Same same... but oh so different

Either side of the Tasman, the rugby results remained the same this week. The Southern Hemisphere sides notched a second win each, securing series wins in doing so.

But how, how different these two games were, both in comparison to the corresponding fixtures a week earlier, and to each other.

Australia’s 6-0 win over France was almost comically dire and a genuine chore to watch back, especially for Wallabies fans who’d been treated to such an exhibition in Brisbane a week earlier. Ultimately, the result – a sixth win on the bounce – is what matters, but the Wallabies tactics were curious.

After serving up sophisticated, exhilarating fare last week, they dumbed their game right down with a mix of poor, pointless kicks and showed little intention to flick the ball through the sumptuous, supple hands of their outside backs.

Last week I used this column to harp on about improvement and, while this was a half step backwards for the Wallabies after Brisbane’s hop, skip and jump forward, credit must go to the French. They’ve looked a basket case for much of the time since the last World Cup, but in Melbourne they managed to restore a modicum of pride to their famous jersey.

It feels peculiar praising the improvement of a side who failed to get on the scoresheet and managed 23 points less than the week before but they really were a good deal better. They competed hard at the breakdown, spoiled effectively and, in Morgan Parra and Remi Tales, the found halves who gave them direction.

Guilhem Guirado is the latest international to join Toulon’s star-studded roster (and if reports in France are correct the club are making a concerted effort to get Izzy Folau to join him very soon) and looked the part at hooker, while the returning Thierry Dusautoir and Yannick Nyanga bolstered the breakdown and kept the Aussies honest.

As dour as it all was, the Aussies won ugly in a way that they’ve failed to in the past. They will be relieved that 2014 is yet to stage a repeat of the embarrassing mid-year defeats of 2011 and 2012. It was their lowest winning score for 87 years, but a win it was. Now it’s onwards to Sydney and, hopefully, back to the way they played in Brisbane.

While the Wallabies themselves shouldn’t dwell on the fixture for too long, the ARU may well. As I tried to prevent myself from dozing off, all I could think about was how cold, bored and disengaged those unfortunate enough to be there looked and how few new friends the game of rugby was making in AFL-mad Melbourne.

Ticket prices tumbled in the week prior to the game but it’s difficult to think of a price that could be considered a bargain for that. They can put the wonderful Honey Badger up in front of the press all they like, but if the product looks like this, it ain’t going to shift too many units.

The action in Dunedin was every bit as exciting as Docklands was dour as the All Blacks put on a third quarter clinic to stymie English hopes of heading to Hamilton 1-1.

After a first Test full of thrills and spills, expectation was high from both sides – England due to the return of many of their so-called first-choicers and New Zealand because, well, they just expect wins. From the word go the atmosphere – from an ultra rousing haka to England’s flying start – felt more energised than the week before.

As the game wore on, England were sucked into committing cardinal sins. They failed to translate early dominance into more than one Marland Yarde score and then, as the ante was upped by the rampant All Blacks, they looked to play the hosts at their own game.

Inevitably they were savaged. The bear had been poked.

From minutes 40-60, the All Blacks were scintillating, feasting on turnover ball and playing at a pace England, actually nobody, could live with.

Ben Smith has waited long enough for his chance at fullback and duly delivered. It could be a long way back for Israel Dagg who will miss out with injury once again this week.

Smith looked to run every time he fielded the ball, invariably beat the first man and made 130 metres across 20 carries, scored a try and produced the greatest covering tackle I’ve ever seen on Manu Tuilagi. Covering the 80 metres to snag the 115kg Samoan was one thing, but to prevent him getting the ball away with oncoming support another entirely. It was simply magnificent defensive work.

As an aside, I received my first insight into the reverence reserved for the Patron Saint of Rugby Richie McCaw down in Dunedin. First there was public outrage as the normally fawning, sycophantic local press had the temerity to start questioning his highness.

Then Saint Richie made 12 tackles (the top Kiwi, but Geoff Parling made 18) and forced a couple of turnovers at the Forsyth Barr and the hagiographies and homages returned to the Sunday papers across the land. A fine performance, sure, but the one thing they all failed to mention? That he allowed Yarde to stomp straight through him for England’s first try. Had you relied on local accounts alone, you’d have been forgiven for thinking McCaw’s performance was the finest by a loose forward in living memory.

Last week the stats were heavily in England’s favour, but this time round the All Blacks dominated possession, territory, carries and metres, while England missed a whopping 32 tackles.

Their lineout wasn’t as slick, the scrum came under pressure and their returning halves, Danny Care and Owen Farrell, looked off the pace at the end of a long season.

Tuilagi wasn’t exposed technically or tactically on the wing but England’s coaching staff did get the call wrong – the midfield looked a whole lot less threatening without him and he’ll surely be back at 13 in Hamilton.

This England team are an honest bunch, set themselves high standards and won’t be shying away from the truth: that really was one of the heaviest one-point hidings you’re ever likely to see.