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Former Australian (leg-spinner/average poker player/pitch information expert/pizza topping over-sharer) Shane Warne today hit back at allegations of (running his charity like his own private bank/sleeping with somebody of repute/being a Scientologist/breaking Tinder).
“I have done nothing wrong,” the (legend/convicted drug cheat/wax statue) said.
“My (reputation/face/spinning wrist) is still firmly intact.”
The allegations all stem from a (brilliant piece of investigative journalism/selfie on Instagram/something Michael Clarke said to Simon Katich) that highlighted how his foundation gave a Mercedes to his (ex-personal assistant/someone he probably shagged) as well as paid his mother to store (boxes of documents/boxes of baked beans/his daughter’s Halloween costume) at her house.
Warne says that although (some mistakes have been made/he got caught/how the hell did I get caught?), he aims to (fully correct them/take $2 million and run into the jungle/ask Eddie McGuire to make it all go away/yell at his brother Jason) as soon as possible.
His (foundation/diuretic supplier/bookie) was asked to comment but (did not reply/told us to “piss off, wanker”/is busy studying aliens and the pyramids).
Justin Langer was renowned as someone who was not fashionable but got results by digging in and proving hard to remove. That was as a batter. As a coach it appears he’s no different. Langer, quite rightly so, has stated he wants to continue as Australian coach and believes his record deserves a contract extension […]