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It’s been happening throughout the World Cup, and it will happen at the final. It’s stupid, it’s frustrating, and it’s a damned shame.
No, I’m not talking about the Rolling Stones’ “Start Me Up”. It’s okay, maybe. There are some grumpy things I could say about rock music and rugby, but I’ll let them go.
I’m talking about the national anthems, although not exactly.
What I want to complain about – and it’s something I hate with an irritating passion – is the way that the television producers treat the anthems.
You all know what happens. It’s been happening at every game, for a long time now.
As the anthems strike up, a TV crew will creep along in front of the teams with a camera pointed up the players’ noses and a directional microphone that aims to catch them singing their national song.
Okay, I know the camera is a predator hunting for an emotional expression, poised to pounce on a tear or two. Be that as it may, I actually don’t mind the pan across the players, even if it’s up-the-nose-cam. It’s a name-face-height check sort of moment.
My complaint is not about the sight but the sound.
The small part of my problem is that I’ve no wish to hear footy players singing. I want to see them playing. Apart from their mothers, who on earth would want to hear footy players singing? Are they forced to sing? I remember Matty Bourke never used to sing. Many players can’t sing. And what if they don’t like the song (as I don’t, in the Australian case)?
The idea of broadcasting footy players singing is ridiculous, but that’s not what gets my goat.
The big part of my complaint, the source of my perennial irritation, the tragedy in all this, the mortal sin, the serious crime against human sensibility that’s enacted before every game, is that there are some other people I really do want to hear singing at this time.
I want to hear them singing as clearly as possible, and I especially want to hear them singing in the British Isles, where they sing with exceptional talent.
I’m talking about crowds of 80,000 or so people passionately singing the most stirring anthems known to history.
“La Marseillaise” never fails to move. I love Ireland’s “Our Country’s Call” (which isn’t strictly a national anthem, but let’s not be fussy). South Africa’s is a beauty, and I’m even envious of New Zealand’s. I’ve got a soft spot for “The Star Spangled Banner” (thanks to Jimi Hendrix, which contradicts my general position on rock music and rugby).
To hear 80,000 people singing these battle hymns as if with once voice is a rare and, at its best, extraordinarily moving experience; an experience that any television producer in their right mind should be killing her or himself to capture in the fullest and clearest way that the best technology will allow.
But no. What do the geniuses who produce our television footy do? They blithely ignore the miraculous collective expression of the human spirit going on at the ground to focus on broadcasting the voices of the players.
As a wonder of the world is happening all around them, the brain-and-ear-dead producers instruct the crew to creep along on their knees and run interference by shoving the microphone up the noses of tone-deaf footy players.
Does anybody like this? Do any of the players like it? Why do the producers do it? Because they can?
It should be stopped, immediately.
The microphones should be upgraded, multiplied and pointed outwards. From this weekend.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.