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Your NRL club’s New Year’s resolutions

Chris Chard Columnist

By Chris Chard, Chris Chard is a Roar Expert

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    Happier, huggier days for the Melbourne Storm. (AAP Image/Paul Miller)

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    The year 2013 has taken on almost mythical status among rugby league followers over the last few seasons, as a large injection of funds, a World Cup and the potential of (possibly) having a CEO mean the year could be a watershed for the code.

    Because of this, a number of NRL clubs have earmarked 2013 as their breakthrough season, the year they’ll climb to the top of the heap bloodied and victorious.

    As we all know though each journey starts with a single side step, and in the spirit of the hopelessly optimistic everywhere, clubs have decided to have a good hard look at themselves and come up with some resolutions for the coming year.

    So here’s your NRL club’s New Year’s resolutions for 2013:

    Brisbane Broncos

    To not let the fact that Queensland has won seven Origin series in a row distract us from our goals as a club. Although many of our players have contributed greatly to Queensland’s winning streak, we realise that Queensland winning seven series in a row ultimately doesn’t have any bearing on the NRL competition.
    (P.S. Queensland seven in a row!)

    Canterbury Bankstown Bulldogs

    To continue our remarkable on-field progress and go one better in 2013. That, and maybe to have shorter showers.

    Canberra Raiders

    To not complain that despite having one of the most exciting young teams in the competition and making the finals last year, that we will be getting as much free-to-air coverage as the St Michael’s School Easter Bonnet parade. That, and being tipped for the spoon. I guess that’s just us though, we don’t like to complain.

    Cronulla Sutherland Sharks

    To not rub it in to the Dragons about making the finals. And to not buy any more Tigers players. And to keep an eye on the horizon for Harold.

    Gold Coast Titans

    To be more fiscally responsible and to keep Albert Kelly on the straight and narrow… as well as Dave and Jamal out of Pancakes in Paradise long enough to play a few games.

    Kaspersky Sea Eagles

    To stop talking about Des Hasl… crap, we did it again!

    Melbourne Storm

    To continue flying the flag for rugby league expansion, with a special emphasis this year on trying to do this without making the comp as exciting and lopsided as your average Sydney to Hobart yacht race.

    Newcastle Knights

    To keep the Knights in Newcastle, Wayne in his beachside apartment and the front office team on top of the local Newcastle workplace touch footy comp. You’ve still got it, Gids!

    New Zealand Warriors

    To finally live up to our potential by channelling our inner Qi and positive energy into a holistic footballing quantum trans-dimensional balance under new spiritual mentor Matt Elliott.

    Well, that and stop getting 40 run up on us each week.

    North Queensland Cowboys

    To not let ongoing contract talks involving Johnathan Thurston distract us from, ummm, hmmm. Wait, what are we supposed to be doing again? And has anyone seen JT today?

    Parramatta Eels

    To earn back the respect of our suffering fans …and beat Penrith. And by Penrith, we mean Phil Gould.

    Penrith Panthers

    To earn back the respect of our long suffering fans…and beat Parramatta. And by Parramatta, we mean Ricky Stuart.

    St George Illawarra Dragons

    To ensure that our fine young coach Steve Price receives the full, complete, unquestionable, 100% support of the board.

    South Sydney Rabbitohs

    To make sure all our fans who purchased jerseys last August don’t have to go back into hiding again for another twenty years.

    Sydney Roosters

    To work harder to develop our own junior players, and establish a culture built on trust, loyalty and player harmony…until Quade Cooper is booted out by the ARU for dissing Robbie Deans’ hairdo on Twitter, at which point all bets are off.

    Wests Tigers

    To play a more consistent brand of football and ensure the only Benji performing at next year’s grand final isn’t some heavily tattooed nuffie torturing footy fans with pre-match entertainment mumbling.

    But what about you footy fans, anything to declare for 2013?

    Follow Chris on Twitter @Vic_Arious

    Chris Chard
    Chris Chard

    Chris Chard is a sports humour writer commenting on the often absurd nature of professional sport. A rugby league fan boy with a good blend of youth and experience taking things one week at a time, Chris has written for The Roar since 2011. Tweet him @Vic_Arious

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    The Crowd Says (23)

    • Roar Guru

      December 31st 2012 @ 1:57am
      Cameron Kellett said | December 31st 2012 @ 1:57am | ! Report

      Chris Chard I hope it wasn’t you but there is a difference between one and won. Refer to the Brisbane Broncos paragraph.

      The fact manly are called Kaspersky is quiet amusing!

      Brisbane Broncos to win the premiership, that would be a very logical new years resolution?

      Origin doesn’t have any bearing on NRL?! Haha that’s got to be a joke. Everyone says it was thanks to origin that their season was derailed, just like last year and the year before that!

      • December 31st 2012 @ 6:23am
        eagleJack said | December 31st 2012 @ 6:23am | ! Report

        Kellett, I hope it wasn’t you but there is a difference between quiet and quite. Refer to your 2nd paragraph.

