It’s fine. It’s going to be fine. Absolutely fine. Of course it will. It’s just not cricket if one doesn’t cling to a positive attitude even in the midst of the clearest inclemency.
See that brooding, billowing, roiling bank of the blackest, most malignant-looking cloud marshalling its forces just over the member’s pavilion? Nothing more than a passing sprinkle, don’t you know.
A run chase of 400 and some with the Duke ball swinging both ways and keeping low? Ah well, records were meant to be broken.
This is the way of cricket – and why not. There’s a charm in Pollyanna-ish sanguineness that suits cricket, in the way Pimms and strawberries is the perfect garnish to lawn tennis.
But is anyone else – and I hesitate even to utter the words – getting that creeping feeling of déjà vu?
You know what I mean, the one where a week ago we felt like we didn’t even really have to watch the first session of the first Test because, hell, the State of Origin was on, and the Aussies would paste them anyway.
And is it really the Ashes again already, haven’t these poor Poms had enough? And then we lost Ryan Harris. And then we lost the toss. And then we lost the plot. And then we lost the game.
Somewhere in there among all our positive talk and confident swagger – the quiet barbs at the English ‘holiday’ in Spain, and the same old sound-trite soundbites of ‘if we play our best cricket’ and ‘he’s hitting them well in the nets’ and ‘no we really do respect the England team’ – we seem to have forgotten that we haven’t won an Ashes series over here in our last three cracks.
Anyone remember the 2005 series? I appreciate if you don’t immediately feel like recalling it to mind – I still suffer the occasional night tremor. But there again did we feel like the series would be little more than a procession. (In fairness, the previous eight series did encourage a quiet confidence.)
And of course, this was a side packed with stars, even though the word doesn’t quite do the likes of Shane Warne, Glenn McGrath, Ricky Ponting, Matthew Hayden and Michael Clarke justice. And it was just dear old England.
We won the first Test as per programme. Then McGrath trod on a ball in the warm-up before the second, and let’s just say from there the scriptwriters started getting creative. And we lost the series.
Fling your mind forward to 2009 briefly if you can, and remember the way our now almost-starless side – still with all the confidence in the world, mark you – strode onto Sophia Gardens full of Aussie spirit and braggadocio and poorly concealed contempt for our opponents.
And while you’re there, remember too the way they trudged off five days later, having managed to pluck a draw from the jaws of victory by failing to induce Jimmy Anderson or Monty Panesar into a single mistake in about three and a half hours.
Then of course it was over to Lord’s – the position we currently find ourselves in – and the reading didn’t get any better. Andrew Flintoff inspired himself by retiring, Nathan Hauritz ensured whatever modicum of spin he might theoretically have been able to impart was sent the way of the Tassie Tiger when he dislocated his finger, and we were rolled at the home of cricket for the first time since 1934.
And I am dead set certain that Ponting was still telling us how we’d come back from here, no problem. And we all believed him. We wanted to believe him, of course. We wanted to believe that we could suddenly play swing bowling. That we’d ‘done the work in the nets’ to know what on earth Graeme Swann was all about. That there was plenty of time, and there was a full three Tests to play…
But alas.
I won’t make you relive 2013. Suffice it to say that our top scorer in the first innings of the first Test was our number eleven. Quite clearly we still hadn’t a clue about swing bowling, and despite our, I’m sure, countless hours in the nets, we’d only become more clueless about Swann.
And so it is that today, despite the most emphatic of whitewashes in Australia just 18 months ago, we find ourselves one down after one here in England. And I just can’t help but feel like we haven’t learnt anything.
One thinks of the old adage about insanity being the repetition of the same thing while expecting different results. Well hubris is much the same. I think the definition of that is belting all comers on flat pitches and expecting to do the same on seamers, despite it not having worked the time before and the time before that and the time before that.
Is it the same for you? That feeling like you’re about 20 minutes into a movie, and realise you’ve already seen it. I feel like I know what Michael Clarke is going to say in the pre-match press conference.
I know that it’s going to include the phrase ‘if we play our best cricket…’. It’s going to involve something to do with how much hard work they’ve been doing in the nets, and that he feels total confidence that Cardiff was nothing more than an aberration, and they’re cherry ripe to take ’em apart in this one.
But perhaps someone could ask him what it is they’ve actually done to play the swinging ball any better than they did in 2013, 2009 and 2005. What’s changed, because the results haven’t.
What is it about the surely seamer-friendly, 30-degree-angled pitch that fills him with confidence? What does he make of Mitchell Johnson being rendered as hostile as belly-button fluff? And what impact does he think the loss of Brad Haddin (to be replaced with a debutant), and, potentially at time of writing, Mitchell Starc (the only quick who looked likely in the first Test) might have on our chances at Lord’s?
