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The idiot's guide to booing Adam Goodes

Roar Rookie
29th May, 2015
129
19517 Reads

Are you being called a racist for booing Adam Goodes? Feeling a bit under the pump because you’re totally not racist and you definitely know that because you have that black friend/coworker?

Well worry no more, because here is the Idiot’s Guide to Booing Adam Goodes! No more shall you be accused of being a ‘racist bogan’ or ‘belonging to the worst fan-base in the AFL’, because you’ll be armed with all the right and wrong excuses to defend your boorish but apparently justified behaviour.

After reading the below, you’ll be able to demonstrate clearly and effectively just why you choose to boo him.

Let’s start.

Excuse No. 1
“He’s a sook and milks free kicks. Let’s boo him”

The author hasn’t heard the word “sook” since he was in the third grade but it’s a word that still pops up on Facebook in reference to Adam Goodes. We all know that Adam Goodes is a sook for pleading with umpires about free kicks.

We also know that no one else milks frees either, except for Luke Shuey. And Scott Selwood. And Joel Selwood. And Lindsey Thomas. And Anthony Miles. And Paul Puopolo. And Allen Christensen. But like, besides all those guys and others in the league only Goodesy milks kicks.

It deserves booing, right? ‘Cos those other guys get booed too, for the same thing.

Right guys? Guys?

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Verdict: Boo Goodesy – if you’re booing the others too, I guess.

Excuse No. 2
“He won Australian of the Year and didn’t even do anything to deserve it. Let’s boo him”

Goodesy is a footballer. Why would a footballer win Australian of the Year? Hell, why would anyone prominent deserve to be AOTY? Goodes just plays footy.

Ita Buttrose just edits magazines, Lee Kernaghan just sings country songs. None of them did squat to earn it. They all deserve to be booed. Next time Kernaghan’s in town, I’m just going to abuse him as he strums into Boys from the Bush.

Guys, these people are just rich fat cats in their ivory towers. They haven’t done anything for anybody. They haven’t set up foundations from scratch that help indigenous youth by promoting education, employment and healthy lifestyles.

They haven’t blazed trails for women and used their public profiles to raise awareness of breast cancer and HIV/AIDS.

They definitely haven’t supported rural communities through extended periods of drought and they… wait, hang on – no, sorry they’ve actually done all of those things.

Verdict: Boo him because he’s a footballer, and no one prominent should win, right? He’s helping troubled kids, but he’s a footballer so… boo?

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Excuse No. 3
“He singled out that poor girl at the Collingwood game. Let’s boo him”

That’s it! I’m putting my foot down now. You cannot single out children. That’s a step too far. How can a grown man single out a teenage girl for using a racist remark against him? All she did was throw out a racial epithet. So what if it’s ingrained in her? He pointed her out and that’s way worse.

Think of that poor girl for a minute. She’s just there at the Collingwood game with her parents and sees Goodesy. She feels the need to use a vulgar racial slur that insinuates that Goodes is a primate.

But then, Goodes points her out in the crowd and complains. Who does that?

You can’t just stand up for yourself and make a stand against racism. You just can’t. Because, like a teenage girl said it. She didn’t know any better. Or something.

Verdict: Absolutely boo him. Because if there’s anything we’ve learned from this whole episode, it’s that you can’t stand against racism if the perpetrator is a teenage girl.

Excuse No. 4
“I’m not racist, I just don’t like the guy! I’ll boo him as I see fit cos it’s a free country and I’m a God fearing, ute-driving, wearing-the-cape-as-a-flag Australian”.

That’s right. You can be petty and hold a grudge as long as you want. This is Australia! You shouldn’t have to defend yourself to anyone because the media’s stirring the pot. You just don’t like Goodesy.

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You don’t get forced to like your probation officer so why should you have to like Goodes? It’s un-Australian to tell you who to like and not like.

Verdict: Boo him. Because you can be as narrow-minded and spiteful as you want to be because it’s protected by the Australian Constitution or whatever.

So there you have it – the ultimate guide to defending your booing of Adam Goodes. We hope that you’ll be able to get back to doing what you do best without undue vilification for your behaviour, when the Swans play their next away game.