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The Roar

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Couch potatoes, fire up!

Roar Guru
16th May, 2013
5

It’s shaping up to be a grueling couple of months for couch-based athletes, with an extravaganza of tours and series across two continents set to test the endurance of our best insomniac remote control kings.

We kick off with State of Origin I on 5th June in Sydney, the start of a series that divides us like no other.

As usual, NSW will win this and the Blue bravado will begin.

There’s time to regroup though, before the first British and Irish Lions Test match in Brisbane on 22 June, in which the Wallabies will trample all over Wales. Israel Folau the hero.

At this point, we will need a serious injection of caffeine and sick leave forms, as this is how it plays out:

26 June – State of Origin II in Brisbane. Queensland hot favourites, even Tom Waterhouse will close his books on this one.

29 June – BIL Test two in Melbourne. Another Wallabies victory, but closer. Folau nowhere to be seen.

29 June – Tour de France commences, with Cadel hitting good form in Italy. Goes until 21 July. With the time zone difference it’s almost as hard watching it here as it is riding it.

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6 July – BIL Test three in Sydney. Wallabies will lose this one, with Folau the villain. His first attempt at a clearing kick in rugby lands in the Parramatta River. Faced with a barrage of criticism, he walks out on rugby and straight into the Queensland State of Origin team.

10 July – Ashes Test one. Australia surprisingly competitive in a close draw.

18 July – Ashes Test two. Washed out (this is England, remember, there has to be at least one match ruined by rain).

21 July – State of Origin three. All locked up at the 79th minute mark. Johnathan Thurston chips across field, Folau flies above the pack and places the ball down for the winning try.

1 August – Ashes Test three. England wake up and it starts to get ugly for our boys.

9 August – Ashes Test four. Very ugly.

21 August – Ashes Test five. I’m not sure I’ll be able to watch this one.

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And I haven’t even included the six BIL tour games against state sides, or the 473 ODI matches that apparently fill the English cricket board’s coffers, even though nobody cares or watches them.

So carb up, taper off, sit down, grab the remote and give it your best.

Remember, leave nothing in the fridge, then you can be proud of your efforts.

Are you ready?

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