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Ban the Parramatta Eels from TV

25th August, 2013
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Have a bit of sympathy for Ricky, will ya? (AAP Image/Action Photographics, Charles Knight)
Expert
25th August, 2013
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3781 Reads

Banning things has become a trademark of the new ARL Comission. The shoulder charge. Fighting. Wati the Streaker’s backside.

If Dave Smith is fair dinkum however he’ll step in with one more much needed exclusion – the banning of the Parramatta Eels from television.

While such a decision may sound extreme, it is one that is clearly in the wider public’s best interests and actually far less drastic than many ideas being proposed by the angry mobs.

A quick scout of the interwebs reveals that a number of frustrated punters have taken umbrage at Parra’s pathetic performances, and have called for them to be dumped for the remaining two rounds of the NRL competition and be replaced with the Newtown Jets, Mackay Cutters or Wally Lewis’ Kentucky Fried Chicken XIII.

And those are just Ricky Stuart’s ideas!

While such a move might be the most palatable, not only would it be a logistical nightmare but it would also wrongly deny other teams the chance to improve their for and against, as well as blokes from the Dragons and Knights who are desperately trying to avoid the end of year nude run.

No, Parramatta’s final two matches must go ahead…but it doesn’t mean the wider public should be subjected to them.

There I was yesterday just flicking through the channels when suddenly, with no appropriate content warning, comes on a footballing performance so devoid of moral fibre that I had to watch my VHS of the 1989 grand final three times just so I could sleep last night.

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Now fair enough if the Eels footy flagellation had been shown on SBS after 11 on a Friday night with an R rating (for rubbish), but his was four o’clock in the afternoon! On free-to-air telly!

What about the impressionable young kids sitting at home who are now scarred for life? Makes me feel ill it does.

Sure you’ll never stop a few sickos turning up to games, records show that Lions versus Christians matches had a pretty decent crowd average even without the jumping castles, but beaming the Eels matches to millions of households under the guise of family entertainment is borderline irresponsible.

Now no doubt there are those out there reading this thinking “Yeah but if the TV stations lose an NRL game the resulting panic will create a tear in the footy space-time continuum that will lead to an alternate universe where the Hunter Mariners are battling the South Queensland Crushers for the Storm Financial Premiership and Mal Meninga is campaigning for a sixth straight term in office.”

Lucky then there’s plenty of other great footy going on to fill the timeslot vacated by Parra.

Just this weekend saw the Challenge Cup being played in England, even which a replay of would have far bettered the Parra versus Storm match.

Also its finals season in most local footy comps, how good would it be to see a few of them on the tube?

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You can’t tell me that the Murwillumbah Mustangs versus Grafton Ghosts grand final qualifier wouldn’t be infinitely more appetising than Parra versus the Dragons this weekend. Hell, the ‘Stangas even wear blue and gold too!

So come on NRL, let’s think inside the box here, think about the sport’s reputation.

And most importantly for crying out loud please think of the children!

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