Cheika’s angelic interruption

Nick Turnbull Roar Guru

By Nick Turnbull, Nick Turnbull is a Roar Guru

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37 Have your say

    Wallabies coach Michael Cheika puts head-to-pillow at the Sofitel on Friday night, several hours after he has held his final press conference before the third Bledisloe instalment at Brisbane’s Suncorp Stadium on Saturday night.

    As the affable yet formidable Randwick back rower fades off into slumber he recalls his answers to the journos.

    “No mate, we can’t change the past, this is one game at a time and I am not even thinking about Eddie Jones or England later this year.”

    “Good answer” Cheika affirms to himself as he drifts off into the night…..

    Several hours later he is awoken by the Rugby Gods Vice President of Communications, the Arch Angel Phil. Phil, a promising hooker with a body odor issue in his former mortal life puts it very bluntly to Cheik.

    “Mate, telegram from HQ. You’re allowed to beat New Zealand or England this year, but not both. So which one is it to be?”

    The angered Cheika, just about to demand an explanation wrapped in expletives sits up in bed, carefully removing the lukewarm sliced cucumbers from his eye lids masterfully missing the foundation on his face in the process.

    Phil interrupts and says, “Mate shut it or the big fella said you’ll get dusted by Scotland again.” Silence overcomes the room as Cheika considers his sides fate….

    “Phil, my boys have worked their backsides off this year and all but did the Darkness in Dunedin. I want them to taste victory over them even if Wonder Boy isn’t playing. It will mean something to the Australian rugby public and after all Brisbane is a great place to get on the sauce afterwards. Been to the Port Office lately? ”

    “So New Zealand it is then. I’ll let Eddie know,” quips Phil.

    At that moment Cheika thinks back to that grin Eddie Jones had on his face after embarrassing the Wallabies in an historic three-nil clean sweep in the 2016 domestic series.

    “No wait,” Cheika states in confused anguish and thinks to himself;

    “Doing England and Eddie over on home soil. Payback for Gallipoli, Bodyline, Singapore, the Safari Suit and John Farhnam all in one. I’ll be a national hero and they may even erect a small statue of me in a nondescript park in Coogee. Tempting….”

    “I can read your thoughts” says Phil, quietly filing his nails. “Shag would be happier with that arrangement also and he may even give you a tip for the Melbourne Cup? Who knows you might even end up mates?”

    “So you’re bugging my head Phil because the irony would not be lost on Shag?” Asks Cheik.

    “Shut up Cheik otherwise Folau will wake up with a bad hamstring. What’s it to be? England in England or the Darkness in Vegas?” Phil retorts.

    “You’re aware of The Roar aren’t you Phil?”

    “I am not a soccer man Michael. Those people have a special place in purgatory”

    “No, the sports opinion website. You know that one.”

    “I do. I do indeed. Sheek, Lordy, Brett and the lads. Indeed. Absolute jibber but always worth the read.”

    “I tell you what, I’ll go with what they reckon. I’ll put it to a rugby plebiscite.”

    “Plebiscite! Plebiscite, what is with you blokes and plebiscites?”

    “Yes but this one will be more binding than an Alec Evens trained front row and will deliver a result.”

    “Alright then. So be it.”

    So there it is fellow Roarers, what’s it to be the Wallabies win on Saturday, or do we save ourselves to do Eddie and the chaps at Twickers in November? Which victory is more important to Australian Rugby?

    Over to you…..

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    The Crowd Says (37)

    • October 19th 2017 @ 7:56am
      Old Bugger said | October 19th 2017 @ 7:56am | ! Report

      There is another question Nick…..

      “Will the WBs win both or lose both….??”

      • Roar Guru

        October 19th 2017 @ 8:16am
        Machooka said | October 19th 2017 @ 8:16am | ! Report

        Oh onya OB… typical Kiwi positivity (ha!) about Aussie rugby domestic concerns!

    • Roar Guru

      October 19th 2017 @ 8:13am
      Machooka said | October 19th 2017 @ 8:13am | ! Report

      OK Nick… I’m all good with a bit of fly on the wall, foot in the door, reality show, gonzo journalism, so I’ll bite.

      I want both… yep, I want to do Shag and Eddie. Both ffs!

      Call me greedy… not like Diggercane greedy, but greedy all the same. Greedy for success. Like geez, it’s been sooo long since I’ve had a feed. Likewise, my Wallaby most definitely needs a feed. Cheika, also, could do with a feed. One is so grumpy when one needs a feed.

      Success… only success will feed the need.

      C’arn da Wallaby!

      • October 19th 2017 @ 9:23am
        Rugby Tragic said | October 19th 2017 @ 9:23am | ! Report

        Careful you don’t get what you wish for Chook … “I want both” is like having your bag of lollies and eaten them too…

        And if you need a feed, there is always the local soup kitchen …. *S*

      • Roar Guru

        October 19th 2017 @ 2:20pm
        Diggercane said | October 19th 2017 @ 2:20pm | ! Report

        Well Chookie, don’t think me is a greedy man but hey, I wont be on no diet this weekend, no sir!

        You go on ahead now and get your kicks from ole Mother England over there, that will do the trick I reckon, just the tonic before them Ashes start in a few moons or so.

        Go on now, before there is trouble with the women folk, squabbling like chickens.

        • Roar Guru

          October 19th 2017 @ 2:39pm
          Machooka said | October 19th 2017 @ 2:39pm | ! Report

          Me keen and greedy for like plenty, plenty… 🙂

    • October 19th 2017 @ 8:47am
      Buddy boy said | October 19th 2017 @ 8:47am | ! Report

      England, no…nz…wai a minute…Eng…no….I hate this article.

    • October 19th 2017 @ 9:01am
      Rugbyfan101 said | October 19th 2017 @ 9:01am | ! Report

      I want both, but in the spirit of the article if I can only have one it would be beating the all blacks. i think to feel like we’ve made progress we need to beat the all blacks at least once. Also if the wallabies don’t win then It’s clean sweep in super rugby and internationals. What an awful stat

      • October 19th 2017 @ 9:39am
        Kane said | October 19th 2017 @ 9:39am | ! Report

        Flip side though if you beat NZ then lose to ENG have you peaked and then fallen away again?

        Personally I think NZ by -12 and then the Wallabies to beat England -12

    • October 19th 2017 @ 9:10am
      Canetragic said | October 19th 2017 @ 9:10am | ! Report

      That is just evil Nick!

    • October 19th 2017 @ 9:22am
      P2R2 said | October 19th 2017 @ 9:22am | ! Report

      It will be a clean sweep for NZ over AUS (sadly) I just wish AUS would get over this Cheika-Syndrome of not calling the ABs the ABs rather using NZ….I am sure I have heard him refer to the WBs and the WBs and not AUSTRALIA – what is this nonsense…..

      • Roar Rookie

        October 19th 2017 @ 5:05pm
        Sage said | October 19th 2017 @ 5:05pm | ! Report

        Did you actually read the article?

        • October 19th 2017 @ 8:02pm
          Ken Catchpole's Other Leg said | October 19th 2017 @ 8:02pm | ! Report

          Sage, some folk don’t need to read the article.
          Their comments are Pre-prepared.

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