Allan Border hails from a time when men were men. Well, Queenslanders were men. Others could earn begrudging male status through feats of strength, or alcoholism.
We’ll ignore that Border – despite his self-styling – hails from Sydney’s decadent north shore suburb of Mosman. We’ll ignore it because something as arbitrary as where you come from shouldn’t define you.
Except for 1986 in Madras, when an unblinking Border told Dean Jones, “You weak Victorian. I want a tough Australian out there. I want a Queenslander.”
Never mind that Jones was 170 not out, delirious in stifling heat and humidity, involuntarily urinating and vomiting on the pitch. Steve Waugh described Jones as looking “like a walking corpse”. He reportedly lost eight kilograms during the innings and woke up in hospital shortly after being dismissed for 210.
While Captain Grumpy’s terse soundbites add colour to cricket folklore, they’re also the words of a man utterly divorced from empathy and common sense. Their nostalgic retelling works because of the safety of retrospect.
If you transpose them into present tense, spoken from one human to another, it all gets a bit troubling. To this day, Border is proud of taunting a dangerously ill teammate.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hvnxbbX4fA
Border’s grit and determination are unparalleled. As individual traits, utterly admirable ‒ less so as evangelical values imposed on others. He carried Australian cricket on his shoulders for a decade and, as fans, we’re forever indebted. But we’re not obliged to accept his word as gospel.
“I hope he’s lying on the table in there half dead,” was Border’s hot take on Matt Renshaw’s mid-innings dash to the bathroom in Pune. Sure, it exposed a new batsman to a difficult pitch. But is it worth the inevitable outcome for just to stay out there?
Never mind that Renshaw top-scored in the first innings and followed it up with important runs in the second, this time vomiting after a painful blow to the arm. You’re not giving your all for the baggy green unless all available bodily fluids are left on the field. Such is the law according to AB.
Renshaw rightly shrugged off the comments and would presumably like us all to stop shining a light on his bodily functions. So, a final word on Border.
The man’s steel was forged in fire (see: 1980s West Indies pace attack; heavy Ashes defeats; media critique). Now he’s like a soldier hunkered down in the wilderness long after the war has ended, his mentality permanently set to ‘siege’.
His contrived stateriotism (if that’s not a word, I’m coining it) and gruff no-nonsense approach has long since lost relevance.
It takes guts to score a Test hundred. It takes guts to defy illness and exhaustion. I’d like to proffer that perhaps the greatest challenge, however, is to be able to compete ferociously while maintaining some semblance of grace, empathy, humanity and good humour.
That’s a better measure of a man these days. AB would do well to catch up.
Melvin Pukely
Guest
Yeah, on Youtube forever. Yecch !
Rob
Guest
Renshaw was just struggling not to show what was in his guts. LOL. I think Border was coming from a very old school place with his comment. He didn't realise how bad Renshaw was feeling by the way he ran of at the same time the dismissal had occured. They're both Queenslanders now so it's all good.
Ouch
Guest
If Renshaw had stayed out there and ended up with a giant brown stain down the back of his whites, people would still be bringing it up in 40 years. Once a photo like that is in cyberspace, it's there forever. No-one will remember this incident in a few weeks time.
Don Freo
Guest
On this issue I'm with Charlie, not AB. AB probably doesn't genuinely believe what he said. And, Charlie, great writing. Delightful turn of phrase with strong, sensitive values.
michael steel
Guest
Well pout. Back in those days captains allowed players to drink 40 stubbies on a plane trip from Australia to England. That was called bonding and expression of being a man.
Darrell Burrows
Roar Rookie
AB must be losing it. Someone should remind him that Test Cricketers play in WHITES not BROWNS. If the positions were reversed he (AB) would be off that field as fast as his little feet could carry him.
Jay
Guest
We have to give AB a bit of a break, his comments were a few overs after Renshaw went off without the full story and he said that he didn't seem like he was in a rush. I'm sure he was thinking he only needed to go for a short bathroom break and could have held on until lunch. I don't know if he would have changed his comments after the fact but Brett Lee and Brendan Julien seemed to be in the same frame of mind.
Pope Paul VII
Guest
In the 1980s, Old Captain Grumpy, responding to criticism that he was, well, Grumpy, told a journo "go play on Moore Park" if you don't want to take cricket seriously. At the time Moore Park was largely grassless, covered in broken glass, gravel and needles. We played on matting and dreamed of having proper umpires. Fist fights were not uncommon. Still, what can you expect from a bloke who learnt the game in the genteel surrounds of Cremorne and Mosman. Love AB though tough as teak.
Geoff Schaefer
Guest
Well summed up Charlie. A good read.
BrainsTrust
Guest
Alan Border grew up in the era where the drinking was out of control, and so he was used to seeing blokes hungover and shirking, while he was holding the fort with hs batting, so his response would be harden up.Being hungover and feeling crook might have been the norm but a hangover can't be compared to a normal illness the feeling is worse than the actual effects anf your in no real danger. .Jones was too professional for his own good and much fitter than a normal cricketer but thats where the danger lied, running the first one always hard and all that extra energy spent in extreme conditions , and the more you can work the more danger there is of dehydration. Those days the sport science was very poor, these days they would monitor a persons fluid loss and they would know that Dean Jones had to be pulled off and in the end Dean Jones actually almost died out there. Alan Border would be in huge trouble as a captain these days and would have got the sack over it.
qwetzen
Guest
"But we’re not obliged to accept his word as gospel." Nope, "we're" not. But given a choice between AB and you *I* know who *I'd* pick.
Simoc
Guest
Silly stuff from Border. He is a bit out of his depth. Its not tough to stay out there (as in Jones, Renshaw cases). It's stupid.