Following the Hayne pain comes the Hayne blame

Like all Eels fans, I am feeling the Hayne pain.

Love him, hate him and everything in between.

I feel like Uma Thurman’s character in those Kill Bill flashback scenes. All black and white. A jilted lover, not only left at the altar, but actually belted and bruised from a flagrant beating that seemed so undeserved and so sudden.

It offers no comfort to hear that it was the fault of our poor front office, and thanks to those of you reminding us to suck it up as that’s the modern game.

Journos and hacks, opposing fans and talkback callers on the street need a full 30 years of context to understand the depth of our pain. And I can’t possibly do that tale justice here.

My short summary though is that after years in the wilderness, false dawns, and brave battlers, in Jarryd Hayne we had our first genuine, home-grown superstar.

He won a State of Origin series for NSW and two Dally M medals to provide genuine validation that a Parra boy was the best player in the game. He bewildered us with his departure from the game to take a shot at the NFL, but went with our blessing and fascination.

In the meantime, we have had two years of rebuilding in his absence. We backed up a promising but ultimately non-winning season in 2015 with probably the most extraordinary season by a football club in the history of sport.

Amid crazy off-field drama, salary cap penalties, board politics, an increasingly depleting front office, star players having deep personal crises, and a constant circus surrounding the potential return of Hayne, our players and coach stood remarkably tall.

I have never been prouder watching this team, win or lose. Some of the wins have drawn a tear or two, given the stoic showing of our players against such adversity. Never have I felt so much hope from a series of losses.

And Hayne was meant to be the prize for all of this vigilance. The cream on this solid, rising cake.

I want to hate Hayne as I did Jamie Lyon, but I see some sincerity in this mercenary. I listen to club legends like Nathan Hindmarsh and Peter Sterling and respect their gritted-teeth view that the kid has made a sensible decision for his future.

I want to blame the club for not having a competent front office to get the right deal done, but I respect the club for not trying to match an irresponsible, stupid offer by the Titans.

To be honest, I was a little scared that we would mortgage the farm to get Hayne and have to shed players to do so. I’m sorry to say that I eagerly hope that this fate now befalls the Titans over the next season or so. That’s what the salary cap was meant to be for right? Us Eels fans will be keen subscribers to the salary cap compliance newsletter over the coming years after what we’ve been through.

I really want to blame the NRL. They have scapegoated this club. Everyone knows that third-party agreements are being exploited by the smartest clubs, and Parra have not been a smart club. So we have been smashed for our bumbling management of these loopholes – the NRL have stripped us of our management, which hampered our ability to do this business.

Even if you distance yourself from a full conspiracy involving Hayne’s management and the NRL, the fact is that the NRL allowed the club that they own to make an enormous offer, filled with significant TPAs, while putting time and financial obstacles in the way of him returning to Parra.

So maybe this was about payback?

And then I go back to wanting to blame Eels’ management and board for being arrogant and not co-operating more with the game’s administrators.

When the dust settles, I conclude that life is indeed complex and blame is everywhere. Sport imitates life and occasionally surpasses it, but only occasionally. The reality is missing Hayne’s signature comes down to a combination of three distinct elements all acting in their own self-interested way.

Like Brad Arthur (who deserves a run at the Presidency of the new Australian Republic one day), I wanted Hayne at the Eels, but only if Hayne was prepared to be at the Eels, ideally for less money than he would take elsewhere. That would have been the mark of a man who really believed and wanted to be here.

I will be a curious observer of his career from now; saddened every time he takes the field in a foreign jersey, but also emboldened whenever I see a great performance by a young Eels player or a deserving journeyman, knowing that we probably would have needed to let a couple of them go had we made the Hayne regain.

I also feel immense confidence in the culture that Arthur is building, and know that we’ll give the competition a real shake over the coming seasons.

Can’t wait for a strong showing against Manly tonight.