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It takes a while to fall back into a routine. September may be the month spring arrives in the southern hemisphere but it is also a time of new beginnings in the north.
Alarm clocks sound and are met with bewildered groans. People emerge from their homes in a state of shock to see darkness all around them.
Frustration screams out from behind the steering wheel, as suddenly people need to be somewhere else in a hurry only to realise that everybody else has the same pressing need. Tears are cried outwardly at school gates and inwardly at office desks.
I must confess that these summer holidays were a novelty for me. Holidays are supposed to be a time to recharge the batteries but that’s hard to do with a baby girl whose energy knows no bounds. Although I had two months off, I would hardly say I came back from my extended break feeling well rested.
However, I did come away with the feeling that I had been enormously privileged to be around my daughter at that particular stage of her life. Immersed in your day-to-day routine, it’s easy to miss important details. I can vaguely recall her being able to sit up all by herself but I was there to witness her standing up for the first time, albeit with the support of the bars on her cot.
It occurred to me that these ‘holidays’ were of a similar length to the World Cup. Then I began to think about further similarities that can help me understand what the players will endure this tournament.
Relentlessness
In the beginning it all seems like an adventure. At the breakfast table, you might read through reminders of your work but going for walks in brilliant sunshine during the day – in the north of Spain this is possible – quickly shakes you out of your normal responsibilities.
At first you get caught up in the change of pace. You still get up and there is a routine based around feeding and napping but it all seems rather leisurely. Taking time to appreciate things when seen from a baby’s perspective makes you appreciate more the environment around you. Seeing my baby girl enthralled by the dappled light on the leaves of a tree, for example, makes me notice things I normally don’t consider or have time to stop and appreciate.
Last week the All Blacks visited the Tower of London and press conferences have been generally lighthearted. It took a while for them to reach the training ground and later the hallowed Wembley turf. But before that enthralling match against los Pumas, the players could’ve been forgiven for thinking they were on some sort of sponsored packaged tour instead of participating in a global sporting event.
The novelty, however, will quickly wear off. After the umpteenth question about the same topic, staring at the same hotel room and putting up with their roommate’s snoring, no doubt, starts to wear thin. The teams may change but the preparation does not. The longer the tournament goes on, the more pressure bears down on the players as the spotlight grows brighter. The greater the media focus, the more they start craving a change of environment or routine.
Rugby is not all about turning it on when the whistle blows. It’s knowing how to switch off in your downtime and manage those peaks and troughs of concentration. Most of it is not hard work but when the spotlight is continually shining down on you with no let-up, it’s important to not let it all get to you.
Gangster pap
Life should be about smelling the roses while you still can but sometimes it seems events conspire against you. Take pap, for instance. My baby girl just did not take to the bottle. She looked like somebody who’d had a few too many still trying to drink a beer. The bottle slipped to the side and the milk came dribbling out like water from an anaesthetised mouth at the dentist’s.
So I fed her pap with a spoon and struggled with a plastic cup to get a little more milk into her feedings. Initially I loved the smell of pap and even the taste when trying a little to check the temperature. But then its sticky presence became insidious, quickly spreading from the spoon to the floor, clothing and nearby furniture.
To make matters worse, my little girl started to make a bigger fuss when confronted with the same meal day after day. The spoon often transformed into a catapult and anything or anyone within a five-metre radius was at risk.
The Rugby World Cup has the danger of becoming that for players. The same thing served up on a daily basis can become tiresome. It used to be something you loved and then suddenly it becomes a chore.
Just as a baby senses your rapidly diminishing patience so too do the media leap on players who don’t appear to be enjoying their rugby or appear out of form. Or they start focusing on what they’re doing off the rugby field and ask why they don’t bring that level of enthusiasm to their rugby.
Intense media focus is draining even at the best of times. When things don’t appear to be going your way, it becomes exponentially more difficult to remain upbeat. Just ask the previous Wallabies coach.
We would all like to control what we are served up but sometimes it is difficult to stomach, especially when we have no say in what that is. The players need to be able to block out any negative criticism and not make out the world is ganging up on them.
Teething problems
I have a major issue with the expression ‘teething problems’. Imagine the IT guy at your work awkwardly shuffling towards your desk. His soft but oddly condescending voice informs you: ‘We’re having a few teething problems with the server today. You should be online again in half an hour.’
