomson then as well won’t you?

          Personally, I don’t think any of these three are in the same ball park as the group mentioned above.

          The person unfairly treated in the Thug list is Warburton, who looked like he made an error as distinct to the other guys who were out to maim their opponents.

          Cooper, Higgers and Thomson were frustrated and niggling their opponents but there was nothing that any of the three of them did which could have caused injury.

          • November 30th 2012 @ 6:07pm
            Lippy said | November 30th 2012 @ 6:07pm | ! Report

            All of them could have caused injury. you Australian fans are in Denial. The only reason Higgers or Cooper didn’t was because their thuggish and cowardly acts were executed poorly.

            • Roar Guru

              November 30th 2012 @ 7:36pm
              jeznez said | November 30th 2012 @ 7:36pm | ! Report

              Really Lippy? And Thomson? Was his poor execution as well?

              The simple fact is that if the knees, headbutt and boots of all three players had been done with maximum force in the same manner for instance of Hore, then the recipients in all cases would have been concussed or at least required treatment.

              I find your comment that it was poor execution rather than the fact that not one of the three was seeking to knock out their opponent absolutely laughable.

              • November 30th 2012 @ 8:00pm
                Ryan said | November 30th 2012 @ 8:00pm | ! Report

                Someone hit a sore spot with you jizz?
                What is laughable is that you are trying to claim Higgenbotham and Cooper did not intend to injure McCaw.

              • November 30th 2012 @ 8:02pm
                Ryan said | November 30th 2012 @ 8:02pm | ! Report

                p.s not a word on Ioane, oh thats right you lot only like to cherry pick how silly of us to think you would actually acknowledge the crimes of your own.
                Trying to even claim Higgenbotham especially did not intend to injure Mccaw is the biggest joke I’ve heard yet

              • December 1st 2012 @ 8:59am
                Justin2 said | December 1st 2012 @ 8:59am | ! Report

                Ryan on a ranking of 1 to 10 what do you believe the force was of the knee from Cooper or Higgers? I’d say about 3 each, maybe more for Higgers than Cooper. Neither would have hurt McCaw physically that much, idnsay he’d have been more furious with the act and lack of sportsmanship from both rather than any actual pain. And fair enough too.

              • Roar Guru

                December 1st 2012 @ 1:01pm
                jeznez said | December 1st 2012 @ 1:01pm | ! Report

                Ryan, the Thomson, Cooper and Higginbotham acts have become a sore point because people keep calling them thuggish acts, when not one of the three caused any damage.

                I leave Ioane out because tip tackles are a completely different kettle of fish, I’m not going to sit here and defend Simmons either.

                Lippy and yourself both bring up a national card while ignoring that I am including Thomson in the group of players I am defending – I find that strange.

                To your comment that Higgers in particular was intending to injure McCaw – I’d suggest that if someone tried to use their knee to injure another player’s head – that they might lift their foot off the ground to give their leg freedom of movement and give themselves a chance of doing some damage.

                I’m delivering the biggest joke yet? Sorry mate, don’t think so.

              • December 1st 2012 @ 1:19pm
                Greg said | December 1st 2012 @ 1:19pm | ! Report

                How bout how higgers said he didn’t regret a thing? Us Aussies have trampled all over Andrew Hore, but if you look at the list of foul play dished out over the last year by each team, the wallabies would be top of the list.

              • Roar Guru

                December 1st 2012 @ 1:59pm
                jeznez said | December 1st 2012 @ 1:59pm | ! Report

                I applaud Hore for the remorse he has shown but condemn him for his act. Higgers I have very little issue with his act, I think it was correctly penalised and this quote from him suggests he unerstands a need to modify his behaiviour:

                “That really did point out where you could get to and where to draw the line,” he said. “It’s a physical game but I suppose it taught me that off-the-ball stuff you can leave out.”


                That comment says more to me than the bits about no regret. Seriously if you bump someone with your knee should you hold much regret?

                I’ll re-state my case Thomson, Higgers and Cooper acted inappropriately but not one of the three was seeking to maim or injure their opponents. Hore attacked with full force from behind in an animal act – they are not comparable and I do not understand people who want to lump all four acts into the same group.

              • December 1st 2012 @ 4:22pm
                El Gamba said | December 1st 2012 @ 4:22pm | ! Report

                You must be on drugs Ryan. Very good drugs. It is amazing the level of delusion displayed. Bath salts?

