The National Rugby League season is long and arduous, and burnout is starting to set in. Not just for players, but for the many journalists, columnists, bloggers and rumour mongerers who feed off the greatest game of all.
With 16 elite teams (okay, 15-and-a-bit taking Parra into account), representative fixtures, statewide comps and local park footy to draw from, you’d think the story resource pool would be infinite.
Yet we seem to be caught in a perpetual loop; a Groundhog Day of rugby league reporting that shows no signs of anyone writing the perfect story and getting the girl/boy in the final reel.
So, fellow Roarers, in the interests of originality, creativity and me not going into a fit of rage every time I read the morning headlines, here’s a quick reference list of the rugby league stories that have been done to death in 2013. If you sit down at the computer and start typing one of these, it’s time to Select All, Delete, and go back to the drawing board.
1. State Of Origin is killing rugby league
No, it’s not. Short-sighted scheduling is having a red-hot go, though.
2. The Queensland team is killing State Of Origin
An argument with about as much legitimacy as “guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” New South Wales selection trial by media is having a red-hot go, though.
3. Australia’s dominance is killing international rugby league
Actually, it’s England’s fault – all of their decent sportsmen are clearly playing cricket.
4. The NRL should’ve done more to keep Benji Marshall in the game
Given his best performance in 2013 was rapping in a onesie on The Footy Show’s season opener, I think the time is just about right for all involved.
5. ‘NRL In Crisis’ or variations thereof
Particularly where a multinational conglomerate’s barely-concealed agendas are masquerading as factual reporting.
6. Which [insert other code] player would make it in the NRL?
None of them. Next!
7. Which NRL player would make it in [insert other code]?
Who cares. Next!
8. Will the Raiders make a run for the finals?
Only if you all start writing them off, so please do that instead.
9. Josh Dugan’s hard luck/redemption story
One more projectile vomit on my laptop screen and I won’t be able to ever wipe the stink off.
10. Suggestions that a healthy pay packet makes a rugby league player a role model
Older, wiser politicians are on comparable six-figure salaries and most of their number haven’t set a good example for anyone in years. They’re equally adept at placing their problems at the feet of others, too.
11. Any exclusive referring to Darren Hibbert as ‘The Gazelle’
We can see through this transparent attempt to build up his ‘brand’, and none of us care about the inevitable tell-all autobiography anyway.
12. Anything with “Eels” in the headline
It’s just getting too embarrassing for all concerned. Particularly whoever sacked Daniel Anderson.
13. Lazy listicles
C’mon guys, we all know obvious click-bait when we see it.
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