The Roar
The Roar

AFL
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Welcome to wherever you are

The Hawks have featured in plenty of grand final classics going back to the beginning of the AFL era. (AAP Image/Julian Smith)
Roar Guru
6th March, 2016
2

There has been an awakening…

Have you felt it?

It’s been 136 days on the wagon for Slosh since the Hawks won their third straight and I’ve finally bought a bottle of plonk.

Welcome back to footy, Roarers.

The drop in pitches have been taken out and the weather is cooling down slightly. White lines are being painted. The posts are out of storage. The umpires are bleaching their whites.

With the NAB Challenge nearing its end, the real challenge is trying to recognise who the new players are for every team. Although in some cases it’s more like trying to remember who they used to play for unless, of course, they used to play for Essendon.

It was great to see other teams disadvantaged by losing former Bomber players. The AFL are all for fairness and what could be fairer than that?

Jobe Watson has spent the last few weeks taking thousands of selfies with the Brownlow he has to give back. Perhaps he could get someone to make him a replica out of those empty vials. Expect Tim to have something ludicrous to say about it. It’s what he does. Too often.

Cam McCarthy has been seen following his mother shopping in Perth. She bought him a lollipop. He smiled. The Giants are hoping he’ll be back soon.

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Paul Chapman and Brendon Goddard are set to square off in a ‘point off’ on an undercard sometime soon. Punters have backed Chapman to win as Goddard cracks under pressure once Chappy points to the premiership and Norm Smith medals around his neck.

It’s not been long since Hawthorn won their third straight flag and they are favourites to go four straight.

So onto to the big issues.

WiFi looks set to make its debut in Round 1 at the MCG. I hope it gets a lap of honour, maybe even some dimmed lights, before being switched on.

Chopsticks will be banned at all Richmond home games. Goes without saying.

Fans are looking for the next person to boo, and the bookies have named Essendon recruit Ryan Crowley as the favourite. No surprises there.

The AFL are still trying to get Gil to stop making cash angels in his office and start spending it. AFL executives have received lists of ways to spend it.

– Collingwood want 50 million bucks to set up a group to investigate reasons not to wear an away strip.

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– Hawthorn want $5.60 to buy petrol and matches so they can burn their power rangers guernsey.

– Fremantle have requested $200 a week to hire someone to clean their empty trophy case.

– Carlton want $185 for a booster seat for Brendon Bolton.

– The Saints asked for help to kick straight; the AFL are sending out some Auskick specialists to help out next week.

With just 17 days to go until Round 1 it’s time to take the beanie and scarf out of mothballs and give it a good wash, get all those tears out from last year. I’m looking at you Tiger fans.

Check the band wagon and make sure it hasn’t seized up over summer. Replace the round by round fridge magnet with the new one. Change the ringtone on the phone to the club song. Cancel every plan you have for the next six months. Stock the fridge with beer.

Welcome to season 2016 Roarers.