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Do you work for Buzzfeed, The Daily Mail or any one of those annoying websites that make you flick through a slideshow to get the full story?
Then thank your lucky stars that you have flicked through to The Roar.
Because instead of having to regurgitate and paraphrase what the serious journalists write about Shane Warne, I’ve created this template for you.
It is very simple to use.
Whenever you hear Warnie’s name in the news, just grab the template and cross out random words until a story appears.
The genius in the template is that no matter what combination of words you come up with, it will always be 100 per cent accurate.
Not only that, it comes with a guarantee of getting 20 per cent more clicks than if you had to write something original yourself.
All that time and effort saved can be better utilised playing the Xbox.
Ready? Let’s do this!
Former Australian (leg-spinner/average poker player/pitch information expert/pizza topping over-sharer) Shane Warne today hit back at allegations of (running his charity like his own private bank/sleeping with somebody of repute/being a Scientologist/breaking Tinder).
“I have done nothing wrong,” the (legend/convicted drug cheat/wax statue) said.
“My (reputation/face/spinning wrist) is still firmly intact.”
The allegations all stem from a (brilliant piece of investigative journalism/selfie on Instagram/something Michael Clarke said to Simon Katich) that highlighted how his foundation gave a Mercedes to his (ex-personal assistant/someone he probably shagged) as well as paid his mother to store (boxes of documents/boxes of baked beans/his daughter’s Halloween costume) at her house.
Warne says that although (some mistakes have been made/he got caught/how the hell did I get caught?), he aims to (fully correct them/take $2 million and run into the jungle/ask Eddie McGuire to make it all go away/yell at his brother Jason) as soon as possible.
His (foundation/diuretic supplier/bookie) was asked to comment but (did not reply/told us to “piss off, wanker”/is busy studying aliens and the pyramids).
Justin Langer was renowned as someone who was not fashionable but got results by digging in and proving hard to remove. That was as a batter. As a coach it appears he’s no different. Langer, quite rightly so, has stated he wants to continue as Australian coach and believes his record deserves a contract extension […]
What a magnificent catch from Teague Wyllie! He’d go on to make a century in Australia’s comfortable win.
Travis Head has been rewarded for his remarkable Ashes series by rising into the top five of the ICC’s official Test batting rankings.
Two fielders converged on this ball… and they left it for each other!
Marcus Stoinis must have liked that gag, because he used it twice!
Glenn Maxwell recorded the highest ever Big Bash score beating Marcus Stoinis record with 154 not out off 64 balls including 22 fours and 4 sixes.
