Australia’s leading scientific body has released a new report revealing the psychological profiles of New South Wales sports fans who support the Queensland Maroons.
‘Defectors’, as they’re labelled in the report, have long been a subject of fascination for researchers who struggled to understand why any self-respecting Australian would willingly commit the ultimate act of treason.
The results were fascinating.
After extensive psychological evaluations by the country’s top minds, the CSIRO found a statistically significant correlation between defectors and mental fragility.
“We discovered that these people demonstrated recurring character traits of cowardice and mental weakness,” Morgan Trindle, head researcher, said.
“You know how some people say ‘he’s a bloke you’d want to be in the trenches with’ – these people are the opposite of that.
“In the science world, these people are known as ‘deadset flogs’.”
They also showed a strong tendency towards pathological lying.
“Many of them would fabricate stories to justify their disgraceful decision,” Morgan explained.
“A common refrain we heard is ‘I have cousins in Queensland so I go for the Maroons’ – but when we dug a bit deeper we found that only 4.3 per cent who claimed to have relatives up north actually did.”
While it was not included in the final iteration of the research, Morgan stressed that even though a small minority were telling the truth, it was still a “completely bullshit excuse to support Queensland.”
An overwhelming majority of defectors said they had supported the Maroons since they were born, but historical evidence uncovered that some two-thirds actually supported the Blues between 2003-2005, before changing to Queensland after the 2008 series.
There was some variation based on gender.
While male defectors went to great lengths to create a false narrative justifying their allegiances, 37 per cent of women admitted they jumped ships because “Billy Slater’s kind of cute”.
When asked to list their other favourite sporting teams, Greater Western Sydney Giants, Leicester City, the Cleveland Cavaliers and Sydney FC were the most common responses.
Interestingly, their allegiances to Queensland seemed to begin and end with Origin.
Morgan said that they tried to reciprocate the study to find Queensland-born rugby league fans who supported New South Wales, but after 18 months of searching they couldn’t.