Almost two months on and Brett Kimmorley still only knows “roughly where I’m going” as he continues to grapple with the devastating death of his wife.
The NRL great choked back tears as he opened up on Sharnie’s passing at just 38 after an eight-month battle with brain cancer.
The need to care for his four young daughters Maddi, Mia, Ava and Ivy keeps him going – but living day to day remains excruciatingly tough and painful.
“Okay probably is the way of answering (how I’m going),” Kimmorley said on Fox Sports’ League Life.
“It’s something that you don’t know how to handle. Obviously you feel – I feel – very empty in a way.”
The premiership-winning halfback and ex-State of Origin and Test star said he only conjured the strength to talk about his family’s plight because it was the league’s “Beanie for Brain Cancer” week.
“It’s obviously something that’s very special for us as a family to try and push forward and help someone else not have to go through it,” Kimmorley said.
“Until you’re around it, you don’t know. Obviously you know there’s a lot of cancer and lot of things out there, but it impacts you in a sledgehammer way when you become a part of it.
“What really caught me out was when you go to the cancer clinics and you go to the places is how full they are; obviously (seeing) how much there is off it out there.
“And the fact it’s under-funded, any way you can help get some funding and get some solution to the problem because it’s horrible.”
Kimmorley says he takes heart from the support of the rugby league community and friends.
“As much as people sending me a text or talking to you asking how you’re going, you sort of think not much from it, but it does help a lot,” he said.
“And obviously (having) four daughters that you always have cared a lot about, but instantly they become your No.1 focus; making sure they’re okay is priority, making sure they’re comfortable.
“And they are going okay at the moment – and that’s your sole focus. It sort of gets you through each day.
“I don’t look ahead very far. I look day to day. I roughly know where I’m going, but it’s like: ‘Oh well, why stress, why worry about things?’
“Sort of be here and the now for the moment.”
The champion No.7 and his four girls helped raise more than $10,000 for brain cancer research in Mother’s Day week and now he’s urging rugby league fans to support the Mark Hughes Foundation’s initiative to buy a “Beanie for Brain Cancer”.
“The cause is very special,” Kimmorley said.
“The NRL have enormous power to convince people, to persuade people, to just encourage people to buy a beanie to support something that gets very little funding.
“It’s sort of like a way of doing whatever you can in a small way and contributing to a big outcome.
“The kids did Relay for Life last week as something that was very special to do for mum.
“We started as a family and we finished as a family. It’s sort of like everything we do at the moment is an ‘us’ decision, not so much a ‘me’ and ‘I’ decision.”
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