The scary, knife-wielding clown under the bed; the dark shadowy figure in the closet; the elephant in the corner; you know they’re there despite the assurances of your parents, but from earliest childhood we have conditioned ourselves to ignore them.
This year, a year in which Australian rugby stock looks to be heading for a 10-year high, the Wallabies have all three to contend with.
Australian Super sides are topping the table, injuries are virtually nonexistent and returning players are demonstrating that their form has not faded.
Some, after season long layoff, seem to be playing better. Others, pushed to the fore by last year’s injuries are performing to new levels.
What better time is there than now to deal with our demons?
A terrifying horde of Celts, Britons and Saxons and assorted barbarians are headed our way. They are all huge brutes dressed in bright red clown suits, and no doubt once they hit our shores and are exposed to sunlight, they will have bright red sunburned clown noses to match.
They have a scary name, but it is pure conjecture at this point to assume they are knife wielding.
Much like Caesar in the past, we have divided this horde and given each part a sound thrashing in recent times. A full half of this horde has in fact known nothing but constant defeat at our hands. And that with lesser stocks of Wallaby warriors than we have at our disposal today.
Will their combined efforts be more than the sum of their parts? History says not, so let them come out from under the bed and run themselves ragged on our sunlit iron pitches.
The shadowy closet is a different beast, a real and present threat. It torments us year after year.
We have tried night lights, blankets and closing the door, but it still haunts us.
We play sleepy confusing rugby, our brains addled from sleepless nights and out it comes, dressed all in black to take our things.
It takes our Bledisloe Cup and laughs and dances as it slips back into the shadows to await the next dark night.
Time enough! This year we have the players, we have the skills, the enemy is old and failing. This year we don’t wait meekly, this year we tear the door off the closet and face the All Black monster on its own turf. There can be no excuse for failure.
Just the elephant remains, a huge lumbering beast camped in the corner, eating us out of house and home.
He answers to Robbie ‘Dingo’ Deans, that is when he answers at all.
Robbie was hailed as a saviour when he came, the answer to a disappointing World Cup, a dearth of Bledisloe success and a Camp Wallaby in disarray and dropping down the rankings.
If we draw the line in the sand now six years on, we have a disappointing World Cup, a lack of Bledisloes, a drop in rankings and a Wallaby Camp in confusion. A sort of status quo.
He has done some good things to be sure, he won a somewhat tainted Tri Nations and blooded some exiting new talent while cleaning house.
We also had a Mandela cup or two. So yes, we now win in Bokland, but can’t take a game in Scotland.
We didn’t hire a caretaker. We were looking for someone who would build Australian rugby up, not just sweep the floors.
Perhaps more importantly, our rugby has been ugly. Ugly, tight, last ditch wins, while when we lose it’s a cricket score with gaping flaws exposed.
Deans is currently on an unchallenged extension to his contract. We would like to assume that CVs will be called for and a new contract awarded at the end of the year.
Robbie may well throw his hat in the ring; it is very hard to walk away from a job like that.
With the players in such fine form, and seemingly a wealth of depth available in most positions, we can rightly expect some success this year, probably the Lions, possibly the Bledisloe or Rugby Championship.
It would be hubris to expect them all, but we are looking so very, very good.
One outstanding coach has thrown his hat in the ring already, others may be waiting. Assuming Dingo doesn’t walk, is there any amount of success we can achieve that would justify his retention to the next Rugby World Cup and beyond?
With such a pool of talent, a whole herd of top class cattle, how much credit for a win can go to a coach who, in all fairness, has not demonstrated many of the strengths we expect from a top coach in the last five years. A coach who arguably, has not been the guiding hand in the day to day development of this peaking crop of players?
A change is as good as a holiday. Don’t change for changes sake. Only a fool changes horses mid stream. All no doubt wise words.
I say regardless of results, win or lose, it’s time. Time for change we can believe in.
Sandgroper
Guest
Hey Adam Too cryptic! Were you having a goat the title of your post or my 'handle'?
Blind Freddy
Guest
An amusing article and yes with some kernels of truth. For the future good of Australian rugby how should we deal with the coaching position? The pressure on Deans is immense, what performance indicators should we use to judge his perfomance in the Lions series? A series win at least imo.
Bazza Allblack Supporter
Roar Rookie
I enjoyed the article - fun to read and several kernels of truth... If the Kiwi teams were playing as well as the Ozzy ones in the 2013 Super competition the articles will have started aboutthe All Blacks peaking between world cups... won't miss all that bullocks... this could be the ozzies years, the current form is certainly setting expectations.....
AdamS
Roar Guru
Ben and Ben, like fixtures those two, laundry sink and the bathtub. Not special, but always there. I can't help but think, probably unfairly, that we should be able to do ...better. Particularly Gentle Ben, someone wrote of him "standing around with his hand int he air and playing with his headpiece." It struck a cord. But, yes. Dependable, a known quantity. It's hard to see Deans c..k this up, it really is. Half the 22 picks itself, the other half is probably line ball on the obvious candidates. The games I think will be won or lost on four spots, 6,8 and 12,13. Unfortunately, with the latter two, that's were Robbie likes to demonstrate his cutting insight and genius. That and a game-plan, that's worries me. The only thing I'm scared of is Tuilagi. And clowns.