I think we all know what the answers will be. But do we still believe them like we once did? Because confidence it still may be. But it’s much more likely, if history is anything to go by, to be a confidence trick.
If you refuse to learn from the past, you are fated to meet the same results in the future. And when one looks at the way our top order are trying to play Anderson with a Duke like he’s a net bowler with a compo, you can’t help but feel nothing’s changed.
Do we not remember Flintoff? Have we forgotten Stephen Harmison? Have we blocked out Simon Jones? Do we think everywhere is the Gabba? Do we refuse to believe that the conditions over here are as different from home as Wimbledon is to Melbourne Park?
Perhaps some of it is down to short memories. But personally, I think it’s a case of choosing not to see what doesn’t suit you.
Does David Warner really want to think that playing Twenty20-style won’t be as effective as channelling Geoffrey Boycott? Does Shane (WTF) Watson really want to think that it’s not enough to just thrust out the front foot whatever comes down?
Does anyone want to admit to themselves that Australia is a team of flat-track bullies who can’t play the moving ball, and are flat out getting it to move off the straight themselves? And that if we keep curating roads in the Sheffield Shield, and choose to warm up for the Ashes by playing in the Caribbean, that of course we’ll be a bit short on the finer skills.
It’s… yeah. It’s fine. It’s going to be fine. Absolutely fine. Of course it will.
Everyone’s been working really hard in the nets, and it’s great to have fresh blood in the side, and we love playing at such a historic ground, and if we play our best cricket…
Just nobody step on a ball.
Dead Account
Roar Pro
It's funny how it no one brings up England's ball tampering in 2005, the only reason they had it hooping all over the place and reversing is because of those mints. Not to mention that Kasprowicz's hand was off his bat at Edgbaston, imagine if there had been a DRS back then, 2005 would've turned out very differently.
Andrew Shephard
Roar Rookie
Thanks CW. Totally agree with you. And I'd heard about those spin-friendly pitches at the academy -- absolutely brilliant stuff, but as you say, you'd think they'd have cottoned on to the need for some green tops to practice on too! And as you say, it starts with the pitches we prepare at home. I remember not long back, I think it was in Hobart, they dared produce a 'spicy' deck for a Shield game, and everyone hopped into them! You reap what you sow, I guess... sigh. Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy the match. A.
ColinP
Guest
I do remember it was an interview with an Australian journalist
ColinP
Guest
Guardian or independent, will try to find the story, so it seems there maybe some truth there
CW
Guest
Excellent read Andrew. And oh, oh so true. We 'baggies' appear to be slow learners. Or rather the people running Aussie cricket are. Instead of producing roads like we did for the Indian series we should have produced something with some life in them. Something that provides a test for the batsman and assists the bowlers. If we are to improve our batting against the moving ball. The lesson has to start from home. CA is now being pro active by making some effort to turn around our fortunes in India. By producing similar dust bowls that you would find in Mumbai, at Brisbane's cricket academy. This is good news for future Indian tours where we usually lose embarrassingly. Now something similar needs to be done for English style pitches as well. Maybe then this de jevu syndrome will not hit us every time we venture to England shores,
AlanKC
Guest
What a load of horse hockey.
Damo
Guest
You might think you know cricket but this isn't the place to have a crack at someone's partner. Plenty of gossip sites you can use for that.
Sideline Comm.
Guest
I admit I find a guilty pleasure in these gossips, but I must again ask: sources? I find it hard to believe that Clarke could have barged his way back into the captaincy when it is not his choice. It's the selectors choice, including Lehmann. However, I would believe that Clarke is hard to work with. He's a perfectionist, and assumes that his way is always best, something that is bound to cause problems with senior players and coaching staff. Presumably they think that because of Smith's youth he is more likely to accept the help of other authorities. But I wonder if this is for the best of the team. Clarke is, regardless of his personality, a good tactician. I think in this way he is the anti-Cook. You'd probably prefer to have a beer with someone like Cook (not the man himself obviously: blasphemous for an Australian), but you'd prefer to be lead by Clarke. It's not hard to see how the press would manipulate stories and personality types to create these feuds. Just because the framework of personalities is there doesn't mean it's like that. I think the Warner and Rogers thing is the perfect example. They have openly said that they are incredibly different people; opposites in many ways in fact. But this certainly does not mean they can't stand the each other. Thins like this are easily manipulated. It starts with them saying they stand for different things; then that they stand for opposing things; then that they are opposed to each other; then that they don't like what the other stands for; then to that they can't stand each other. It's subtle at first, but eventually completely changes the nature of what has been said to make it more sensationalist. I personally don't believe a word without further evidence.