              • December 1st 2012 @ 5:24pm
                Greg said | December 1st 2012 @ 5:24pm | ! Report

                Jezebel, if Cooper had of copped McCaw on the chin he could have easily knocked him out, and Higgers is an out and out thug. Hores hit on Davies got what it deserved, snd was an ugly incident. But he had more provocation than either cooper or higgers, and did only hit with an open hand, it was falling on him that knocked him out.
                Keep it in perspective – they were all regretful imcidents, but to say hores was in a different league stinks of tall poppy syndrome.

              • Roar Guru

                December 1st 2012 @ 5:35pm
                jeznez said | December 1st 2012 @ 5:35pm | ! Report

                I dont follow Greg, the difference is that three guys used a fraction of the force they could bring to bear while one bloke used maximum force.

                I love that all the people who disagree with me keep making it an Aussie/Kiwi thing yet everyone ignores that I am defending Thomson as well.

                Would it be easier for you all if we just discussed Thomson and Hore? My argument stays the same.

              • December 1st 2012 @ 5:58pm
                Greg said | December 1st 2012 @ 5:58pm | ! Report

                Jezebel, both cooper and higgers used as much force as they could from the positions they were in – so I don’t think that is a valid excuse for either of them (apart from higgers knee). I am Australian – its not an Aussie kiwi thing, it’s joust that the overreaction from some people is largely due to frustrations with NZ being consistently best in the world.

              • December 1st 2012 @ 6:11pm
                Greg said | December 1st 2012 @ 6:11pm | ! Report

                By the way, I mean to call you jez not jezebel, dam auto correct!

              • Roar Guru

                December 1st 2012 @ 6:23pm
                jeznez said | December 1st 2012 @ 6:23pm | ! Report

                ha ha, jezebel is what Mum calls me when she is upset with and trying to needle me!

                It just isn’t true that Cooper used maximum force, neither he nor Higgers lifted their foot and didn’t swing their knees, would have been quite easy for either of them to deliver a lot more damage than either of them chose to do.

                Thomson didn’t follow through with his boot, had his weight on his other leg and pulled back after making contact with Strokosch’s head.

                If you can’t see it then I guess we’ll not agree.

            • December 1st 2012 @ 8:55am
              Justin2 said | December 1st 2012 @ 8:55am | ! Report

              – the acts were as you described, cowardly. But their was little intent to cause any sever harm. Had they actually wanted to do severe harm they would have put some force into their actions.

              • December 1st 2012 @ 5:47pm
                Hightackle said | December 1st 2012 @ 5:47pm | ! Report

                Quade and Higgs did not intend to injure.
                Seriously? Greyling did, Hore did but if you think little bumps like that were thuggery…
                McCaw gets more hurt when he makes an ave run or tackle.
                It was niggle, def a cheap shot but not intended to do damage of any real kind.

    • November 30th 2012 @ 8:18am
      katzilla said | November 30th 2012 @ 8:18am | ! Report

      Um. You’ve started off by claiming these are 2012 awards, then go ahead and give your awards to a bunch of 2011 incidents.
      What’s the deal? Having a hard time adjusting to the present time?
      The award for being stuck in a time warp of bitterness over your teams failed World Cup campaign – The Grey Goose

      • November 30th 2012 @ 11:15am
        Funk said | November 30th 2012 @ 11:15am | ! Report

        If he’s stuck in a time warp he has to be from nz!!

    • November 30th 2012 @ 9:12am
      TheGreyGhost said | November 30th 2012 @ 9:12am | ! Report

      All valid points. If I were an Aussie.

      • November 30th 2012 @ 10:29am
        katzilla said | November 30th 2012 @ 10:29am | ! Report

        No. Obviously South African.
        Only South Africans refer to Lawrence’s performance as an intentional favor to NZ.

    • November 30th 2012 @ 9:26am
      formeropenside said | November 30th 2012 @ 9:26am | ! Report

      4 n/a – the Wallabies take this hands down

    • Roar Rookie

      November 30th 2012 @ 10:36am
      Neuen said | November 30th 2012 @ 10:36am | ! Report

      G) Jaco Peyper for pinning Richie McCaw…. twice….. in one game!

      • Roar Guru

        November 30th 2012 @ 3:32pm
        Shop said | November 30th 2012 @ 3:32pm | ! Report

        De donde sos flaco?

        • Roar Rookie

          November 30th 2012 @ 6:16pm
          Neuen said | November 30th 2012 @ 6:16pm | ! Report

          Buenos Aires mi amigo

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