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The Shane Warne story template for modern journalists

Shane Warne has a laugh. (AAP Image/Dave Hunt)
Roar Guru
16th February, 2016
3

Do you work for Buzzfeed, The Daily Mail or any one of those annoying websites that make you flick through a slideshow to get the full story?

Then thank your lucky stars that you have flicked through to The Roar.

Because instead of having to regurgitate and paraphrase what the serious journalists write about Shane Warne, I’ve created this template for you.

It is very simple to use.

Whenever you hear Warnie’s name in the news, just grab the template and cross out random words until a story appears.

The genius in the template is that no matter what combination of words you come up with, it will always be 100 per cent accurate.

Not only that, it comes with a guarantee of getting 20 per cent more clicks than if you had to write something original yourself.

All that time and effort saved can be better utilised playing the Xbox.

Ready? Let’s do this!

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Former Australian (leg-spinner/average poker player/pitch information expert/pizza topping over-sharer) Shane Warne today hit back at allegations of (running his charity like his own private bank/sleeping with somebody of repute/being a Scientologist/breaking Tinder).

“I have done nothing wrong,” the (legend/convicted drug cheat/wax statue) said.

“My (reputation/face/spinning wrist) is still firmly intact.”

The allegations all stem from a (brilliant piece of investigative journalism/selfie on Instagram/something Michael Clarke said to Simon Katich) that highlighted how his foundation gave a Mercedes to his (ex-personal assistant/someone he probably shagged) as well as paid his mother to store (boxes of documents/boxes of baked beans/his daughter’s Halloween costume) at her house.

Warne says that although (some mistakes have been made/he got caught/how the hell did I get caught?), he aims to (fully correct them/take $2 million and run into the jungle/ask Eddie McGuire to make it all go away/yell at his brother Jason) as soon as possible.

His (foundation/diuretic supplier/bookie) was asked to comment but (did not reply/told us to “piss off, wanker”/is busy studying aliens and the pyramids).