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My NRL Footy Show panel for 2014

Robbie Farah, always one to court controversy. (Image courtesy FoxSports)
Roar Pro
12th September, 2013
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4642 Reads

It goes without saying that Channel Nine’s so-called ‘Footy Show’ has become the most atrocious prime-time TV show next to Big Brother.

I have come up with a panel to replace the current line-up of Fatty, Slats, legend-in-his-own-lunchbox Beau Ryan, The Big Maaaarn and restore the Footy Show to what it used to be – watchable.

Before I begin: I’m only writing this because the Footy Show will air next year – if I had my way it would have been cancelled two or three years ago.

Fatty’s replacement: Ray Hadley
I can hear the mob coming already.

I know he’s not everyone’s cup of tea but Hadley is a passionate and knowledgeable voice of rugby league.

We all know he’s not made for live television commentary with his ‘SmithfromdummyhalftoFinchwhopassesittoCronkwhokicksafieldgoal’ style of calling.

He would chair the panel well and offer the strong opinion that has been blatantly absent from the Footy Show in recent years.

They’ve swept up logie after logie purely through lack of competition but now with three far better options for viewers – NRL 360, Sterlo and Monday night – Channel Nine needs to make changes and it starts with Fatty.

Slats’ replacement:
Anyone with just one brain cell containing a pinch of league knowledge or worthwhile opinion… Oikee maybe?

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Beau Ryan’s replacement: Matty Johns
I would petition strongly if Fox Sports ever cancelled Monday Night, but I’d let Matty leave if it was to return to Channel Nine to resurrect the Footy Show and restore it to its former glory.

It’s no surprise that they’ve started to include more ‘vintage’ footage of the show from the golden years in more recent episodes, and Matty Johns is the very first thing that comes to mind when I ask myself what used to make the show great.

He rejected an offer to return because Channel Nine wouldn’t sack the Vautin, so problem solved if Ray Hadley gets the nod.

The Big Maaaarn’s replacement: Nobody
I want to regain the airtime (and huge amount of panel space) he is currently wasting.

The hardest thing to stomach about the current Footy Show is that it is so much worse than what it used to be. It’s never been the most analytical or opinionated show but it used to be great.

Ray Hadley will provide the right dose of solid rugby league chat, Matty Johns is one of the funniest blokes in television and whoever was eventually chosen to replace Slats would simply be better than him.

It’s disheartening to think that (even though I’m not the only one that hates the Footy Show) we’ll more than likely see the same panel next year, avoiding any actual conversation about footy and the same low-brow imitative style of comedy that Beau Ryan spews out.