Tony Archer forced to apologise for everything

Dane Eldridge Columnist

By Dane Eldridge, Dane Eldridge is a Roar Expert

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23 Have your say

    Just to save hassles, referees boss Tony Archer has said sorry for pretty much everything.

    The broad concession of guilt comes after a gripping weekend of blame-gaming that unfairly overshadowed the thrilling rugby league that was actually played.

    Archer and his referees were slammed by vanquished coaches for a litany of issues, including the totally rational accusation of wrecking an entire season.

    In response, Archer has shelved the futile practice of defending his referees, instead preferring to issue a preemptive apology to all the losers they’ll upset as the finals continue.

    The move was made after discovering there was insufficient evidence to suggest a coach will ever accept responsibility for anything ever again.

    The ref’s boss also claimed he was forced to act under the sheer weight of angry “texas”.

    Archer said his blanket apology for “simply existing” will streamline departmental processes and save valuable time, thus freeing up his weekends for more important stuff, like watching footy.

    The apology was issued at midnight under controlled conditions, with Archer using an alias from under a hazmat suit.

    From here, he footed the blame for “pretty much the lot” including the Bunker, touchies in hats and “your 17 blokes hurting in the sheds right now.”

    Additionally, Archer said sorry for loose carries, Melbourne, and Paul Gallen’s crippling lack of gravitas among authority figures.

    He then took responsibility for the national debt and the Wallabies, but stopped short of apologising for stadium food prices, because “you’ve gotta crawl before you ball.”

    He then rounded-off by seeking forgiveness for road tolls, goths and Justin Bieber, but not everything about the Canadian, just his old stuff and him.

    At the completion of his seven-hour mea culpa, Archer then stated he will not be apologising again this year, regardless of how many failed football teams he is made accountable for.

    This is because he plans to immediately relocate his office to the safer surrounds of Libya, just as soon as he crushes his phone and sets his SIM card on fire.

    News Corp journos were said to be disappointed with Archer’s apology, as it now forces them to file match reports about matches

    Dane Eldridge
    Dane Eldridge

    Dane was named best and fairest in the 2004 Bathurst mixed indoor cricket competition. With nothing in the game left to achieve, he immediately retired at his peak to a reclusive life ensconced in the velvet of organised contests. Catch the man on Twitter @eld2_0.

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    The Crowd Says (23)

    • September 12th 2017 @ 6:27am
      Womblat said | September 12th 2017 @ 6:27am | ! Report

      Good fun tongue in cheek stuff Dane but how many NRL problems would be addressed by Archer or other referees having a post game presser explaining their actions? Or… god forbid… actually saying sorry for an error?

      Convincing or not, genuine or not, I reckon it would help. Everyone is against them because they are hidden behind a big protective fence from the media, a $10,000 fine for coaches, and no expectation of real accountability. How does this secrecy help anyone? They’re like the Freemasons of League.

      Greenberg used the words “grow up” for the whole sport. Surely that includes referees. Stop hiding behind Mummy’s skirt, get out there and confront the critics and cop it like everyone else does. At the very least it’ll let people see them as real humans, not holier-than-thou untouchables.

      • Roar Guru

        September 12th 2017 @ 6:40am
        The Barry said | September 12th 2017 @ 6:40am | ! Report

        Hey Womblat – I disagree with this.

        I don’t know any sport that does this which probably of itself isn’t a reason not to. I just think the refs need to be held a bit above that. Maybe as a written press release rather than throwing them to the wolves (media) straight after the game.

        I don’t think any good would come of it. Cummins says “I thought Scott threw the pass backwards and it came out of the hands backwards until it was touched by a Parramatta player and travelled forward”

        Upset, irrational Parra fans aren’t going to accept that, it doesn’t resolve anything and the media will be trying to trip the refs up to create stories.

        I think it would be s disaster.

        The refs give their explanation on the field.

        I’ve never seen fans blow up as much as this weekend, yet as a neutral fan I didn’t see a single howler.

        What should the refs be apologising for?

        The problem with all this isn’t the refs. It’s our attitude.

        • Roar Pro

          September 12th 2017 @ 9:15am
          Ben Lewis said | September 12th 2017 @ 9:15am | ! Report

          I agree and disagree with you in part, Barry. While I agree that there’s no point a referee explaining a decision after the game when it’s already been explained on the field, I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad idea to have a short press conference-like session with Archer where he can explain and run through rules that led to specific decisions being made.

 used to have exactly that; short videos where he explained certain decisions each round. I don’t know why it was stopped, I thought it was a good way to showcase the rules and decisions. To his credit he always admitted when a decision was wrong, too.

          • Roar Guru

            September 12th 2017 @ 9:36am
            Nat said | September 12th 2017 @ 9:36am | ! Report

            It’s a no win situation for the refs. The losing team will always disagree with a 50/50 call. Archer has come out a few times this year admitting a call wasn’t correct and stood down a ref next game. It is of no consequence to the affected team and benefits the following game’s opponents.

      • Roar Guru

        September 12th 2017 @ 11:50am
        Adam said | September 12th 2017 @ 11:50am | ! Report

        Do we propose that all players should then come to the press conference to explain every decision they make? Or just the ones that knock on at key moments?
        We talk about referees needed to be accountable but don’t have any of these standards for players?

