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It only points to one conclusion

26th March, 2018
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Cameron Bancroft of Australia talks to the umpire. (AP Photo/Halden Krog)
Expert
26th March, 2018
59
2200 Reads

Australian cricket, well cricket in general come to think of it, has rightly been rocked by the ball tampering scandal.

On the evidence I’ve seen, it only points to one conclusion.

C – is for Cameras
Every Test match is on TV.

The Caribbean, Asia, Africa, England, Australasia and, in the not too distant future, Ireland.

If a Test match is being played it is being televised.

And to televise an international cricketing contest to the high standard expected in 2018 you require cameras. And the respective companies provide, with every conceivable angle covered, a lot of cameras.

H – is for Headbutting
Not the headbutting of Jonny Bairstow fame but that of the line, Cue Nathan Lyon of pre-series vintage: ‘We know where the line is. We headbutt it, but we don’t go over it.’

Well this wasn’t merely a headbutting of the line, a pushing of the boundaries without actually breaking the fence.

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This was the headbutt, a few hefty kicks and a parting foul-mouthed tirade in its general direction. Up yours line.

Nathan Lyon

(Photo by Ashley Vlotman/Gallo Images/Getty Images)

E – is for Enterprise
How to carry out the plan? Covertly or overtly? With panache or in a rudimentary fashion? Individual or collective? Decisions, decisions.

And then you need the necessary equipment. How to get it, how to use it, how to hide it. Decisions, decisions.

A – is for Abrasion
Reverse swing isn’t an exact science but there are a few common denominators for it to occur and one of those is an abrasive surface.

Get one side of the ball properly scuffed up and keep the other one in a decent condition and, if your bowlers know what they’re doing, there’s a good chance the ball might reverse.

What every cricketer worth his salt knows – and even those worth not even this know – is that you can’t use anything ‘foreign’ to alter the condition of the ball.

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It isn’t that tricky to understand, it really isn’t.

T – is for Timing
This has been a bad-tempered series. The talk beforehand hinted at as much and the protagonists have done their level best to live up to the hype.

Warner vs de Kock, Rabada vs Smith, the Newlands crowd vs Warner, Everyone vs Everyone. When more column inches are dedicated to who said what to who rather then who scored how many or took how many, something is amiss.

Yet it was almost impossible to miss the irony in the timing. Hours after a complaint had been submitted regarding the abuse dished out by sections of the Cape Town audience towards the tourists, a proverbial shotgun was aimed squarely at both feet.

By all means sit on your moral high chair, just don’t do it while drunk.

Cameron Bancroft

(AP Photo/Halden Krog)

I – is for Idiocy
The individual for carrying it out.

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The ‘leadership group’ – a contradiction in terms in this case, surely – for even thinking it up.

The captain for believing it was, in any sense at all, a good idea.

The attempt to try and cover it up when blatantly caught with hands in the till.

Take your pick because each is as idiotic as the other.

N – is for News
When numerous front pages, editorials and lead TV news stories are focussed on a sporting story it is clear the impact is far-reaching.

Scandal follows the adage of there being no news like bad news and the all-encompassing nature of social media has only served to exaggerate the effect.

The identity of those involved and the sheer audacity and pre-meditated nature of the act has heightened the sense of shock and seen to that.

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Make no mistake, this is a big deal and it isn’t going away anytime soon,

G – is for Guilty
Steve Smith was (is) in charge and, as such, was always going to have to have his say.

Of course it was contrite, of course it was sheepish and he can hardly be blamed for veering towards self-preservation but if it felt, unwittingly no doubt, like the final mutterings of a condemned man, nobody should be surprised.

“It’s not what we want to see in the game…” – no it isn’t.

“… it’s not what the Australian cricket team is about” – that may be the case but good luck convincing people otherwise now.

“Being the leader of the team I’m incredibly sorry for trying to bring the game into disrepute…” – Trying? You did better than that.

“I’m not proud of what’s happened” – so you shouldn’t be.

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“It’s not within the spirit of the game” – as sharp as a tack.

“I won’t be considering stepping down…. I still think I’m the right person for the job” – no, I’m afraid you’re not.

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