It’s the distant future, the year 2080. Cars are flying, Cameron Smith is approaching retirement, and Sonny Bill Williams remains linked to the Roosters from the afterlife.
Following a horde of tenuous reasoning, desperate media outlets report Williams’ return to the club is a “done deal”, despite the dual-code star no longer being of this Earth.
The story goes to print after sources quote “good mail” spotting his ghost floating past the Easts Leagues Club on the way to meeting his maker.
The sighting is sufficient to prove the Kiwi’s Tweet of 72 years previous to be a comeback announcement, finally signifying he really does want to be “apart” from the All Blacks and not “a part”, as nobody ever makes spelling errors on social media.
As for the contractual hurdle of being non-existent, the media’s legal sources gleefully confirm his lifetime agreement with Nick Politis extends to include The Great Beyond.
They also debunk concerns Williams may struggle with the rigours of a return to the professional ranks, with independent medical advice revealing his idle chassis being would require less medical attention than Josh Dugan.
AAP Image/Action Photographics, Renee McKay
The New Zealand Rugby Union also declare they won’t stand in the way, confirming the dual international will not be considered in the All Blacks’ plans for the 2083 World Cup due to a “lack of presence”.
In response, the NRL denies an approach has been received from Williams’ management, and that accommodating his return would be a “low priority” as they continue focusing on their crackdown on the play-the-ball.
The Roosters also deny any talks have taken place, but admit to bearing the abundance of salary cap space required to sign the superstar following an audit from an independent financial specialist, Jake Friend Junior.
The club also concedes being enticed by the prospect of recruiting a dead person, as at least it won’t flee to Toulon in the middle of the night.
When approached for comment on the rumours, the cross-code superstar was tight-lipped.
However, those close to him believe he is attracted by the prospect of creating history as sport’s inaugural cross-code cadaver, and the first inanimate object to play first grade since Tony Williams.
While mourning his client’s passing, Williams’ agent, Khoder Nasser, remains available to discuss marketing opportunities.
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