MS Dhoni woke up with the sun. It was his first day as an ex-Test captain of India. He rolled up the special silk Star of India foot mat the BCCI gifts every captain, and the gold toothbrush his mother gave him.
He was not concerned. The World Cup and Twenty20 captaincy remained and he wanted to win, especially in Australia.
The MCG draw was a good sign. India were on their way back. It was the right time to retire. He felt refreshed, not sad.
He remembered drinks with the Australians at Mount Macedon. Mt Macedon is a cool leafy place, a throw-back to Victoria’s colonialist past. Mahi liked it. It reminded him of his days as a ticket collector on the railways.
Mahi and Virat Kohli led the team to the bar area. It was decked out in Dhoni memorabilia. Steven ‘Trapper’ Smith and the Channel Nine commentary team welcomed them. Ian Chappell could barely contain his enthusiasm.
“Timely decision MSD,” he said.
“When you hear the knock at the door you open it.”
Mahi held no grudges against anyone, except bowlers that leaked runs. He disliked no one, yet he chose his friends carefully. Mahi moved towards the tray of curry pies and sausage rolls, left over from the 24 balls not bowled in the Test, arm in arm with Chappelli and Bill Lawry. Warnie was already there sifting the pile like an opal miner.
Bill saw Warnie shape a bloated grin and realised he had a mouth stuffed with one of the georgeous little beauties.
“You are the greatest Warnie” he said, as he began to prise the loaded plate from Warnie’s grip.
Warnie didn’t mind, he knew Bill loved him. His own grip on the plate tightened until Bill let loose a string of obscenities under his breath including a specious threat to call Richie Benaud in Coogee, and gave the plate a big yank. Warnie demanded a truce. Bill could have one pie without sauce while Warnie called Richie.
“Richie Benaud here. Is that you Tubby you bastard. When is Channel Nine going to fix my bloody car?” he answered
“It’s Warnie, Richie. Warnie.”
“Ahh, Warnie. Are you fixing my bloody car?”
“No Richie. I’m Australia’s greatest spinner.”
“No you prat, that’s me. Richie. I know who you are. Mr Negative. I can smell your red jocks from here. What do you want?”
“It’s Bill, Richie.”
“Tell him to go…”
“No Richie, it’s the party pies.”
“Shit Warnie. Don’t you know Bill gets first choice. First you want my records, then my commentary spot…”
“Bye, Richie.”
Warnie closed the call and said to Bill, “Richie says you can have two more pies and a beer to wash it down”.
“Bugger, is that all. Let me speak to Richie!”
“He’s having a nap before play begins and doesn’t want to be disturbed.”
“But no one is playing today.”
Mahi observed it all without expression. His captaincy was different from Richie’s old car. He hoped Virat would win the Sydney Test, and he would win the World Cup. Party pies are so tasteless.
Mahi moved around the room adding snippets here and there to the general hubbub.
Trapper was talking to Kohli. Virat nodded, “Your declaration was superbly timed”.
“We didn’t think you could survive… any of you,” Trapper smiled.
He had been saving this sledge since the first Test. Virat was taken aback. He looked for Mahi who cocked his head like a greying bull terrier as if to say ‘its your problem now Astro Boy’.
Virat pulled from his back pocket the official BCCI Guide to Match Winning Declarations in the IPL. It was well thumbed. Mahi had added many practical annotations. He read one.
“If you ever happen to be in a match winning position, declare. Pray your good luck continues.”
He ripped out the page.
Trapper grinned and handed over his Captain’s Guide to Sporting Declarations. Michael Clarke had rewritten it for the first time in 15 years. “Don’t declare until Bill complains.”
Virat smiled, “No hard feelings then?”
“None”
Trapper laughed and said, “A ship in the harbour is safe, but that is not what it is built for”. He didn’t know what it meant, he had lifted it from a sponsors add during an over break. Ajinkya Rahane, who was passing by, thought it had something to do with running out your partner, but he wasn’t sure.