        • December 31st 2012 @ 7:28am
          Jaredsbro said | December 31st 2012 @ 7:28am | ! Report

          eagleJack, I hope it wasn’t you but there is a difference beween paragraph and parragraph 😉 There you go there’s my pick for the coming new year

          • December 31st 2012 @ 9:18am
            Adrien said | December 31st 2012 @ 9:18am | ! Report

            Jaredsbro , I hope it wasn’t you but there is a difference between “beween” and “between”…haha just joking, happy new year! 😉

          • December 31st 2012 @ 10:05am
            Kasey said | December 31st 2012 @ 10:05am | ! Report

            A Parragraph would have ladder position on the y axis and the seasons on the x-axis wouldn’t it?

            • December 31st 2012 @ 10:23am
              Kasey said | December 31st 2012 @ 10:23am | ! Report

              My Sports new years resolution is to try to learn more about RL in 2013.
              I already have picked a team..St.George as they are the only team I have seen live…St. George played some games in Adelaide in the 90s and my Aunt dragged me along as a teenager.
              I was born in Nowra( which makes me a Blue I guess) so I aim to learn as much as I can by watching on the television between now and June.
              Please bear with me as I try to learn more about the game. Football will always be my #1 sport, but there’s no harm in trying something new and a live Origin game is on my sports bucket list. I want to try to learn a bit before June though so I can properly get involved..sport isn’t sport unless you’re yelling at the blind prick(s) [2 refs now isn’t it?] with a whistle is it? Cheers

        • Roar Guru

          December 31st 2012 @ 10:37am
          Cameron Kellett said | December 31st 2012 @ 10:37am | ! Report

          That’d be bloody right haha. Karma’s a ___. I’ll take that one!

          • December 31st 2012 @ 12:00pm
            eagleJack said | December 31st 2012 @ 12:00pm | ! Report

            Haha sorry couldn’t resist. Have a good new year!!

      • December 31st 2012 @ 4:28pm
        Kasey said | December 31st 2012 @ 4:28pm | ! Report

        New guy here. Why are Manly being referred to as Kaspersky? Is it a Garry Hocking(Whiskers) thing? or more like the NRMA Insurance Western Sydney Wanderers thing? DC United fans call New York Red Bulls “FC Energy drink.”

        • Roar Guru

          January 1st 2013 @ 9:18am
          Mark Young said | January 1st 2013 @ 9:18am | ! Report

          Yes it sure it Kasey

          They sent out a dopey press release announcing they have changed their name to the “Kaspersky Sea Eagles” without mentioning they would still be Manly Warringah.

          There is a general theme of poking fun and hating Manly while being secretly envious at how well they play league and insanely jealous at their success.

          • January 1st 2013 @ 9:31am
            Kasey said | January 1st 2013 @ 9:31am | ! Report

            Cheers Mark, so there’s a little bit of the modern-day Collingwood about Manly then? Modern just means better dental care for the ferals from the Magpie-land and he new found wealth of TV money. As a League newcomer I am going to have to come to terms with the various positions on the tree of the NRL clubs a bit of a “who’s who in the zoo” type of thing. I will probably try to align each NRL team to an AFL team as I know the Southern Sport a little better. Cronulla therefore become a bit like St. Kilda. Loveable losers who never quite close the deal, although the saint HAVE recorded one Premiership..
            it was such a bloody long time ago that in the minds of today’s kids the Sainters might as well be premiership-less like the Sharks.

    • Columnist

      December 31st 2012 @ 8:43am
      Dane Eldridge said | December 31st 2012 @ 8:43am | ! Report

      New Years resolution for the Players Association: make it compulsory that all players attend the Reni Maitua muay thai bootcamp in Thailand. It strengthens a jaw from wet tissue to chalk.

    • December 31st 2012 @ 9:29am
      Harry said | December 31st 2012 @ 9:29am | ! Report

      They DON’T play RL in Thailand – ONLY FOOTBALL!

    • December 31st 2012 @ 9:50am
      Ronald M said | December 31st 2012 @ 9:50am | ! Report

      Cronulla’s resolution should be to try and work out how to win a game on a level playing field whilst messers Flanagan and Stuart should learn how to lose without having a massive whinge afterwards. Sometimes it WAS just your own fault.

    • December 31st 2012 @ 3:40pm
      dishes said | December 31st 2012 @ 3:40pm | ! Report

      Ahhh, the dragons have one of the worst teams on paper this year, and the sharkies have one of the best.. What a great start to the season.

      • December 31st 2012 @ 5:13pm
        Ronald M said | December 31st 2012 @ 5:13pm | ! Report

        Dishes, you talking about Toyota cup or this year’s international tiddlywinks championships ?

        • December 31st 2012 @ 5:33pm
          dishes said | December 31st 2012 @ 5:33pm | ! Report

          No, not the Toyota cup, I’m talking about the first grade MERGED Drag-queens.

          • January 1st 2013 @ 8:49pm
            Big Time said | January 1st 2013 @ 8:49pm | ! Report

            Do you have one of those Sharks stubby holders that were released that show the club stats, including “Premierships-NIL”!

    • December 31st 2012 @ 4:13pm
      Godfrey said | December 31st 2012 @ 4:13pm | ! Report

      The Rabbitoh’s resolution should be to tell the truth about the club’s finances! And journalists should make a resolution to read the Rabbitoh annual financial reports so that they know when they’re being hoodwinked!!

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