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The Gabba had a pool, the MCG will have...

20th December, 2016
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The MCG has hosted plenty of ODIs, but what about Australia's smaller venues. (Alexander Sheko/Wikimedia Commons)
Roar Guru
20th December, 2016
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The Gabba had a pool, the MCG will have a water slide!

Yes folks, to keep up with the Joneses, the G is frantically scrambling to top the Gabba’s enhancement and will have a theme-park-grade slide in operation for Boxing Day.

Similar to the ‘Summit plummet’ at Disneyworld, it will be ski themed, with a 120-foot slope. Sliders will board from the third deck of the Great Southern Stand and flush directly into Bay 13’s boozy mosh pit.

The MCC are confident it will be the ultimate boxing day experience for cricket’s new target audience: adrenaline junkies.

Not to be outdone, The SCG trust are scrambling just as frantically to keep up.

They have bulldozers working around the clock to dredge a canal linking Sydney Habour to the stadium. The ladies stand will be demolished to make way for the harbour’s new tendril, and New Year’s Test fans can look forward to launching their yachts while applauding another Steve Smith ton.

And all this upgrading hasn’t gone unnoticed overseas.

The Marylebone Cricket Club held an extraordinary meeting last night to keep pace with their antipodean rivals. At the top of the agenda was a bold plan to install a moat.

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The moat will isolate Lord’s playing field from its stands, and will not only serve as a recreational area for enthusiasts of foot paddle craft, but as a security perimeter to keep Brexit voters from jumping the pickets to hound visiting international teams.

Most eye-catching though, are developments in Jamaica.

Chris Gayle is lobbying to have Sabina Park converted into a nightclub.

“Cricket in the Caribbean has always had a party feel to it,” his consortium is arguing, “so let’s just tweak it a little more so that cricket is even more in the background and reggae is more at the centre.”

Sabina Park will look install a bar at mid wicket and a dance floor at fine leg. There are also plans to have a dance pole somewhere around cow corner.

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