Brisbane Roar: The musical!

TK Roar Rookie

By TK, TK is a Roar Rookie

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18 Have your say

    It’s pre-season and John and Ross Aloisi sit together, smoking cigars in front of a whiteboard.

    Red wine bottles and pizza boxes are scattered all over the furniture in the smoky, dim room. A complex algorithm is on the whiteboard, with calculations showing the positions Roar players will play on the field – positions which bear little resemblance to their natural positions.

    The brothers laugh and pat each other on the back for the dastardly plan they have hatched to outfox opposition coaches.

    Scene 2: ‘Long way to the top’ – AC/DC
    Round 6 and the team sit bottom of the League. Ross brings in a clairvoyant friend, who produces Tarot cards and the ten of swords – sickness and injury.

    Ross shows her the door and nervously laughs to John that he never really believed that stuff anyway, but that she had predicted CEO Mark Kingsman’s demise when he was round at her place last weekend.

    Scene 3: ‘Another one bites the dust’ – Queen
    Round 12 and a morose-looking John walks through a hospital ward filled with orange-clad players lying in beds, sitting in wheelchairs, hobbling on crutches and nursing plaster casts. Checking off the roll in a dejected voice Ross ticks off the names on his clipboard.

    Matt McKay, dressed as Freddy Mercury, walks into the ward with a suitcase and opens it to reveal bundles of cash. “More than one million dollars worth of talent out,” he yells – tipping the cash out on the floor and stomping off.

    Scene 4: ‘Under pressure’ – David Bowie and Queen
    Round 17 and the team sit in eighth. Fans are unhappy, crowds fall, Suncorp closes half its food and drink outlets and cuts back on security. There are calls for John’s sacking and he gets the dreaded ‘full support’ statement from the chairman.

    The situation gets worse for the club when the numbers fall off the back of some of the team shirts in their Asian Champions League match – a loss to Ceres-Negros at Robina.

    John stands defiantly in the middle of the stage behind an ironing board holding an iron – behind him flashing up on a screen are the headlines and pictures of strapping tape numbers on the back of Eric Bautheac’s shirt. He shouts, “It isn’t my job to manage the kit!”

    A new image of Craig Moore standing in his garden holding a pair of secateurs is beamed onto the screen before the stage fades to black.

    Scene 5: ‘My happiness’ – Powderfinger
    Round 25 and the team have won six and drawn one from the last nine, including a win over the premiers, Sydney – 19 points from a possible 27.

    John and the team stand on stage and smile at the audience while Ross manipulates a representation of the A-League ladder like a bookie adjusting the tote to put Brisbane in sixth spot – in the mix for the finals.

    At the back of the stage there is a discarded pile of medical equipment – wheelchairs, crutches, bandages, cut off plaster casts, walking sticks and zimmer frames. John walks over, pours petrol on it all and sets it alight, spreads his arms wide, lets out a demonic cackle, and shouts at the sky, “I told you we’d come good at the end of the season!”

    Scene 6: ‘Eye of the tiger’ – Survivor
    Round 26 and after a loss to the Wanderers, the club sits equal seventh with Perth. The final game is against the Glory in Perth. A cardboard cut-out of a cloud with ‘finals dream’ emblazoned in orange fluorescent text on a background of silver glitter hangs by a thread above the stage.

    Ross scribbles on a whiteboard in the corner and yells to John, who is sitting on stage with his head in his hands, “Hey John, if we beat Perth and Adelaide beat the Wanderers – we are in it! Or, ummm, if we have a score draw with Perth and Wanderers lose without scoring we are in it too.”

    A courier walks on stage and delivers a book depository parcel to John. He opens the package and unwraps a copy of ‘The power of positive thinking’ by Norman Vincent Peale.

    The final Scene: ‘I’m still standing’ – Eton John
    Round 27 is over. John stands triumphantly and fist pumps the air as the screen replays the goals that give Brisbane the essential win over Perth.

    The next video shows Ryan Kitto slotting home at the back post to consign the Western Sydney Wanderers to a 3-2 defeat against Adelaide, guaranteeing Brisbane a spot in the final six.

    Ross and John race across stage to high five each other. John pulls the book from his coat pocket. “I knew it!” he shouts as he slaps Ross repeatedly on the back. “I never stopped believing we could succeed this weekend.”

    Ross leaves and reappears with the players carrying bags full of McDonalds. John asks, “What are you guys doing with all that Macca’s Rossco?”

    Ross laughs and replies, “Well they reckon if you spend more than ten bucks at Macca’s, you can win through to the grand final, so we just took the minibus to the drive through – we’ve got 19 chances to win through now, Johnny!”

    Everyone laughs at the joke and they all leave the stage as the lights fade to black.

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    The Crowd Says (18)

    • Roar Rookie

      April 16th 2018 @ 6:59am
      Waz said | April 16th 2018 @ 6:59am | ! Report

      ha ha, probably one of the most well thought-through articles on the Roar this year. Well played 😂

    • April 16th 2018 @ 7:04am
      KJ said | April 16th 2018 @ 7:04am | ! Report

      Brilliant! 😂😂

    • April 16th 2018 @ 7:19am
      Buddy said | April 16th 2018 @ 7:19am | ! Report

      That was a pleasant change for Monday morning reading thank you. Will there be an addendum after next weekend’s sojourn down south I wonder?

      • Roar Rookie

        April 16th 2018 @ 8:34am
        Stevo said | April 16th 2018 @ 8:34am | ! Report

        Read below 😉

    • April 16th 2018 @ 7:21am
      Football is Life said | April 16th 2018 @ 7:21am | ! Report

      Football is a game of highs and lows, of frustration and heartbreak and the a-league brings it in buckets. Ya gotta love it! And we go through it all for the Golden Toilet Seat. Cannot wait for the finals and next season, bring it on!! May the game continue to grow. In the meantime bring on the ice hockey. If you have never paid a visit to the AIHL do yourself a favour l

    • April 16th 2018 @ 7:27am
      Cool N Cold said | April 16th 2018 @ 7:27am | ! Report

      The Scene 5 is not exactly true. Papa got injured seriously to end the season followed by Bowle’s injury right before the last match. Actually, injuries kept coming.

      • April 16th 2018 @ 9:23am
        Lionheart said | April 16th 2018 @ 9:23am | ! Report

        and DeVeere, Brown, North, Caletti plus Papa and Bowlsey still missing

    • Roar Rookie

      April 16th 2018 @ 8:33am
      Stevo said | April 16th 2018 @ 8:33am | ! Report

      Hahaha, nice one 🙂

      Now for the “Elimination scene” this Friday. Johnny, we gonna do you over slowly!

      • April 16th 2018 @ 8:50am
        Buddy said | April 16th 2018 @ 8:50am | ! Report

        Yes but what will the music be like?

        • April 16th 2018 @ 11:22am
          Realist said | April 16th 2018 @ 11:22am | ! Report

          Time to say Goodbye – Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman

      • April 16th 2018 @ 9:08am
        TK said | April 16th 2018 @ 9:08am | ! Report

        Glad people are enjoying the light relief after a frenetic weekend of games with their attending machinations.

        Steve 3 weeks ago I would have tended to agree about city but the struggle against CCM and the loss to the nix surprised me. But all the pressure is on city I feel. Brisbane just scraped in but the city group will be expected to win. That pressure can do strange things to a team.

        • Roar Rookie

          April 16th 2018 @ 8:13pm
          Stevo said | April 16th 2018 @ 8:13pm | ! Report

          I was gloomy after the loss to the Nux but got re-energised when I found out Brissy were our opponents this Friday 🙂

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