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Ricky Stuart issues crackdown on comfortable leads

Dane Eldridge Columnist

By Dane Eldridge, Dane Eldridge is a Roar Expert

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10 Have your say

    Ricky Stuart has implemented a bold blueprint to help the Raiders stamp out crucial faults costing them games, such as building leads.

    Starting from today’s match against the Dragons, the coach has warned that any player found contributing to the danger of a comfortable buffer – something historically renowned for presenting most sides the easiest path to victory – will face a lengthy suspension.

    Stuart has adopted the plan following the Raiders’ recent series of hopeless collapses, with the grand vision for his side to eventually master the fine art of winning games without ever being in front.

    Canberra Raiders coach Ricky Stuart

    Ricky Stuart (AAP Image/Dean Lewins)

    Despite the tactic of constructing a points advantage over your opponent remaining somewhat fashionable for over a century, Canberra have somehow transformed the concept in to a habitual hope-gouging risk that inflicts feral anxiety on their fans.

    Such is it’s predictability, the team’s weekly capitulation is now brought to you by Belconnen Nissan, where you can ‘snatch a deal from the jaws of victory.’

    Stuart has laboured in vain to address the issue with all manner of witchcraft such as positional switches, logistical overhauls and even niche psychological therapies like just giving the ball to Leipana.

    Consideration was even given to renegotiating all existing contracts to be strictly short-term, bringing them in line with the playing group’s attention span. But this never formulated after the club became distracted by something on youTube.

    However, the former Origin coach believes he has found the “foolproof unorthodoxy” to finally reverse his side’s image as the foolish white guy leading the marathon who is invariably lapped by Kenyans to finish a valiant 46th.

    Adopting the old rugby league fundamental of ‘nothing good happens when you’re in front,’ Stuart concludes that not striving for a scoreboard advantage is the only way to return to the winners circle.

    He will now indoctrinate his players that leads are now as “welcome in Canberra as Todd Carney” and a greater danger to the town than rogue kangaroos and Jack Wighton’s hands.

    But he stopped short of a complete radical overhaul, confirming the plan will remain underpinned by basic fundamentals like completing sets, kicking to corners and axing point-scoring liabilities like Jarrod Croker.

    Stuart boasted the strategy will also benefit fans, as it will grant them the long-awaited privilege of leaving games early due to disgust and not fear.

    But while hopeful of immediate results, he admitted the news was not well received by his players.

    “I’ve got a lot of blokes hurting in there” the coach lamented.

    “Probably because I just broke the news that a game runs for 80 minutes.”

    In the interim, Stuart will also speak to the referees boss about the unfair bias of officials who award his team points.

    Dane Eldridge
    Dane Eldridge

    Dane was named best and fairest in the 2004 Bathurst mixed indoor cricket competition. With nothing in the game left to achieve, he immediately retired at his peak to a reclusive life ensconced in the velvet of organised contests. Catch the man on Twitter @eld2_0.

    State of Origin 2 is here, with the Blues looking to wrap the 2018 series up and the Maroons hoping to keep it alive and force a decider. Follow along with our NSW vs QLD Origin 2 live scores and blog.

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    The Crowd Says (10)

    • May 20th 2018 @ 8:29am
      Paul said | May 20th 2018 @ 8:29am | ! Report

      I hope Ricky’s plan to come a distant second works against my Dragons this afternoon? I’d have no problems listening to him blaming the refs, the lack of snow or Pauline Hansen if my guys win comfortably.

      • Columnist

        May 20th 2018 @ 9:16am
        Dane Eldridge said | May 20th 2018 @ 9:16am | ! Report

        Paul, if I know stubborn Rick, he’ll follow his plan to its bitter outcome

    • May 20th 2018 @ 9:33am
      Geoff from Bruce Stadium said | May 20th 2018 @ 9:33am | ! Report

      I was prepared to hate this article Dane as a staunch Raiders supporter but couldn’t hold back on a few chuckles, Who knows what the script writers are preparing for today’s game at Mudgee. Could be anything. I’m sure my life span has been shortened by adopting the Raiders as my NRL team.

      • Columnist

        May 20th 2018 @ 11:42am
        Dane Eldridge said | May 20th 2018 @ 11:42am | ! Report

        Glad you liked it, Geoff from B. I’ve never met you, but as a Raiders fan who remains so by choice, I immensely respect your strength

    • May 20th 2018 @ 10:01am
      kk said | May 20th 2018 @ 10:01am | ! Report

      Dane, o’ Dane,

      You must owe Gore a favour.

      Contaminating the pages of the Roar with a talk up (or down) of a Raiders Assistance Plan is no
      laughing matter. Tim gets emotional about his team which is mow little more than the spectacular
      clap and blowing its big Viking horn. Ricky’s boys simply don’t know how to space their fight.

      Ricky needs Fuchs, the preferred lubricant of Warwick based freight liners. They know a thing
      or two about attention spans and economical use of time and machine. The Raiders are often
      referred to as ‘The Green Machine’ and using the right oil is a key element .Fuchs to the fore.

      In addition to using Fuchs, Ricky could encourage every player to maintain aerodynamic shape
      of body and formation. Minimise the error count by being efficient in the simple fundamentals of
      the game. Deliver every pass properly, L to R or R to L. Eliminate ‘gift ‘ metres to opponents.
      Master these and the comfortable lead will be extended to a winning scoreboard.

      Sorry Dane. The MRC decision and the Manly sin bin fiasco has a lot of blokes hurting.

      • Columnist

        May 20th 2018 @ 11:44am
        Dane Eldridge said | May 20th 2018 @ 11:44am | ! Report

        Ahhhhh, kooka. You’ve done it again. The horn is definitely experiencing some performance issues. Hopefully they won’t be Fuched today, just for our dear Gore’s sake

    • May 20th 2018 @ 2:33pm
      Reg Dong said | May 20th 2018 @ 2:33pm | ! Report

      Can the statement in naming Wighton in particular be contributed to the Coach or to some pretend..”reporter”.
      I for one would hate to think that the coach would use this type of language in describing one of his players.
      I do not believe that he would say that, but from some pretend reporter who likes to re-arrange the truth so that his/her story has more impact and 99% of what they do report is B/S.
      I cannot say any of the Raiders player are as bad as your story makes ,sure there is room for improvement but instead of knocking these men why not get RIGHT BEHIND them.
      I do not know if you have ever played pro football or any but I will bet you that you did not perform at you,own top level every time you ran on.

      • Columnist

        May 20th 2018 @ 4:10pm
        Dane Eldridge said | May 20th 2018 @ 4:10pm | ! Report

        Reg, the only pro football I played was ET’s Rugby League. And you’re right, I was dreadful

    • May 20th 2018 @ 6:15pm
      DP Schaefer said | May 20th 2018 @ 6:15pm | ! Report


      Thanks for another round of chuckles. keep it up, puhleeze..This games can get a bit too serious sometimes. 🙂

      • Columnist

        May 20th 2018 @ 6:37pm
        Dane Eldridge said | May 20th 2018 @ 6:37pm | ! Report

        Much appreciated, DP. Totally agree re seriousness; I just spent the arvo on Twitter

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