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CRISIS MERCHANT EXCLUSIVE: The standalone weekend for Origin 2 is the worst thing to happen to rugby league since community standards.
Even though it will shatter ratings records and further brighten the game’s star on the sporting landscape, how could the NRL organise this and then allow it to happen?
I’ve given the concept every chance to succeed by making my judgement on the Friday before it happens, but I can still only draw one conclusion.
In my decades of tirelessly serving the game with my agendas, this is the first turd of an idea in almost 25 minutes that I believe should send heads rolling at HQ.
If Todd Greenberg is pleading for us to #TalkTheGameUp, then I can only confirm that this Rep Round is not a catheter.
Firstly, let me begin by pulling a piece of charcoal out of the microwave.
Does the CEO not realise an entire weekend without club footy provides a fatal advantage to our rivals?
650 sets of AFL goal posts will already be erected in Campbelltown by the time I finish this sentence, and even FIFA are planning to brazenly capitalise with a tournament in the rugby league heartland of Russia.
Boyd Cordner. (Photo by Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)
It’s safe to say the fans too are terrified about the unavoidable takeover, as evidenced by my straw poll of 500 like-minded luddites on social media.
A landslide 145 per cent of the vote urged the NRL to combat the attacks by immediately reverting to a split round format, an idea which I also originally tore down. This way I can demonise it again and demand a better solution, which is obviously a standalone weekend.
But not only will a six-day preparation for Origin result in a third AFL franchise for Sydney, it will also dramatically dilute the quality of the fixture.
PC lefties will say you need to see a game to judge its standard, but I don’t need evidence to know it will be atrocious. That’s because I haven’t watched a match since 1976, as I’ve been preoccupied trying to spot Spud Carroll ordering a pressed juice in Maroubra.
Upon further forensic inspection, I can also confirm scheduling a game for Sunday night is dumb.
Not only is locking horns with Midsomer Murders commercial suicide, Sunday nights are a traditionally sacred time for families to loathe the imminent return on Monday to the slavery of working for capitalist dogs – and that’s just the players.
Why hasn’t the NRL copied the fabulous ladies Origin fixture by playing the match on a Friday night?
More notably, why hasn’t the NRL copied the ladies fixture by selecting some ladies? It demonstrates again the administration is weasely about social issues, unlike the AFL, who invented women.
Sources also tell me food and drink prices will be a disgrace – apparently they will charge money. I’ve also been warned the game may involve refereeing, and that the telecast will not be commentated by Ray Hadley, Paul Gallen or any of my other sons.
I’m calling upon Greenberg to immediately rectify this by moving the telecast back to Channel Two, right after our paper privatises it.
NRL CEO Todd Greenberg. (Photo by Matt King/Getty Images)
Despite me labelling the standalone Origin weekend as the worst thing for rugby league since rugby league, many will continue to claim I am still biased against rugby league.
But while these haters will perpetuate their conspiracy theories that I am just a closet fan of the skills of other sports like AFL and soccer, I will always believe rugby league remains the Greatest Game of All for kicking.
And if you still think this makes less sense than a mesh roof tile, be warned; I’ve blocked mesh roof tiles on Twitter.
In summary, this disaster would never have eventuated if Greenberg just stopped Artie Beetson from whacking Mick Cronin.
Tune in next week, when I decry other ridiculous ideas like Magic Weekend and free health care.