Exercising his privileges as a losing coach, Kevin Walters has non-ironically referenced the ails of social media when providing reasons for the Maroons’ inept Origin campaign.
Walters blamed the internet to reporters on Monday, firstly by blasting “idiot” keyboard warriors, before going on to complete the holy trinity by also sledging the refs and Lady Luck.
It is Walters’ inaugural condemnation of social media as a coach, and coincides with his first Origin series with a side severely unsaturated in otherworldly talent.
Many believe he had no choice but to attack the trolls after losing blue-chip talent like Johnathan Thurston, Cooper Cronk and Cameron Smith, who withdrew because he had to attend a wedding.
The Queensland clipboard holder now joins a long line of other coaches who have indiscriminately blasted whimsical external factors after coming to the realisation they probably don’t know what they are doing.
However, Walters has already attempted to remedy his directionless blame game by selecting Daly Cherry-Evans for Game 3.
AAP Image/Action Photographics, Grant Trouville
In a fine mark of respect, Walters waited almost eight days after the 18-14 loss in Sydney as a nod to the Blues’ decade-long war against the vile and repugnant folk of the online community.
While not specifying, it is believed the coach was mostly taken aback by jarring and unidentifiable online feedback such as “ressie graders Ben Hunt Jarrod Wallace can’t tie a shoe should never play again aye lol”.
Walters firmly believed online bashing may have contributed to low morale and crap grubbers, with the coach confirming some players in the squad could possibly have social media.
The coach admitted being caught off-guard by the web after never hearing Mal Meninga complain about it once while he pocketed eight series on the trot with the greatest team of all time.
In fact, Walters was seemingly unaware the vile backwater existed before 2018, when Origin was a piece of cake, and that all online discourse on rugby league had been unreservedly congenial until he let down his state.
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He further elaborated, stating he was mostly upset by social media’s indelible transformation of humankind’s behaviours via the vehicle of convenient connectivity to an unadulterated platform for all manner of unverified puerile boneheads, and its cruel GIFs.
Still reeling from its bottomless debasement of societal standards, Walters declared such online abuse is something nobody should ever have to deal with, except if you’re Greg Bird or anyone from New South Wales.
Public reaction has been split towards his sentiments, with sceptics believing he is conveniently invoicing the internet for Queensland’s mass retirement of unconquerable beings, while others simply saying he’s just an old dude who “doesn’t understand the Twitters”.
Prior to Game 3, Walters will enquire to the NRL if Brad Fittler’s side was also exposed to social media to ensure an even playing field.
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