After six years of failed relaunches, Australians have finally fallen in love with the iPat 6.
Much to the chagrin of locals, the iPat – the multi-functional smart device also known as Pat Cummins – has never enjoyed a product release timed for an Australian Test summer.
Since its soft launch offshore in 2011 as a little-known boutique product, the iPat has become renowned for only operating in certain formats and regions.
But despite returning sporadic-yet-exceptional results in far-off domains like Africa, Asia and Penrith, Australia was always robbed of the product’s convenience at home as it continually failed to launch locally.
Such has been the desperation for the iPat, experts have long debated the cause of its failure to penetrate the local market.
While some blame a range of manufacturing setbacks brought about by conflicts over target formats, most agree it was software glitches caused by the unfortunate intrusion of medicine and sports science.
At its lowest ebb, it was the disproportionate influence of the latter that resulted in comical postponements of the iPat, with local reveals repeatedly shelved while the product was both fit and sick.
This even caused Australians to actually question the role of medicine and science. Could both really be considered vital to the sustainability of mankind if they were responsible for wasting another one of our seamers?
But following six years out of the local mainstream, the iPat has shaken off the bugs to finally sit where it belongs; consistently in the front shop window of an Australian summer, lidding Poms on free-to-air television.
(Photo by Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)
This summer’s new model iPat 6 has sent the local market into a frenzy, pampering consumers with a raft of new features and the crystal blue eyes of an avatar.
With its athletic design and reinforced aluminium back, it can do anything from providing a cerebral line to dry up an end, all the way to ferociously attacking the throat from around the wicket.
Additionally, the product’s long-life battery keeps it going like the clappers in the deep, while its state-of-the-art operating system is so intelligent, nothing it does should ever need reviewing.
But of most excitement, the iPat 6’s software has been updated to include the feature of optically-lush batting.
Combining Buddha patience and 360 strokeplay, the iPat 6’s batsmanship is of such reliability, consumers are forecast to unfairly apply pressure to be an all-rounder by February.
As seen so far this Ashes summer, the iPat 6 possesses all the hallmarks of the market’s premium devices. As in, you will spend hours staring at it to the detriment of human interaction.
With the product finally providing consistent enhancement to our lives after a long wait, you’d be forgiven for thinking; how the hell have we lived without him?
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