JoM
Roar Rookie
With all due respect, word has it wrong. The majority of the team want him there as captain. Clarke, as captain, has every right to tell the selectors who he wants in a team, but they make the final decision. I would suspect there have been many times he didn't get the team he wanted, including the one where Smith was stupidly left out and Clarke was furious and why wouldn't he have been. Ponting almost always got the team he wanted. As far as media goes, the captain of whichever team it is has to do it whether they want to or not. So the captain is sitting at a press conference and the media ask him what he thinks of Smith being left out. What is he supposed to say. That is one of the reasons there is friction with Clarke, Lehmann and the selectors. He is nobody's yes man and as captain he shouldn't be. Smith captained OK for a couple of tests over the summer, but made two very poor declarations, that is assuming it was him that made them or whether Lehmann was captaining from the sidelines. He certainly didn't captain very well at all.
Andrew Shephard
Roar Rookie
Hi Burgy, Totally get what you're saying. I'm with you on David Warner -- I've absolutely loved watching him develop as a world-class test batsman. And while, yes, I may have been guilty of overstating it, I meant that his technique (while certainly tightened from his early Twenty20 days) is being exposed by swing -- and he's not alone there. The thing I'm trying to get at is that the Australian side are guilty of looking like world beaters on flat, even decks like the Adelaide Oval. Anyone can face the new (or old!) ball there. But we have a history now of not being patient enough, or technically proficient enough, to counter the swinging (or even spinning) ball on English decks. And while he battled honourably, David struggled against the two-way swing of Anderson, and then fell to the spinner right on lunch in the second innings. Personally, I'd like to see all the Australian batsman show a little less bullishness, and a little more patience in these conditions. Looking forward to see how they go tonight -- hope you enjoy it too! A.
Grand Armee
Guest
Word has it that most of the players and Lehmann want Smith as captain after the Indian series, but Clarke pushed himself back into the team and hogged all the glory in the world cup final (having performed poorly in the lead-up). And then he had a bust-up last year with Lehmann over (ironically) not picking Steve Smith for a one day series (IIRC in RSA). And then of course, Clarke took it to the media, which annoyed Lehmann even more. Lehmann would much prefer Steve Smith who can captain the side very well and accepts more input from Haddin and Lehmann, but does not try to run everything, including tactics, the media and selections (like Clarke does). There are also rumours that Chris Rogers and David Warner cannot stand one another. I am an England fan, and I know we could kind of cover things up while winning, but once we started losing and were under pressure, the feelings towards KP, and KP back to the team exploded. An ironically, it was Prior and Cook who wanted him back in the team, but then they turned on him the most. The same is happening to Australia. Winning the world cup lead to lots of champagne, and forgetting about the ill feelings towards Clarke. But lose a few, and the cracks are there (and opening up).
BurgyGreen
Guest
I can't deny that ominous feeling is building up a touch, but your assessment of David Warner in particular is way off the mark for me. This is his first lean patch in quite some time, and even then he did actually score a fifty in the second innings. In any case, not only did he make runs, but they were tough runs scored after surviving an extremely difficult opening spell from Anderson and Broad. The narrative that Warner is just a T20 slogger should have perished some time ago. A hallmark of his recent (extraordinary) success has been his ability to play patient when necessary, and then cash in when conditions become easier. He's no Brendon McCullum, who for some reason has won almost universal praise recently for almost literally attempting to hit every ball he faces for a boundary, and often getting out for good-looking, but not especially useful 30s or 40s. Warner has come a long way from that style of play, while still having a near unparalleled ability to demolish attacks when the time is right, and his record shows it.
Sideline Comm.
Guest
Can you point me to some, Colin? I just had a look and couldn't find any. The think about Clarke is that he puts winning and professionalism above personal relationships and team bonding. He's that guy in the office that is always working and never has really has time to socialise or get to know his colleagues, because he is too focused on his own work. I honestly think that he doesn't truly understand the value of team unity. I'm not bagging out Clarke, I like him as a player and an on field captain, but it's almost like we need a team captain and a field captain. With Watson, Harris and Watson out, famous "old-boys" and team leaders, I wonder how the team environment is feeling. At least Boof is there, he is a good man-manager.
ColinP
Guest
It is starting to seem like the wheels are falling off v quickly. Lots of press stories in the uk about rifts in the Aussie camp, and nobody liking Clarke again. You could see that if Australia have a bad start to the lords test it may all fall apart completely...