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A warning for Nathan Cleary: Playing under your dad isn’t much fun‬‬‬

18th September, 2018
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18th September, 2018
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After Penrith’s crushing, one-point loss to the Sharks on Friday night, there was footage of Ivan Cleary consoling his son, Nathan, in a show of family support.

The Panthers halfback missed a pair of drop-goal attempts in the waning minutes of the game.

The next day, there were reports Nathan was keen to sort out his playing future as soon as possible. The playmaker is off-contract at the end of next year, and it’s hard to ignore the fact that he and his father have previously expressed an ambition to be united at one club.

When Penrith fired coach Anthony Griffin on the eve of the finals, there was plenty of talk that the Cleary professional ‘family reunion’ may happen sooner than expected, at the foot of the mountains. It was eventually squashed by Ivan, who said he would honour his contract at the Wests Tigers.

Yet, with Nathan expressing a desire to sign his next deal soon, the rumour mill of him moving to Concord will no doubt fire up again shortly – although, given the whispers around Cleary the younger penning an extension to stay with the Panthers, there will probably be more chat around Ivan going to Penrith.

However, I have a slight word of warning: a father-son coaching partnership may not be as much fun as they think.

Roughly 50 per cent of my representative basketball as a kid and young adult was played under my dad, and though it did derive some positives, I’d use the word ‘fun’ sparingly. Being coached by my old man actually came with a number of challenging ramifications, and I didn’t even play professionally.

It’s safe to say that first-grade rugby league – especially in this era – would be even harder.‬

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Firstly, players need to be able to vent about their coach to each other. They need to be able to complain about their role, tactics, playing time, training, the coach picking on them, etc. It’s a normal dynamic for players to have the odd whinge about their coach, and it’s no different to employees in any work environment letting off steam about their boss.

That dynamic can be thrown out when the coach is the parent of one of the players.

Many team members won’t feel comfortable talking negatively about the coach around his son – even if it’s fairly trivial stuff – because they don’t want their teammate to feel awkward, or for fear he’ll relay the comments back to his dad. That immediately creates a tension and weirdness that can lead to some ostracising, whether intentional or not.

Even if the players do feel comfortable venting about the coach, it’s unquestionably hard for the son to not be at least a little defensive or protective of his father, even if it’s kept internal and not vocalised to the rest of the playing group.

Through no real fault of anyone, suddenly a sub-optimal situation exists. At best, you have a player – in the Cleary hypothetical, a crucial one – who can feel uncomfortable. At worst, the entire changeroom can have a weird vibe to it.

Nathan Cleary

(Photo by Anthony Au-Yeung/Getty Images)

Needless to say, neither scenario is all that conducive to winning games.

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The other narrative that is never far from the surface in a coach-player relationship that includes a son or daughter, is nepotism.

The benefit of having your dad be your coach is that no one knows your game better than someone who has watched you your whole life. When a coach knows your strengths and weaknesses inside and out, they can ensure you’re in the best position to succeed.

Of course, there is a downside to a father believing he knows his kid’s strengths and weaknesses: he may overrate or underrate them, respectively.

Dads are known for often being a little bit biased in their assessment of their children’s abilities, and when any coach thinks a certain player is better than they actually are, it generally causes all many of issues for the team.

The truth is, even if the parent-coach does rate his child’s ability correctly, that won’t stop many believing they’re still playing favourites, as jealousy and ego come into play. Whatever the reality is, is almost as irrelevant as it is subjective.

Another issue that can arise is when the parent-coach goes out of his way to prove he won’t be playing favourites and is even harsher on his kid than is warranted.

One season, in the very first trial session, my dad introduced himself to the whole squad of potential players, and said, “You can call me Shaun, Coach, or Mr O’Connell”.

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He then asked every player to call out their name, along with what they were going to call him.

When he got to me, I assumed he’d just skip to the next player. I looked blankly at him for a few seconds, before blurting out “Um… Ryan… Dad.”

He then bellowed: “There’s always one who doesn’t listen! I said ‘Shaun, Coach, or Mr O’Connell!’ Two line-sprints, now!”

(For the uninitiated, a ‘line sprint’ is a favourite form of fitness/torture for basketball coaches.)

This was far from an isolated case in which my ‘coach’ was determined to prove there would be no favouritism, and while I can understand why he did it, I can assure you, it wasn’t much fun being singled out in order for him to make a point.

Here’s the kicker though: it didn’t work anyway. Even the daftest of players could see through it. It was transparent and didn’t stop some players thinking I was getting preferential treatment, in the form of more minutes, shots or control of the team. I just had to deal with it the best I could.

However, fact is, I actually did get preferential treatment at times, and possibly didn’t fully deserve some of the minutes or freedom I was given. Looking back now, with objectivity and maturity, I can admit that. It was nothing major or overly-damaging to the team(s), but, with the benefit of hindsight, it most certainly did happen.

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Nathan Cleary seems to have a great relationship with his dad, and Ivan seems like a fair, level-headed coach. Yet everything I mentioned will be the type of things Nathan will have to deal with if he did decide to play under his dad.

Ivan Cleary in a Wests Tigers jacket.

(Photo: Matt King/Getty Images)

Not to mention the media reporting on all of it, and – most probably – even making up plenty of drama as well. It might all prove to be unwanted stress for someone who just wants to play footy.

On the flip side, sharing a grand final win with your old man is pretty darn special, and makes everything else feel irrelevant or worth it.

As they say, winning cures all ails.

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