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Australia’s sensual sugary dizzying high.
From catastrophe to victory.
A possibly Pyrrhic victory.
A our-middle-order-is-still-? victory.
A Maddinson-will-play-in-the-next-test-and-Ferguson-won’t-for-reasons-I-can’t-quite-understand victory.
A infinite-unanswered-questions victory.
But a victory.
So, what can, should, be done between now and the Pakistan series?
Option A: Take time off to rejuvenate. Spend time in the lavish sunlit manor and watch cartoons on the OLED. This before a gentle session of backyard cricket with far too many people so any shot that is even remotely on the up is caught and you’re left questioning your technique. Then call HOWZAT until your throat is inflamed and your voice is raspy. Then assuage this wretchedness with bucket upon bucket upon bucket of delicious Kentucky Fried.
Option B: Drop Jackson Bird because … the vibe of the thing.
Option C: Run.
All are legitimate, but let’s investigate option C for a bit.
I have a high tech – heavy with analysis – proposal which supports option C.
Set up traffic cones on opposite ends. Red. Orange. Blue. Whatever colour Matthew Wade can see.
[Am colour deficient so, you know, solidarity.]
Then.
Call YES.
Run between them.
Keep running between the cones.
Don’t stop running.
Lose 8 BMI points.
Lose electrolytes.
Sweat out all of your failures.
Or don’t run.
Not running can also be critical.
Call NO when required.
When a run isn’t there.
Respect the NO on the other end.
Set up cardboard cutouts of Temba Bavuma at various points near the traffic cones.
Call NO and don’t run when the ball goes anywhere near these cutouts.
And don’t fish for the ball outside of off stump.
Rinse and repeat.
The rest of the issues that pollute this XI can be figured out along the way.
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