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Drugs in sport: Set them free

Roar Guru
19th March, 2015
2

Drugs in sport. It continues to become more and more of an issue in this modern age of science and professionalism.

Despite recently nabbing perpetrators like Martin Kennedy and Ryan Crowley, the improvement and development of drugs are continually occurring at a pace too great for the authorities to manage.

So maybe it’s time to relent to the force. Maybe it’s time for sport to improve with drugs?

Rather than being touted as villains, why aren’t names such as Armstrong, Bonds, Cousins, Cronulla, Dank, Essendon, Johnson, Ferrari, Hird, Johns, Saad, Earl and Warne celebrated as pioneers?

Let’s be fair. At the end of the day, they’ve only ever wanted to find premium performances in their chosen fields.

Not only have they strived for excellence, these guys have also exposed to the public domain what has been hidden behind closed doors for years and years. They’ve done us a favour.

So let’s lift these archaic restrictions that are being applied by establishments like ASADA, UCI, WADA or any other Mickey Mouse organisation for that matter.

Imagine the scintillating times that Usain Bolt could run over the 100 metres if he was doped up on every performance-enhancing drug known to man?

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Imagine how many repeat hit ups and squirrel grips Paul Gallen could produce if Stephen Dank was allowed free reign to pump him solid like the chickens and mice in his laboratory?

Everybody saw how good Benny Cousins and Joey Johns were at their respective codes. Imagine if every single player was juiced up and off guts every week. It would be State of Origin and grand final standard games on tap!

And what about Brendan Goddard? How many tears would flow after belting St Kilda if coach James Hird was able to freely ply him with special ‘athlete’s botox’?

It just works. Heck, even had we adopted this approach earlier, we could’ve avoided controversy with the Nick Dal Santo photos, as nobody would’ve seen his wang had he been subjected to years of steroid abuse.

And who remembers the Chinese swimmer Sun Yang? Why aren’t the Australian Swimming team allowed to scramble for some of the supplements? Maybe then they wouldn’t be relying on grants from the Laurie Lawrence swimming school for survival.

The whole thing is a joke, and it’s an even bigger joke when it comes to the cyclists. Why wouldn’t the governing body allow these blokes to be off their heads? How else could you have a bike seat up your clacker for hours on end, day after day?

And what about the thrill of witnessing the distance that Barry Bonds could tonk a baseball? Why not have an endless supply in our summer pursuit?

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Imagine the increase in performance that could be drawn from cricketing nerds like Chris Rogers and Ed Cowan.

I challenge any anti-doping apologist to look in the mirror and ask themselves this: how are today’s professional athletes expected to stay across what’s on the banned and what’s not on the banned list? It’s just not possible.

So let’s just make it easy for everyone. Scrap the ban list and make it a free for all. Then let’s sit back and enjoy watching the standards of sports increase and the personal records tumble.

Throw off the shackles, and let’s get injecting!

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