Game 5 of the tri-series had South Africa as the odd team out in this eternal triangular cricketing dance that we call the Ballr Cup Powered By Cycle Pure Agarbathies.
Here are the ratings for this match between the West Indies and Australia.
Mr Glass
Grade: C
In M Night Shyamalan’s superhero thriller Unbreakable, Samuel L Jackson plays Mr Glass, a man with a body so fragile that even the slightest touch can render him immobile and broken of limb.
Naturally, he responds to his affliction as any of us would, by orchestrating multiple deadly disasters in a preposterous scheme to meet Bruce Willis.
We should all keep our fingers crossed that Mitchell Starc doesn’t follow Mr Glass’s super-villain terrorist lead. Because Cricket Australia have apparently diagnosed him with the exact same incapacitating condition, as the left-arm quick was forced to rest yet again after just the one game back.
It should be noted however that ‘Starc is Mr Glass’ is an anagram of ‘scams Stars girl’, so perhaps it’s already too late to prevent Starc from turning to evil.
Look out, Alyssa Healy!
Usman Khawaja’s batting
Grade: A
Usman Khawaja is truly a sublime batsman, as he proved yet again here, combining with captain Steve Smith to put on 170 runs after Aaron Finch went in the first over.
Khawaja made 98 from 123 balls, including 4 fours and 3 sixes and made batting look as effortless as he always does.
And then…
Usman Khawaja’s everything other than batting
Grade: F
… And then Khawaja ran himself out, going for a third run on Jerome Taylor’s arm.
Later, when the West Indies came out to chase Australia’s eventual total of 7-265, he proceeded to drop two regulation catches within the first ten overs, and was a general liability in the field.
Khawaja is clearly built for more beautiful things than running between wickets. Or fielding. Or, indeed, anything other than batting. But, realistically, given this, he needs to average about 180 at a similar strike rate to justify the runs he gives up in the field.
Luckily, I’m sure that’s well within his abilities.
Once Khawaja fell in this innings, however, the rest of the Australian batsmen struggled to accelerate in the final overs. George Bailey found a little momentum as he made a run-a-ball fifty, but nobody else was able to get started. This was despite the best efforts of a tiny contingent of Australian fans on the hill.
There may be nothing sadder than seeing a group of five Australian fans in the crowd desperately chanting “Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!” as they try to lift their team.
Or, indeed, any number.
Playing to one’s strengths
Grade: B+
The West Indies set off on their run chase at maximum velocity, as openers Johnson Charles and Andre Fletcher raced to 74 in 9.5 overs, before the latter made the decision to hit a catch to somebody other than Khawaja and was therefore dismissed for 27 (27).
Great tactics from the West Indies to try to win the game in just 20 overs. As Chinese military strategist and big-hitting bowling all-rounder Sun Tzu once said, “always confront your enemy in the form of the game in which you’re world champions, not the one in which they are.”
And once the openers had succeeded in setting such a frantic T20 pace, it was World T20 final man of the match Marlon Samuels who strode to the crease to guide the rest of the chase.
And guide them he did, chipping sensibly away at the target in the middle overs before suddenly teeing off against Adam Zampa in the 41st over.
Zampa had lured him into hitting three sixes from the first three balls of the over, cleverly tiring Samuels out. This opened the door for wicket-keeper Matthew Wade to run Samuels out at the non-striker’s end from the fourth ball of the over as the batsman struggled to complete a scampered single.
Zampa is so full of tricks these days. He’s no longer just a ball-hitty face.
DRS nonsense
Grade: B
But despite Zampa’s best efforts, and a couple of late wickets, the West Indies passed the Australia total with four overs to spare.
The only remaining pieces of controversy concerned, of course, DRS.
First, an LBW appeal from Zampa was turned down by the umpire, despite clearly hitting pad first and going on to hit the stumps. Steve Smith at slip shook his head furiously at the not out decision, triggering my new favourite thing in cricket at the moment: Smith getting pissed off by dud decisions after he’s wasted reviews on nonsense.
The nonsense in this case being an earlier review, where he tried to overturn a not out call on what he believed to be a feathered edge to the keeper. He reviewed this despite the lack of Snicko or Hot Spot in this series. Which was, uh, optimistic to say the least.
A little later Jason Holder also tried to overturn a caught behind decision despite the fact that Snicko and Hot Spot still hadn’t been set up in the 20 minutes or so since Smith made the same bad decision.
Bad work from Jason Holder. If you can’t trust an Australian keeper who is confidently claiming your wicket, who can you trust?
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