The proposal for a Christmas Day Big Bash fixture has been met with protest from local mothers, with concerns arising the match could further congest their already overcrowded schedule.
A spokesperson for ya mum believes the Christmas itinerary is already at breaking point, and that “Project Jingle Bash” should be shelved to concentrate on important issues like “not drying out the turkey” and “contriving interest in Gran.”
In addition, concerns were also raised about the day’s workload, with exasperated mothers already dangerously fatigued from faking marital contentment for the children despite falling out of love with their father long ago.
Debate has raged since the BBL announced plans to encroach on Christmas, a proposal which hopes to complete the league’s full wallpapering of the holiday period by overlaying any last remaining hours, regardless of sanctity.
To gauge interest, league bosses have commissioned a costly task force, charging it with the responsibility of consulting stakeholders and ignoring anyone who doesn’t recommend the match be staged as soon as humanly possible.
However, mothers have already made clear their disapproval, citing the potential “logistical maze” of shoehorning baseless cricket in between family politics and the roasting of three different species of bird.
Furthermore, they have also slammed the BBL’s ignorance of high divorce rates and their paralysing knock-on effect at Christmas.
The spokesperson pointed out the extinction of the traditional “bloated, languid, diabetes-breeding afternoons of Christmas past” due to children now having to traipse across multiple postcodes to spend time with divorced parents and in-laws.
“Some people are unable to relax until the new year because of the tug-of-war between pathetically needy parents, let alone spare three hours to enjoy a brisk Shane Watson 32 (29) on Chrissy arvo”
“Simply put, cricket at Christmas is a bad idea because Dad couldn’t keep his hands off Barbara in payroll.”
Mothers are also anxious about a Christmas fixture eroding backyard matches, appealing to bosses to consider the ripple effect on childhood obesity, and more importantly, the country’s decline as a cricketing powerhouse.
Instead of making a cash-grab from a guaranteed ratings bonanza, mothers are urging the governing body to pour the resources in to more critical ventures like “finding a decent all-rounder, preferably one we’d recognise in the street.”
The spokesperson also pleaded for the holiday to be remembered for what it has always been, that being “the day we acknowledge hot cross buns hit supermarket shelves.”
However, mothers conceded if the match was to go ahead, they would lobby for a scheduled start of 10am.
This would ensure it’s completion before the day’s traditional sherry-fuelled second wind which usually coincides with all manner of shit breaking out.
In response, BBL bosses acknowledged the concerns of mothers, confirming their issues would be considered along with other important topics like players rights, costs of staff and whether Christ was up for a hit on his birthday.
While a premature retirement isn’t the solution, he or England want, he may be forced into it if he can’t maintain a long run of matches.
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