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Knock knock
Who’s there?
Urine
Urine who?
Urine idiot, Greg Bird
In the coincidence of the week, one of my best mates got married on the same afternoon as Greg Bird. My friend gave his beautiful bride a new Taylor Guitar as a wedding present. Greg gave his wife a felonious headline.
The Gold Coast Titans’ co-captain celebrated his wedding nuptials by urinating on a vehicle in Byron Bay, which just so happens to be the way I want to wrap up my wedding day.
There is contention as to whether he did the deed on a police car, but he can take solace in the fact that police vehicles are often hard to identify as they have no significant markings or obvious additions to the exterior.
I was shocked. I thought birds were notorious for crapping on cars?
It did tickle me that Greg Bird even referred to the incident as putting a ‘dampener’ on his big day. It seems his sense of decency may have been replaced with a sense of irony.
Yet, it’s not just Bird, it seems NRL players just love taking the piss, or at least expelling it in a public. The off-field highlight of the 2014 season was in the same vein, when Todd Carney showed off his aim with his ‘old fella’.
After being all but tossed out of the country for the act, French Super League side said ‘Oui oui’ to the disgraced footballer. Maybe there was something lost in translation on that contract deal…
In past few years, the likes of Willie Mason, Anthony Watmough, Sam Tomkins and Terrance Seu Seu have all been busted for a ‘public piddle’. I wouldn’t be surprised if Nathan Tinkler wanted to sell his Newcastle Knights, it’s just not a code he would want to put his name to.
However, I’m sure Nate Myles couldn’t give a crap. The Queensland and Australian representative is still at the top of the tree on this subject after defecating in a hotel hallway during the 2009 Origin series.
Myles referred to the misdemeanour as an ‘accident’, although quite an apt description I feel it may have played out like a more intoxicated and more frightening version of a Mr Bean episode.
So what’s the NRL to do? I know that when my friend brought her new puppy home she rubbed his nose in any ‘accidents’ on the carpet. Perhaps the NRL could implement a similar strategy for those with similar bladder bust-ups.
Otherwise, I feel the only answer is for the Powers-that-be to build designated locations for the players to relieve themselves. They could even have individual stalls so that the players have privacy when doing their business. Outrageous concept, but it may catch on!
As the NRL try to flush away the transgressions of the year, we all look to 2015 and hope the players can clean up their act, and their behaviour. With so many of these indiscretions being alcohol related, something’s got to give with the culture of the NRL.
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