The Roar
The Roar


BREAKING: Some arsehole wants to see a Dimitrov-Federer Australian Open final

How far will Rafa go? (AFP PHOTO / FABRICE COFFRINI)
26th January, 2017
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The Roar has received disturbing news of a Sydney man who reportedly wants Rafael Nadal to lose to Grigor Dimitrov in tonight’s Australian Open semi-final.

Roman Blythe-Stewart made the morally and intellectually bankrupt controversial statement last night – mere seconds after Roger Federer’s historic, five-set triumph over Stan Wawrinka.

“Fingers crossed Grigor knocks off Rafa tomorrow so we get the dream final”, a witness quoted him as saying.

“At first I thought he was joking,” Roman’s friend Felix said.

“But then we realised he wasn’t taking the piss – that miserable son of a bitch actually wanted to see Nadal lose.”

The Federer-Nadal rivalry is arguably the greatest the sport has ever seen, but after the rise of Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray in recent years, even the most optimistic tennis fan doubted they’d ever see the two icons meet in a Grand Slam final again.

The potential match-up has been billed by some as “the most historically significant match ever”, but apparently this means absolutely shit all to that asshole isn’t enough to change Roman’s mind.

“I dunno, I saw some video on Federer’s Instagram of Dimitrov and him singing at some karaoke thing – seems like a bit of a legend,” the full-time barista said to audible groans in the room.

This reportedly isn’t the first time Roman wanted to watch the whole goddamn world burn in front of our eyes rustled feathers like this.


Felix told The Roar that he had to be escorted by security from an international cricket game after voicing controversial comments.

“We were at the SCG when Steve Waugh made his last-ball century in 2003. When Gilly faced up for the second-last delivery he yelled out ‘Keep the strike, let’s just make sure we get through to stumps with five wickets intact!’

“What sort of monster thinks like that?!”

Roman was reportedly kicked out of the Australia Day party minutes later, after declaring that “‘Never Be Like You’ is good, I guess – but it’s no ‘Big Jet Plane’.”