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The day of the final. Richie McCaw clutches his stomach. Looks over at Steve Hansen, fear etched into his face.
Richie McCaw
I need to go to the bathroom.
Steve Hanson
Make it snappy, mate. We’re not too far away from the final dance.
Richie paces the room. Checks the stalls for occupants and makes his way over to a basin. He splashes water on his harrowed face.
McCaw
I can’t do this.
Jerry Collins
Sure you can, bro.
Richie McCaw whips round. Takes a couple of steps back. Jerry Collins grins from ear to ear and lets out a hearty laugh.
Collins
I always knew I scared the crap out of you.
Richie McCaw reaches out to touch Jerry’s face.
McCaw
It cannot be.
Collins
You’ve been watching too much of that Lord of the Rings box-set I gave you.
Richie McCaw splashes more water on his face.
McCaw
I must be losing it.
Collins
The only thing you’re losing is your nerve.
Jerry Collins gives a firm slap on the captain’s back, toppling him into the basin.
McCaw
Mate, I can’t do this anymore.
The manner of Jerry Collins changes abruptly. A frown replaces the cheeky smile.
Collins
That’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. And I used to room with Cully.
McCaw
I shouldn’t be playing. All I’ve ever wanted to do is add to the jersey. I don’t want to take away from that legacy.
Jerry Collins clips Richie McCaw around the ears.
Collins
Do you hear yourself talking? You’re about to play the final.
McCaw
Nobody remembers second place.
Collins
A famous Greek dude once wrote: ‘To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.’
Richie McCaw gives Jerry a wry grin.
McCaw
And who was that famous Greek dude?
Collins
Can’t remember, eh! I read it on the back of a Weetbix packet.
Jerry Collins places his right hand on Richie McCaw’s shoulder.
Collins
You know the difference between you and me?
McCaw
I’ve had the same hair for twenty years. You can’t even last a week without changing yours.
Collins
I’m talking about rugby.
McCaw
You play rugby for the sheer love of it.
Collins
But so do you, bro. The difference between me and you is that you think you play rugby for the love of winning.
McCaw
That’s exactly why I don’t want to play today.
Collins
You don’t know what you’re missing until it’s taken away from you. Take it from me, you don’t know how much I long to hold my baby girl one more time in my arms.
McCaw
Jeez mate, I’m sorry.
Collins
Apart from that, the afterlife ain’t that bad. The other day I played against Harry’s Harriers.
McCaw
Harry’s what?
Collins
Some Kiwi bloke called Ben organised it. We got our arses kicked but I loved every minute of it. You should’ve seen the hit I put on Duane Vermeulen. Luckily we had Tana Umaga in our side to check on him when play continued.
McCaw
That’s what I’m talking about. You lost but you can still look back on your performance with pride.
Collins
That’s the point I’m trying to make, bro. You’re too busy worrying about what everyone will think of your team if you lose.
Richie McCaw nods his head.
McCaw
They’ll say too many oldies like me in the team for one thing.
Collins
Do you know who else was on that Weetbix packet?
McCaw
Do you?
Collins
Yeah, I remember this one. Bob Dylan. He said: ‘Don’t criticise what you don’t understand.’
McCaw
You lost me, mate.
Collins
Nobody knows the position you’re in. The pressures you feel. They need to walk a mile in your boots before they can judge you.
McCaw
How big was this Weetbix packet, mate?
Collins
But equally, they don’t know the pride you feel when you pull on that jersey. They don’t know how much it means to you playing at the highest level against the world’s best. They don’t know how much you bleed rugby after every game.
McCaw
It’s not just me. They don’t have a clue what any of the team goes through each match.
Collins
But you do. And you want to tell me you don’t want to be a part of that? You don’t want to feel what they’ll feel out there today?
Tears well up in Richie’s eyes. He shakes his head.
That joy is what they suck out of you. But it’s not all about winning. It’s about going out there and giving it heaps, then seeing where that takes you. They might judge you and your team on your results but they don’t know the first thing about you and what you feel out there.
McCaw
They judge me based on the players who have gone before me.
Collins
They judge you because they don’t have the faintest idea of what those players have gone through either.
McCaw
Geez mate. When did you get so smart.
Collins
Nah bro. When did you get so dumb?
Richie McCaw gives a firm shake of Jerry Collin’s hand, gives him a wink and lets out a determined cry.
Footnote
Today Toulon faces a classic All Blacks team to commemorate the indefatigable player Jerry Collins. Players such as Ali Williams, Andrew Hore, Brad Thorn, Carl Hayman, Carlos Spencer and Justin Marshall have come together to play a game in Jerry’s honour.
This match is played in the true spirit of what Jerry brought to the game. A burning passion, a sense of joy in the comradeship that rugby offers.
Sadly, all players shake off their mortal coil, but Jerry taught us that the true love of the game and the friendships forged while playing it live on well eternally.
I salute Toulon and the All Black players for making this match happen, and I hope that in the stress and emotions of this World Cup tournament, we do not lose sight of what this game means to all of us. Our favourite son may no longer be with us, but his example lives on.
Rest in peace Jerry and Alana. Much love to Ayla.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.