Given the way the Indian team had been playing in this series against Australia, I barely have any hair left to tear out of my already depleted skull.
The fear of the proverbial cap bursting its seams and my bottled angst gushing out like a geyser has kept me away from platforms like The Roar these past weeks.
But Ian Healy has thankfully solved that problem.
I laughed until the tears ran down my face and I fell off the bed as I read about his rant on Melbourne radio station SEN.
Healy said, “The pressure is starting to tell on [Virat Kohli]. I’m losing respect for him. He’s got to be a lot more respectful of his opponents. The stuff he did with Steve Smith was unacceptable.”
Really Heals? Wow! This from a man who once told Arjuna Ranatunga: “You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c***.”
This from a man who screamed at a Mike Atherton refusing to walk: “You’re a f****** cheat.”
Of course, that came right back at his unsuspecting face from Atherton: “When in Rome, dear boy!”
To be fair, Heals had a couple of genuinely funny ones. He is said to have directed this at his favourite target, Ranatunga, when the Aussies could not get him out: “Put a Mars bar on a good length. That should do it!”
He was mainly crass, however, among the sledges which are widely known, and if he had played in the age of the excellent stump cams we have these days, posterity would have been the richer by his output.
So when Heals starts ranting on sledging (as he did against the Kiwis a year ago as well), it is a bit rich, and perhaps a mild case of the pot calling the kettle black.
This is a series with a lot of pride at stake. And India’s pride, until last night, had been wallowing in dust and the nose was black from being rubbed in the cracks on some terrible pitches by a better prepared Aussie team.
Sledging tends to be at its peak when things aren’t going so well for the team doing the sledging. So India are doing much of the sledging at the moment and the Aussies know exactly how to handle it.
On another day it will be the Aussies joining Matthew Wade in his (currently mindless) sledging, and India will know how to handle it.
We clearly don’t need sermonising from folks who figure prominently in every single list that’s ever been compiled of the ‘Top 20 sledges of all time’.
Hold your horses Heals. But thanks for making me laugh.
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
That's true as well. But that's the way it will be. Kohli and India will be in the faces of the Aussies. Expect more of the same in the next two tests.
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
I think there is a lot said about doctoring pitches on this forum without understanding what it means. Pitches are different in different parts of the world. In India they will turn and there will be uneven bounce. Live with it. Pune on the other hand should not have happened. Whoever asked for that pitch had no idea what they were doing. And I am glad it backfired. It's a lesson. Bangalore was a weird pitch which surprised everyone. There was not a single person on any side who thought that was normal. but that pitch was nothing like Pune. Teach aussie batsmen to play spin and teach indian batsmen to play on Aussie, SA and english tracks. That's the only thing that's going to help. It's easy to call anything which doesn't suit you "doctored". I have also seen enough calls rubbishing India and the BCCI saying it controls cricket. Australia and England controlled cricket for over a century. Rules were made to suit the two countries. No one likes not being in control. 70% of the revenues in cricket today come from india. There is only one way to take back control. Get your spectators to the ground and your sponsors and TV to pay up for the rights. And you will have control.
Basil
Guest
that was on the 4th day, the Indian ultra aggression and sledging began on day 2!!
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
Restraint :) "it seems that the Indians are instigating the majority of incidents" - Kohli's sendoff of Smith were with the exact words used a few hours before during Starc's sendoff of Nair........just saying...
Basil
Guest
both sides are acting up for sure, but just as in the previous series in Oz, it seems that the Indians are instigating the majority of incidents. Sure, the ozzies could show a little more restraint under the provocation, but that would certainly go against their nature!
Joel
Guest
Interesting point and probably fair enough. In saying that though, a rant against a member of the Indian cricket team no matter where it comes from is justified in my mind. BCCI has had control of cricket for years, they're killing the game, especially when you consider the pathetic pitches they doctor up game after game after game. If we really want to level accusations of cheating that's where it should start, not with Smith looking up to the sheds for advice. With that in mind Virat has nothing of substance to really complain about.
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
@Train - As I said on Ronan's thread, I am not Andy, haven't ever been on any Yahoo forum, so not sure what this one was about mate.
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
Absolutely.
brent elms
Guest
healy is stupid, who gives a toss about him losing respect for anybody. If a player keeps on scoring hundreds or taking wickets, keeps on winning games for his team then i don't care how he behaves on field unless its breaking the rules which icc refrees and umps are there to recognize.If you want then you can play the game with passion and aggression, sledging is fine as there are no schoolkids playing there
Train Without A Terminus
Guest
Hi there Andy, long time no see. Shame they closed the yahoo forums, you could spill much more bile there. Have you figured out why it's toothbrush rather than teethbrush yet? Just saying... Love, Roger. ?
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
:)
BBA
Guest
Australians are allowed to say that, they are just expressing themselves and are just trying to disintegrate something. Now Kohli was just being rude.
BBA
Guest
Damn straight, no Australian would have dared to make a comment if the position was reversed
R2D2
Guest
I do not understand how CH 9 select their commentators, but is a sledging background a prerequisite for the job and a low IQ.
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
Cant disagree on the last point. But that's the way he plays. As someone said on Ronan's thread today, he plays the game a bit like Waugh did. (Carbon copy was the expression used if I recall). If you didn't like that style, you wont like him for sure. I can assure you there are a huge number of Indians who really don't like that side of him. i do, because I am happy for that to be a crucial component of the game with all its various facets. But that's just me.
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
Unfortunately because i don't live in Australia now I don't get to hear the 9 commentators and only get to hear of their brilliance second hand on Roar. I am sure the loss is entirely mine.
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
Thats exactly what Starc screamed at Karun Nair once his leg stump was shattered. Just saying....
AlanC
Guest
So you're ok with Kohli screaming F@#k Off over a teammates shoulder at the departing Smith?
Beauty of a geek Brains of a bimbo
Guest
Healy shouldnt have said that hes losing respect for kohli. Kohli behaves like a petulant kid and should be fined for interfering in the smith matter.llong had it under control and there was no reason for him to do what he did.
SonOfLordy
Guest
If you frequently tune in to Nine's cricket coverage you will soon come to realise that Heals is the Mitch Marsh of the Nine commentary team. These comments from him are ridiculous, especially when you consider how aggressive and nasty Australia has been over the years with their verbal abuse of opponents. Complete lack of self-awareness. If this was coming from the mouth of a (white) South African or a Kiwi (before they became cricket's morality police), the Aussies would probably just sit there and take it. But from an Indian? After they've been obsequious for so long. Some ugly Aussies just can't take that. "How DARE YOU".