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The crowds piled into Central Coast Stadium, an airy square ground nestled in Grahame Park – named after my great-grandfather, mayor of Gosford in the 1930s – to see Usain Bolt attempt a passable impression of a professional footballer.
Perhaps great-granddad William can feel the full force of my indignation echoing across the thick corporeal membrane.
Mike Mulvey spent the prematch coverage talking mostly around the issue of Bolt’s viability as a footballer – this is a trial after all, and it was billed as such by Fox Sports, though their description took on a more Kafka-esque reading, trapped as we are in this perverse, unexplained reality.
Briefly the issue of Bolt’s lack of mobility was mentioned; Bolt has no trouble reaching top speed over 100 metres provided he has an unobstructed straight-line path down which to do so, but his side-to-side agility and his stop-start quickness is all highly questionable.
Almost as important is the issue of stamina. Not the trundling brand of long-distance stamina marathon runners have – though Bolt doesn’t have that either. No, more the ability to maintain enough energy and appetite to complete a lung-bursting chase down the wing in the 88th minute or the ability to maintain a press as the game drags on into the latter stages. A footballer’s stamina must be able to survive the sudden unpredictable spikes in activity over the full course of a match.
Jack Clisby scored after 20 seconds, a tidy strike from distance capping the very first sequence of the match. The Central Coast Select team are a collection of amateur players, and there was the feeling that, no matter Bolt’s current level, pitting him against a team that have paid to play would not be a fair comparison.
The broadcast, meanwhile, had a permanent Bolt-cam occupying the bottom corner of the screen. When Michael McGlinchey scored the second goal after 11 minutes we cut to Bolt for his reaction.
A third flew in, the result of a high line, a lofted pass and a slightly tardy goalkeeper. Bolt was probably looking at that high line licking his lips. He began to warm up on the sideline, and crowds, with their iPhones out, were following him up and down the length of the field, snapping and smiling.
The exposure argument for Bolt is valid; the coverage the Mariners have garnered since hitching their wagon to the Bolt stallion has been astounding. Fox Sports alone dedicate swollen chunks of airtime to it, and it has appeared in novelty sections of the world’s press.
(AAP Image/Dan Himbrechts)
The crowd here wasn’t a full house, but it was infinitely fuller than it would have been without the sprinter. Central Coast, a bad team for a while now, have been starved for crowds, and it seems as though they’ve decided that being a popular sideshow attraction is worth the mild debasement.
There is a point, though, when the constant legitimising of this stunt becomes intolerable. Robbie Slater was describing it as “a coup”. In fact it is not, and don’t forget that it was Bolt who approached the Mariners.
Dean Heffernan was talking about how it was important for a player to connect to the area in which he plays – again, the trial is ongoing, and Bolt doesn’t yet have a contract, so he isn’t necessarily playing anywhere near Gosford.
Are the Mariners taking a gamble on a player who might potentially improve their team, on whom they will decide using purely football reasons, as they say? Or are they gifting Bolt the opportunity to fulfil a dream, as they also say? Is it all for the publicity, the scale of which they are constantly agape over, to the detriment of the actual recruitment process?
We keep hearing about how humble Bolt has been, how happy he is to be part of the team, how he’ll be treated as such, when we can plainly see how differently he’s being treated. If a normal player on trial could manage only 15 minutes of match action after two weeks of fairly unimpressive training with the team, would he be persisted with indefinitely? Of course not.
Mariners CEO Shaun Mielekamp spoke on the broadcast about how many new sponsors the club are conversing with as a result of this, but these conversations surely hinge on whether Bolt signs for the season. One wonders how the management can make an unbiased decision when this sort of pre-hype is occurring.
Central Coast were now 4-0 up and cruising. Bolt-cam followed Usain into the change rooms. Clisby scored his second goal direct from a corner, 5-0 now. Half-time.
(AAP Image/Dan Himbrechts)
The Mariners have finished either eighth or tenth in the league in each of the last four seasons. In the last three years they have been dumped out of the FFA Cup at the Round of 32.
They have accrued fewer points than any other A-League team over the last four seasons and have a goal difference over that period of -103. They were smashed by Adelaide a few weeks ago in the Cup and are in real need of a player who can actually improve their team, who can actually help tow this club out of the doldrums.
Newcastle went from last place to second place last season, proving that with proper squad construction and a coherent tactical approach that suits the team astonishing rebirth can happen over the course of a single off-season.
As the 70th minute approached, Bolt began strapping on his shinpads. When the training shirt came off, the whoops and cheers began. With 95 on his back, Bolt trotted on with the score at 6-0. He took up a left winger’s position and drifted between the flank and the penalty box seeming pretty unconcerned with tracking back.
The Central Coast Select scored before Bolt had a touch of the ball – a very nice free kick from Tim Knight, preying on the Mariners keeper cheating off his line, expecting a cross.
Bolt was absolutely knackered after five minutes. He was walking slowly and was completely drenched in sweat. As was expected, his touch was heavy, and his positioning wasn’t great.
There was a moment, a few minutes before the end, when Central Coast orchestrated a situation that suited Bolt perfectly – all he needed to do was to run very fast in a straight line towards the back post and a tap-in would be waiting. He ran, but he couldn’t quite get there in time. The crowd’s disappointment was palpable.
Bolt said after the match that it would take four months for him to get fit and in tune with his teammates. If counted from today, that would take us until the end of December. Could this go on for that long? How long will the Mariners and the public humour this?