NRL coaches - mid-season health check

Ohh we’re halfway there, and as you can probably guess there are a few NRL coaches out there living on a prayer.

It’s been a funny old footy season to date, and the game’s most stressed men haven’t escaped the madness.

When the bloke with the big snoz whose only previous contribution to coaching was not knowing the rules of musical chairs is suddenly the code’s supercoach, you know things have gone a bit Les Boyd.

Coaches who were all smiles in March are now grumbling and copping a press battering Nate Myles’ forehead could not withstand, while others who had to wear a name tag to their first press conferences are bathing in the glory of the bandwagon back page boys.

For mine the NRL’s coaches fall into three camps; the studs, the slow but safe and the strugglers.

The studs

Michael Maguire
One of the NRL’s new breed of low-profile, high results coaches, Maguire has a level of job security at Souths that a North Korean dictator would die for thanks to his rampaging Rabbitohs.

Trent Robinson
Another coach who, for all you know, might be the bloke you catch nicking your newspaper every morning, Robinson has the Roosters Lamborghini-like playing squad on cruise control.

Even at the Easts, revolving doors Robbo should feel that he can at least unpack a few of the moving in boxes in his office.

Craig Bellamy
As hard as he makes it look (and sound), Craig Bellamy is as much a part of the Storm as the colour purple and ridiculous mascots.

Tried to take the heat off his side with a micro slump, but the only way Bellamy is leaving the Storm is if the new owners put a swear jar in the coaches’ box.

Geoff Toovey
Toovey managed to prove last year that he was more than just an annoying water boy and former annoying player, by proving he is a legitimate, top class annoying NRL coach.

As much as it may pain the general NRL fan, Toovey has done even better with a seemingly weaker roster this year, something we should, I guess, maybe, you know, congrat… no I can’t do it!

Shane Flanagan
Considering he got the arse at the start of the season, Flanagan could have very easily been finding something else to do with his Sundays.

But now that the Sharks have realised that ASADA is unlikely to make any sort of decisions before the next sighting of Hayley’s comet, Flan is back in charge and sitting pretty.

The slow but safe

John Cartwright
A hard call as his team, who were tipped to come last, are styling in fifth position. Also, with Carty signing a 15-year contract the bloke is more recognisable on the Coast than Captain Charger.

In saying that, the big man always seems to have a cloud hanging above him, and with the Titans submitting to the occasional blow-out he’s not quite stud material.

Des Hasler
This season Hasler has been a bit like Tom Hanks’ character in Apollo 13.

From waving to the cameras at the launch, Des is now desperately trying to keep a Bulldogs side on course for their finals destination after a severe explosion interrupted their mission in the early stages.

With three Ws on the trot though it looks like they should at least get a soft landing.

Wayne Bennett
Is Bennett’s star fading? Will he ever deliver Newcastle a premiership? And, y’know, Craig Gower?

The man has obviously done enough to be beyond question, and dumping him would be like knocking down the Sydney Opera House to build a Nandos, but Knights fans would clearly remember that he won a premiership with the Dragons in their second year.

Ivan Cleary
The position of Cleary’s former side the Warriors probably says more about his coaching ability than the position of the Panthers.

He’ll continue to drink plenty of creamy, delicious chocolate milk at Penrith as long as emperor Gould is running the show.

David Furner
Like the mobile phone you have that you’ve had for a few years and should probably replace but never seem to get around to it, there are probably better coaches to guide the talented Raiders team, but they’ll happily continue on as things are.

Michael Potter
Will be given the benefit of the doubt this season due to an injury toll dwarfing the combined seasons of M*A*S*H and some recruitment that wouldn’t look out of place at the 1999 Western Suburbs Magpies.

Ricky Stuart
The Eels board (whoever they are this week) will let Stuart hang around to see how his grand plans work out, even if only out of morbid fascination.

The strugglers

Anthony Griffin
Brisbanites tolerate mediocrity about as much as they do punters asking for ‘middies’ of beer at their local watering holes.

If Griffin can’t settle on a spine for his side then he could find himself helping out Ivan Henjak at the Centenary Wests U15 side.

Steve Price
Has signed for another year but is only marginally more popular with rabid Dragons fans than Jamie Soward. That is, somewhere between Allan Langer and the parking at Kogarah Oval.

Matthew Elliot
Has shown some signs of life in Auckland of late and will be driving dump trucks full of money up to the houses of the world’s best players, but Elliot’s position in New Zealand will remain shaky in the Isles unless they can get into the top eight.

Neil Henry
The Cowboys are on equal points with Parramatta. How is this humanly possible?

The days of the Cowboys being lovably crap are long gone, and while he’s no Murray Hurst, Henry’s quality squad is giving him nothing.

It’s high noon for Henry, and with the Origin period hurting them badly the undertakers appear to be measuring the casket.