Geoff Lemon's Ashes Diary: That bloody biased English weather

As if to taunt us, an hour after stumps long rays of sunlight are slanting through cloud into The Roar’s corner of Old Trafford. The nice things I said about English summers are revoked. The bastards are clearly partisan.

Patches of blue are numerous, as seagulls dine on the dry and empty field. They can all sod off.

This grouch is inspired by the couple of hours of poor weather that cost 30 overs at the end of Day 4, severely restricting Australia’s chances of forcing a win in this Test, and enhancing England’s of an anticlimactic Ashes retention.

If I didn’t want to rage against the abstract omnipotence of the weather, I could turn my attention to more earthly targets.

Complaining about umpiring now seems to part of my daily routine, a healthy bowl of All Blame to get the chutes working in the morning.

But when Marais Erasmus and Tony Hill called bad light on an afternoon when the east coast of Ireland was visible from Old Trafford’s upper terraces, I would be emotionally constipating myself to hold back a remark.

I have already made my thoughts on Umpire Hill clear, and would like to officially make him the escape goat, as David Warner’s brother would have it, for the rest of the umpires on this tour.

The call for bad light had the tang of Hill all over it: his patented method of reaching conclusions based on the complete lack of evidence to support them. According to Tony, the capital of France is Greece, and the Golden Gate Bridge is made of marmalade.

The current laws put power of interpretation solely in the hands of the umpires to call off play if they deem conditions ‘dangerous’. This only encourages extreme conservativism, because who else is to blame if someone is injured after the umpires decline to leave the field?

Surely, though, the batsmen should be allowed to decide whether they’re happy to take the risk. The acceptance of danger is part of the sport.

Originally the bat was the only piece of protective gear available, in a sport not for the faint of heart. A sound defence protected one’s corporeal being ahead of one’s wicket.

Not that the bad-light call came hours before the rain, but 35 minutes of dry weather was lost which could still prove crucial late on Day 5.

From all this talk of weather and its potential ramifications, you’ll deduce that this Test match has grown tight. Time has grown likewise, at least for Australia. As early as the long Michael Clarke and Steve Smith partnership on Day 1, this seemed a likely prospect.

Two plus-sized first innings meant that England only finished theirs half an hour before lunch this afternoon, the fourth day of play, having avoided the follow-on.

With five and a bit sessions left, Australia needed quick runs to allow themselves three to four sessions bowling at England with a handy lead. But Australia’s Test match version of throwing the bat never found its groove.

Overall the innings reached 4.77 an over, high for Tests but not the kind of T20 strike rate that could really have shellshocked England’s batting line-up. Regular wickets meant England stayed buoyant.

David Warner was a solid presence as a promoted opener, with five firmly struck boundaries in a top-scoring 41, but failed to explode the way he can, while the rest of the top order contributed double-figure scores that while useful were too low and slow.

Clarke was 30 not out when play was abandoned, taking his match tally to 217 for once dismissed.

He argued vigorously on the way off the ground: with the clock at 4:25pm, he doubtless wanted to bat a little longer before declaring to leave England an hour or so to survive before stumps.

Instead, he will have to declare overnight, and hope the same unhelpful weather patterns accommodate a full day’s play to accompany strong Australian bowling.

Let’s be honest for a moment. If Australia can’t bowl out any side in three sessions on a last-day wicket, they don’t deserve to win a Test match. They have failed to do so repeatedly in recent years.

The absence of a dangerous spinner to take command on last-day pitches has hurt them every time.

Nathan Lyon looks like a far better bowler than his returns suggest. His shape and added flight and movement are impressive. He lands his deliveries with apparent accuracy.

Yet he is too often struck through the line down the ground, and too rarely strikes himself. One bowler’s wicket in this match is his contribution, as it was at the county warm-up at Hove.

It’s true that I can’t recall seeing a bowler have more catches missed than Lyon. But over quite a reasonable career, his last-innings form is unthreatening.

So it will come down, as it ever does in cricket, to a collusion of luck and skill. Luck to have the rain stay away, luck in seeing some of the tipping-point moments go the way of the Australians.

If they can start half an hour early, make use of heavy cloud and a new ball, find swing from Starc and seam from Harris and both of the above plus venom from Siddle, things could start to happen.

Australia have knocked over England’s top order cheaply several times this series. They must do it again to have any chance.

England will not pursue 331: Cook’s safety-first mentality will see to that, with only a draw required to keep the Ashes.

But as we saw against New Zealand recently, England do look vulnerable when they just try to defend. Being becalmed suits batsmen of this era no more than it did an Ancient Mariner once upon a time.

Three early wickets, and it will be down once again to the likes of Bell and Prior to save them. Once again, they probably will. But for now, there’s still a chance.

Unless that bloody partisan weather gets there first.