The drinks session wound up. Trapper gave a speech praising Mahi as a perfect captain, a winner in India and loser everywhere else. Mahi replied graciously as always. He never heard any sledging while he was captain, he was always behind the stumps wondering why his bowlers couldn’t bowl a single corridor. Maybe it would change now he wasn’t the captain.
michael steel
Guest
Art, I think it's time your comments were submitted as articles. They are article length and they will get more views and more interest.
art pagonis
Guest
Firstly, I think it’s very disrespectful for Cricket Australia to start the Pink Test Match at 10.30am AEST when I’m sleeping here in Perth. Yes, that’s right. They started the blessed Test at 7.30am Perth time. I’ll have to have words with that blooming James Sutherland. I mean they start the BBL games here in Perth at 4.00pm when it’s 45 degrees to sate the pleasures of those Eastern Staters (all 20 million of them), while we 2 and a bit million in Perth get the raw end of the pineapple…or the sharks’ teeth, whichever comes first. No parity whatsoever. I mean the A-League soccer started in Perth the other day and all 22 players and 5000 spectators on the eastern side of NIB stadium had sunstroke by half time…and I’m not kidding. 44.2 C yesterday…36 today….how’d you fancy having a kick around in those conditions? Look, that’s not what I’m griping about today. I’ve got far bigger fish to fry. Like Messrs Shastri and Dhoni and Fletcher of the once credible Indian cricket team. I mean please…this is the bunch of vagabonds that flogged Australia 4 nil in India?????? I don’t think so….and of course it’s not. No Dhoni…too tired! No Sehwag, no Sachin, no Jadeja, no Ohja, no Harbijan, no Zaheer, no Dharwan, no bloody anybody…and even then they don’t pick Aaron or even another frontline spinner. Raina flops down a few overs of non-descript nothing, the 3 quicks all looked sick and Ashwin, the only real professional bowler in their ranks, gets 1/88 in 28 overs. If you are going to go down, do so with a huge fight, not with a whimper. This was the worst team they could have picked with the Squad they had. And why would you miss the First Test, play 2 and then retire from Tests????? It beggars belief. It is fine for Michael Clarke to laud MS Dhoni as an Indian hero, but this departure of his was very lame. One could sense from the minute they lost the toss today they were only passive participants….and Dhoni has to shoulder much of the blame. And truly, 2/348 could easily have been 2/400 if Shane Watson were in belligerent mood. This was the cautious Shane Watson, the one that should have been at the crease for Australia at no. 3 all along. Not the Millionaire on a beer budget that we’ve had for 2 years. The shagrined Shane admitting that he had sinned was the right Shane for Australia, and always has been….and as long as he continues to be responsible, he should play. Every bowler who bowled today for India had some sort of medical attention. They ran, make that dawdled to the wicket, like they were headed to the operating theatre for hip surgery. Kumar should never have played. Dhoni should have, Dharwan too, Aaron also and Sharma the leg spinner. It is quite simply the worst Indian team selected in the past 10 years. As far as selection policy goes, Australian Selectors back their men…mostly. Watson might not be here if it weren’t for Rod, Darren, Mark and Trevor. At one point Haddin and Shaun Marsh were very questionable. Even Chris Rogers. Joe Burns could call himself fortunate, Ashton Agar too. Steve Smith is captain…that would never have happened in India. Mitchell Starc has been persevered with. Nathan Lyon was on the cliff edge at the start of this series. And anyone who says otherwise can’t tell truth from fiction. Australia aren’t in the middle of some Golden Run like Steve Waugh’s great teams, or Mark Taylors. They now play in the Sausage Factory era where one never knows if one will be playing T20 one day, Tests the next. This LACK OF A PROPER WORLD SCHEDULE has destroyed the continuity of many world cricketers. That said, the strong ones shine thru, not quit or fall into mental disrepair. Australian cricketers are tough people. Indian fast bowlers are not. Some of their bats are not. Their fielders are not. They do not understand what “Test” means. Winning 4 nil in India by producing turners is tantamount to cheating. It is not in the best interests of cricket…AND IT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO A REFLECTION ON WHAT GAP THERE IS BETWEEN INDIAN AND AUSTRALIAN CRICKET. India could never point to Australia and say “You produced 4 lightning fast, bouncing tracks” because that quite simply would be a fabrication of the truth. Indian Cricket needs to clean its’ act up. It can start with its’ wickets. It needs to look itself in the mirror. It has accused Greg Chappell of all kinds of “abrasiveness” when he was quite simply telling the Indian Cricketers what I am saying now. They need to get fit, get tough, get 10 quicks who can hit postage stamps and play to a plan.