Brazil’s economy is tanking more than Bernie Tomic, the country’s infested with Zika-bearing mozzies, the water’s putrid and a stack of Olympics-related construction won’t make the deadline.
Now, less than three months out, Brazil has just lost its president to a corruption scandal, with Dilma Rousseff suspended while she faces trial for creative budget accounting.
She’s described the move to impeach her as a ‘farce’ and a ‘coup’. So a farcical coup. Obviously she’s saving the substance of her argument for trial.
On top of that, public health officials are calling for the Games to be postponed or cancelled due to the Zika outbreak.
University of Ottawa biologist and lawyer Dr Amir Attaran says inviting half a million tourists to a party in a petri dish could lead to a ‘full-blown global health disaster’. What a killjoy.
The World Anti-Doping Agency is doing its bit to trim down the number of competing athletes, with Kenya now declared non-compliant with immediate effect.
And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, Bernie Tomic has announced he won’t be wearing the green and gold in August.
Called out by Aussie chef de mission Kitty Chiller for throwing a match point in Madrid and fresh from his eight-minute showing at the Rome International, Bernie will be chasing money instead of Olympic glory.
Bernie announced ‘with a heavy sense of regret’ he’ll be in Mexico defending his Los Cabos title when the Olympics tennis is on.
“I make this decision based on what is best for my tennis career,” he said. And your bank account, Bernie.
Nick Kyrgios, also on notice from Kitty Chinchilla to lift his behaviour, which has actually been pretty good of late, let his racquet do the talking. And his Twitter account.
Someone tell that Kitty chiller to watch that tweener lob, then she will understand why I'm on watch for the olympics lol #smh
— Nicholas Kyrgios (@NickKyrgios) May 7, 2016
He meant this tweener lob, in case you missed it.
In other Olympics news, there are rumours French tennis player Gael Monfils could be lining up for the high-jump competition. I have no idea how they started.
And there’s talk, also unconfirmed, that Serena Williams may try her hand at target shooting.
Far more disturbing is a video Serena shared on Snapchat in which she reveals she tried a spoonful of her dog’s gourmet hotel food before rushing to the loo two hours later.
The fact she ate it isn’t even the grossest part of the story. That’s a toss-up between the fact that a hotel has a Doggy Menu in the first place or that the pooch portions set you back 15-18 Euros.
“I need a life,” Serena concludes. Yes, you do.
Pakistan’s cricket team got a new coach this week, with Mickey Arthur replacing Waqar Younis following the team’s disastrous World Twenty20 outing.
Arthur says he’ll be a stickler for discipline, fitness and fielding. Just don’t mention homework.
“I hate the word ‘Homeworkgate’,” he says, clearly not wanting to relive the time he dropped four Aussies from a Test match for not completing a homework assignment.
One of those players was Shane Watson, who has tried to explain his lousy record of appealing lbw decisions against him.
“This new technology comes in and you’re supposed to know how to use it at the highest level, straight away,” he said.
“I was an opening batsman, the ball was moving, I didn’t know exactly whether it was close, whether it was missing leg, hitting middle.”
So, just confirming, didn’t have a clue. Just as we all suspected.
Dublin City Council gave a speech at the Creative Minds conference focused on improving the city’s cycling infrastructure. Which prompted quite a response from Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary.
“That’s all we need in Dublin is more blooming bicycles,” he said. “We should take the cyclists out and shoot them.”
In the English Premier League, Aston Villa fans protested their team’s relegation by bringing out a stack of beach balls in the match against Newcastle.
And then there was this bloke, who had an entirely different interpretation of BYO inflatable.
Over in Leicester, the coach of the hour Claudio Ranieri was getting a complimentary champagne shower from his players after being awarded the English Premier League trophy.
Leipzig manager Ralf Rangnick would have done well to follow Claudio’s example and simply cop it.
Rangnick tried instead to evade his beer-wielding players after his team secured promotion to next year’s Bundesliga. And did himself a mischief.
Have a good weekend, everyone. Don’t run away from alcohol.
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