I’m back baby. Just like the mysterious White Walkers from Game of Thrones (or a Song of Fire and Ice, if reading is your thing), I’ve risen from a cold dark place to wreak havoc on everyone south of The Wall.
A lot’s happened in sports over the past couple of months, and most of the action has taken place off the field.
To quickly recap:
A dog ate Shane Watson’s homework, the Aussie men’s 4×100 relay team put in an application for residency at St John’s College, and the Cronulla Sharks, or Essendon, or neither, successfully graduated from the Lance Armstrong School of Excellence Performance Outcomes (EPO).
Meanwhile, Ben Barba was busy auditioning for The Shire Season 2, Josh Dugan’s Joel Monaghan inspired tweet (minus the canine, Gods be praised) got him fired and Kurtley Beale put his hand up for a league contract with his best impersonation of a primate.
Giorgos Katidis has been banned from international football for his Nazi style salute, Paulo Di Canio was hired for his… and I’d hate to be in Oscar Pistorius’ shoes right now (too early?).
Oh, and Mario Balotelli was caught having a fag in a train dunny – and it wasn’t George Michael.
There’s a wonderfully enigmatic Italian maxim: “The mother of idiots is always pregnant.”
I enjoy philosopher poet Monty Python’s far less cryptic: “He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!”
So with the sporting spotlight clearly focused on men behaving badly recently, I thought it appropriate to celebrate some on-field success, and what better place than the Theatre of Dreams!
Many events in Westeros cause a chain of events to be set off, resulting in chaos, betrayal, bloodshed and treachery – or just another day in South-Western Sydney.
Similarly, when Kun Aguero shocked the footballing world with virtually the final kick of last season, cruelly taking another Premier League title out of the grasp of Sir Alex Ferguson, the balance of power in the EPL shifted.
The very foundations on which the Premier League was established were crumbling.
The four kingdoms – Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool – were in disarray.
United’s forces, shell-shocked by their end of season capitulation, were facing down forces hungrier and armed to the teeth.
Arsenal, growing fat off the success of yesteryear, lost the stomach for the fight.
Chelsea, despite a famous victory over Bayern Munich, were stricken by internal turmoil and backstabbing for political advantage.
Meanwhile, Liverpool, under the leadership of The Imp, continued to lose any form of credibility.
But like Lord Tywin Lannister, Sir Alex spent the entire summer plotting the downfall of his enemies.
A Lannister always pays his debts, and when Sir Alex Ferguson successfully signed the sell sword Robin van Persie in the off-season, he would have known that in this Game of Thrones he edged evermore closer to regaining the crown.
Despite the loss to Manchester City overnight, there’s still a healthy gap between the Noisy Neighbours and the Red Devils.
And besides, Sir Alex has seen off the challenge of many claimants to the throne – Wenger, Houllier, Mourinho, and Benitez. The final nail wasn’t put into Mancini’s coffin, but it’ll happen soon enough.
The Dothraki Warlords funding Mancini’s empire will be somewhat sated, but after another abysmal turnout in Europe, Mancini’s powder blue scarf may soon enough be a noose.
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