He’ll make it sound as you’re the one responsible but the expression ‘teething problems’ suggests only a minor glitch and everything will be up and running in just a few minutes.
Well this is a lie people. Teething problems is more akin to your boss walking up to you and saying: ‘The building’s on fire and somebody’s locked all the exits on this floor. Oh, and by the way, you’re fired.’
Teething is a traumatic experience. For the baby as well. When it happens, the end of the world seems nigh. You start counting your teeth in the mirror and look at the one tooth proudly protruding from your baby’s gums and gulp. How many more times are we going to go through this?
Spare a thought for South Africa. Beaten first up by a courageous and clinical Japanese team, the Springbok players are surely praying for the world to swallow them up when it comes to their media commitments. But they have two points to Japan’s four
Just like teething for a baby, pain is inevitable in a World Cup. It may have come sooner for South Africa but it will come soon enough for the other teams. They could be moments like a fumbled ball by Nehe Milner-Skudder or they could be moments that put your team under intense pressure like Conrad Smith and Richie McCaw being sent to the naughty chair. Or they could be a shock loss like Tonga and South Africa experienced.
Whatever the discomfort, you have to dust yourself off and say convincingly to yourself everything’s going to be alright. What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. These growing pains are all part of the process.
Learning to crawl before you can walk
Life is a process. You can’t skip steps. As a parent, you sometimes feel helpless because things don’t happen as they should. My baby girl could not crawl. She preferred to stand up on all fours, swivel 180º and then sit down again facing the other way. It was like watching an assembly line of robots intent on working in opposite directions.
One day, she encountered a baby slightly younger than her at the beach who was able to front crawl as if she had been an Olympic athlete dedicated to mastering the event and making it her own.
I’ll admit rather shamefully there was a certain degree of envy on my part at the other proud parents. It didn’t help that I detected a certain degree of smugness in their assurances that I was lucky my little girl couldn’t move about so freely.
This Rugby Championship, the Wallabies appeared to be behind in development at the start of the tournament but at the end they were deservedly Olympic crawl champions. They looked confident and assured and the Springboks with three consecutive losses, looked a little like me standing on that beach cursing this cruel, twisted world.
The margins at Test level, however, are so small that it’s easy to get caught up in any standout differences. Dig a little deeper and look past the results and there wasn’t much to separate the Springboks from the Wallabies. But it seemed like there was day and night between them on the points table.
One day I was getting a glass of water from the kitchen when I turned around to see I had a little visitor. She had front crawled the passageway with ease and I was at a loss to understand how she had gone suddenly from the Robot Shuffle to the kitchen with ease.
Timing and momentum are all important in a World Cup. Everyone sniffed at England against Fiji and Ireland looked classy against Canada. But would you bet your house on a Wales win this Saturday and a loss to France in Ireland’s last group game?
If you start focusing on how your child is ever going to walk, you’re missing the vital steps, falls and mistakes that occur along the way. Learning isn’t a linear process. It’s about trial and error and heading in the right direction.
Often players, and indeed fans, are guilty of thinking A happened so B will naturally occur. Then C comes along and beats them over the head with D. You can’t take anything for granted and you just have to trust in your processes and take things one day at a time.
Understand what you’re a part of
When you’re sleep deprived or mentally exhausted by making sure your baby doesn’t put her life in danger, as she seems hellbent on doing her best impression of a lemming, it’s difficult to get a sense of perspective.
Being an uncle seemed so much simpler. I could play with my nephews for a couple of hours but when they started grizzling or needed to go to the bathroom then I whipped them into the arms of their parents quicker than I could say ‘See ya’.
When a child becomes your personal responsibility, it’s important to see that as a gift rather than a burden. Caring for someone and nurturing them in every sense is not easy but the rewards are certainly there.
There is a great deal of personal sacrifice but hearing your baby’s laugh or seeing a beaming smile as they experience something for the first time make you appreciate the opportunity you’ve been given.
Back at work, I find myself pining for more of those treasured moments with my baby girl. It’s the old adage: you don’t know what you have until it’s taken away from you.
At this stage of the tournament, everyone still has a right to compete for the World Cup. Some may be more upbeat about their chances than others but the important thing to realise for the moment is that your players are all living the dream and they, along with their fans, are all damned lucky to be a part of this wondrous event.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.