AdamS
Roar Guru
This is called 'fill' Diifernt Cat. To late in the week to discuss results, too early to discuss the coming games. It's a terrible day for sports blogs, they will publish just about anything. We know you love Dingo, we know I think he is terrible. Rather than just wihinge, why don't you address the question I posed. How does this years results effect the awarding of a new Coach contract at the end of the year? Or, write your own article. But be quick, the Wednesday/Thursday fill window is closing..
AdamS
Roar Guru
Thanks. Terrible title though.. As it stands, and I put this largely down to the lack of openness and foresight in the ARU inner sanctum, we are in a situation where there is no clear winning subset. This is a terrible place to be and a clear failure in both strategy and tactics. We do poorly and Deans gets the boot, Yay, but we did poorly. We do just ok, we are in a middling twilight zone status quo We do well, Yay, but get another untendered extension. And then there is another Elephant in the corner answering to 'Link' A genuine win win seems to be not possible. To my mind the ARU should have declared the position open at the end of the year with Robbie free to reapply. Quality coaches fit to apply all currently have jobs and need more that a few weeks or months to make themselves available.
Hambone
Guest
great morning read over morning breakfast.. cheers. H.
roardog
Guest
biltongbek i continue to read about aulea playing number 8 please watch brumbies games when he has 8 on his back, at no stage has he packed or played at no 8 , he always packs in scrums at no 6 , on attacking scrums smith goes to 8 , and on defensive scrums mowen plays at 8 even though he may have 6 on his back , i have watched and recorded every brumbies game so far this season, yet people continue to push for his inclusion at 8 in the wallabies squad , why don,t they push for him in the wallabies squad at no 6 where he actually plays.
Sandgroper
Guest
AdamS Fine work keep it up. The creative stuff may be a bit scary to the unimaginative few, who I suspect may have sustained one too many collision concussions. Just keep the metaphors coming. So what are your best and worst case scenarios? We win and Robbie stays, we lose and Robbie stays or we lose and Robbie goes? I think that is the ARU matrix.
It is an opinion piece, you can differ with him, but it is still entertaining.
A Different Cat.
Guest
Good? It states Australia has "thrashed" all of thr Lions parts recently but the Wallabies lost to Scot and Ire last time they played and won in the last minute against Wales. They didnt thrash Eng either. It states that the Lions according to history are not better than it's parts but the Lions have won 15 to Australias 5 over history. Which home nations team wins against Australia 75% of the time? Then it goes on to skew everything possible against Deans without taking anything anywhere near a balanced approach to any aspect of the last few years of Wallaby play in an anti Deans rant that Adam posts on every thread in his obsessive and unhealthy campeign to rubbish Deans at every opportunity. Yeah great read.
Cause it is good? A bit of fairy tale, a bit of scary stories and a dash of humor.
Nice article Adam, excellent read, here is my two cents on this series I think Gatland wants to play ten man rugby in the sense that inside his half he isn't going to take risks, he will use his forwards and line kickers to tacticcaly stay out of his half. Only when he is in the right areas of the field will he attack, and by the looks of the selections he made, the running will be direct, no fancy stuff. He will use his big runners to punch holes and set up phases, hoping to find gaps out wide. The problem with this is that Australia has very good defence, it is well organised and you aren't going to break their defences with direct rugby, if you go look at the games where SA (who is most similar in style) thumped Australia, it was when they went wide and most importantly hit the rucks hard and cleared the ball quickly. Slow ruck ball will kill the Lions. On the other hand the Brumbies, Waratahs and Reds have on and off been playing multiphase rugby and scored some very well executed tries in super xv this season. I don't know exactly what Deans' selections will be, but there has been a few guys coming out of Super XV that adds to their stocks in the backs. If you just look at these names, some may not have experience, but they are very, very talented and excellent ball carriers, Davies, Mafi, top try scorer, Folau, top finisher, Lealiifano, excellent boot and a very good 12, Mogg, deadly from deep. And these guys aren't even Wallabies yet. But you can bet your bottom dollar they will be in the mind of Deans. Then if you look a their forwards, a front row of Robinson, Moore and Alexander/Slipper isn't going to shame them, Horwill has been good, physical and had some great ball carries this season, a combination of Hooper, Smith, Gill, Palu (hoever Deans sees it) and ther new guy not sure how to spell his name , ualua, he is the 8 for the Brumbies, they will be strong at line out time, strong at the breakdown and very mobile in their backrow. So I give the Lions the slight edge at scrumtime, but line outs and breakdowns even, and then tactic wise and playmaker wise I give it to the Wallabies. Mistakes of the Lions will be punished hard, so they can't afford to make them. I would suggest a 2-1 win to the Wallabies in a very close series decider in the last test.
A Different Cat.
Guest
Why did I read this?