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Australia headed across the ditch to defend the Chappell-Hadlee Trophy in one of the nation’s most ignored cricket tournaments, right after the Champions Trophy and the Matador Cup.
Here are the ratings for the first ODI between New Zealand and Australia.
Resting players
Grade: D
Hey, who’s interested in heading back over to New Zealand for the Chappell-Hadlee trophy? Nobody in the Australian team, apparently. Learning nothing from the 0-5 whitewash against South Africa, the selectors once again chose not to send two of their best players on tour.
This time it was the ‘allegedly injured’ captain Steve Smith and the ‘allegedly resting’ number one ranked ODI batsman, David Warner.
Will Australia therefore also lose this series 0-5? Mathematics says no, but the heart says yes. And in this post-facts world, feelings trump numbers any day.
Captain Wade
Grade: B-
With all the regular captaincy options rested, injured or forgotten about, Matthew Wade was given the captaincy for the tour.
His first act? To be injured in training and immediately replace himself as wicketkeeper with Peter Handscomb.
At first, most fans thought this was just an outstanding piece of leadership from Wade, to strengthen one of Australia’s glaring weaknesses. This perspective was further heightened when Handscomb gloved his first chance cleanly, showing up his absent stand-in temporary skipper.
But as the innings progressed, Handscomb proved sloppy behind the stumps, dropping catches and allowing byes like nobody’s business.
Meanwhile, Wade’s replacement as acting missing leader, Aaron Finch, was weighed down by the pressure of captaincy. He made just four and also seemed to tweak his hamstring while batting, presumably forcing a call for debutant Sam Heazlett to take over as the next makeshift departed captain in lieu.
So yet again Wade, the man who batted himself above Glenn Maxwell for Victoria in a successful bid to force himself back into the Australian side, had proven himself to be a Machiavellian mastermind. In one fell swoop of absenteeism, he’d manoeuvred himself into a position where all fans were clamouring for his return.
You have to admire his ruthless meta-gaming.
Anagrams
Grade: B+
New Zealand’s innings progressed in fits and starts. They did well to see off opening spells from Mitchell Starc, Josh Hazlewood and Pat Cummins for the loss of only one wicket.
But like a modern-day Shane Watson, or one of those other wannabe musician sorts, Marcus Stoinis stood up. “This attack is now minus Starc, so I need to take wickets,” he seemed to think. He wasn’t conceited about it either, like the kind of preening actor that so often ruins a sitcom’s mood.
No, he tossed narcissism out as he quietly took three New Zealand wickets like some kind of Tony Stark-like superhero. But there were no iron-suit scams here. It was simply a case of a crisis mounts, and Stoinis comes to the rescue.
Was he fuelled by pickle juice, which sustains micro-improvements in all superhuman Australian performances these days? No, apparently it was some kind of custom raisins.
Which also explains his unstoppable runs later in the day.
Glenn Maxwell’s fielding
Grade: B+
Backing up Stoinis with the ball was Glenn Maxwell in the field. He took the catch to dismiss Kane Williamson, only to follow it up with an attempted run out of the Kiwi skipper when the umpire dithered in giving him out.
Classic Maxwell, making a statement by trying to dismiss the opposition’s best batsmen twice.
He also missed three run-out chances in the one over later in the innings, toying with the batsmen, knowing he could send them on their way whenever he deemed it a fitting time to do so. Then instead took a smart, rolling outfield catch to get rid of Mitch Santner.
All just to keep the Black Caps on their toes.
Diamond ducks
Grade: A
New Zealand had set Australia 287 to win. It was a tricky chase, which mutated from tricky to impossible when Australia fell to 6-67 in the 19th over. Sadly for Williamson’s men, Stoinis’ inexperience at this level meant he was unaware of how exactly impossible the chase was from that point.
The oblivious Victorian put on partnerships with James Faulkner, Cummins, Starc and finally Hazlewood to get within six runs of victory, as he thumped his way to 146* from just 117 balls.
The Hazlewood partnership was the most remarkable of the lot, with the fast bowler not facing a ball in a 50-run partnership. It was, at that point, possibly the finest 0* (0) in ODI history.
But then Hazlewood was run out for an elongated diamond duck, backing up too far in a desperate, aborted attempt to get Stoinis back on strike from the last ball of the 47th over. This was also the first time Hazlewood has ever been dismissed in ODIs.
Nevertheless, it wasn’t the worst 0 (0) of all time. We’ll still give that title to Allan Donald, back in 1999. Mostly because that one was in a World Cup semi-final. But also a little bit because it was a Donald duck.