        • September 12th 2017 @ 12:35pm
          Womblat said | September 12th 2017 @ 12:35pm | ! Report

          I do hear you and Barry and maybe you are right, but it’s just the fact that they give nothing of themselves at the moment that’s the problem. Censorship breeds mistrust. Players are held accountable, but you don’t see it with refs. If it does happen it’s behind closed doors and not transparent. That does nothing for external confidence.

          They are just so detached at the moment, they seem separate from the game. It’s no wonder they’ve become the focus because not only don’t they account for themselves, they don’t represent anywhere. They don’t defend OR justify themselves at all. They are just.. there.

          OK maybe a post presser is a bit deep, but at the very least, a statement, or something, anything, to show that they are human and suffer the same foibles as us all. A little humanity goes a long way.

          • Roar Guru

            September 12th 2017 @ 1:39pm
            Cadfael said | September 12th 2017 @ 1:39pm | ! Report

            There was apiece on one of the Fox Sports programmes where t was suggested that if coaches have concerns, they can bring up a maximum of three issues in the game without fear of penalty. However, the referees have a right of reply. I’m not saying it would solve anyhthing but it would allow for the howlers to be brought up not every perceived slight like Flannagan did.

            • September 12th 2017 @ 9:04pm
              Womblat said | September 12th 2017 @ 9:04pm | ! Report

              Agreed. Better than nothing by a long way.

          • Roar Rookie

            September 12th 2017 @ 2:04pm
            Matthew Pearce said | September 12th 2017 @ 2:04pm | ! Report

            I can’t understand this “censorship” argument.

            You’re not censored, you can talk about whatever you like, as long as you’re willing to accept the 10k. But there’s no reason for the ref’s decisions to come up at, anywhere. They don’t decide the game, the players do.

            Put up the footage of the missed tackle that lead to the match-winning try, bag out the player who missed it; demand that they be sacked for incompetence.

            If you can see why the above is inane, surely you can see that the same applies to the refs.

          • Roar Guru

            September 12th 2017 @ 2:28pm
            The Barry said | September 12th 2017 @ 2:28pm | ! Report

            An explanation of decisions might be doable I don’t know how much good it will do. People are too invested and can’t be rational.

            Players are held accountable but only to their coach. Same as referees. Players don’t have to front a press conference to explain their mistakes.

    • Roar Guru

      September 12th 2017 @ 6:28am
      The Barry said | September 12th 2017 @ 6:28am | ! Report

      Brilliant Dane!

      He also needs the time to work with NRL bosses and his refs to coordinate the complex web of conspiracy theories they’re responsible for every week.

      I have no love for Archer, either as a ref or in his current role but I wonder if he ever feels like lobbing up to a presser with a list of mistakes players and coaches have made.

    • September 12th 2017 @ 6:59am
      JohnnoMcJohnno said | September 12th 2017 @ 6:59am | ! Report

      Archer needs to go further than apologizing. He should hold a “compliments day”, where all referees are compelled to say nice things about the coaches.

    • Roar Guru

      September 12th 2017 @ 7:57am
      Sleiman Azizi said | September 12th 2017 @ 7:57am | ! Report

      Rubbish article.

      It’s all Jarryd Hayne’s fault.

    • Roar Guru

      September 12th 2017 @ 8:08am
      Con Scortis said | September 12th 2017 @ 8:08am | ! Report

      Saying sorry to everything is the secret to a successful marriage ha-ha.

      • Roar Guru

        September 12th 2017 @ 11:52am
        Adam said | September 12th 2017 @ 11:52am | ! Report

        Always seems to work for me

    • September 12th 2017 @ 8:09am
      Wild Eagle said | September 12th 2017 @ 8:09am | ! Report

      Toddles will be out of a job soon and this is the beginning of the end.

      Despite what he says all the players and all the coaches are acutely aware that at times it is the Refs and Bunker who will determine who wins and who loses.

      It is just a fact and Toddy is saying the opposite.

      Here is what he would say if he was not lying. ” I accept that the Bunker and Refs mistakes can and do influence the final out come of games. I understand the anguish of all concerned and refute completely the notion that it never happens. In fact this years GF could be decided by a forward pass which everyone at home will see but the bunker will be obliged to pretend it can’t. Just because some Coaches and Captains also make mistakes in the press confrences , NOTHING can hide the fact that teams have and will lose games due to ref and bunker errors. The only debate is how we at the NRL can minimise this issue. I am calling out anyone who is denying this and that includes me. It is ridiculous”

      Over to you Todd , time to pull your head out of the sand , a great big wave is coming your way.

      • Roar Guru

        September 12th 2017 @ 9:27am
        Nat said | September 12th 2017 @ 9:27am | ! Report

        WE, I appreciate your anguish but in not so many words Greenberg did say quite a bit of this. Even that some officials will be looking for work elsewhere. Barrett was speaking from emotion directly after the game because the Peachy call effectively decided the game. Flanagan took half an hr to compile his list and address the media. That was a calculated sook and Greenberg is right to tell him to grow up.

        • September 12th 2017 @ 1:00pm
          Wild Eagle said | September 12th 2017 @ 1:00pm | ! Report

          If Todd wants a better example of telling grown men that they need to grow up he needs to look no further than the Storm continuing to celebrate premierships which were illegal and denied another team a chance ie Parramatta.

          It is truly childish and embarrassing yet no word from the NRL.

          What has happened to the allegations of paper bags or whatever against Manly?

          Are you proud of this Todd or do you need to grow up?

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