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If you can’t get up for this grand final, you’re dead inside

29th September, 2018
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29th September, 2018
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In the spirit of NRL season 2018, there’s been a lot of whingeing this week about the fact we’ve got a Melbourne Storm vs Sydney Roosters Grand Final.

Even in these hallowed pages of The Roar we’ve seen negativity seeping in as people compete vigorously to demonstrate just how uninterested they are.

More NRL Grand Final
» MITHEN: Roosters finally meet expectations
» Match report: Sydney smash Storm
» Seven talking points from the match
» WATCH: Video highlights from the match
» Sydney Roosters player ratings
» Melbourne Storm player ratings
» Best and funniest tweets

“It’s the same teams again!” They cry.

“The Roosters/Storm have rorted/cheated/wrestled/refereed their way to the top, so I’m switching off in droves!” scream the fans of 14 teams spending grand final day sharing an esky in their lounge rooms.

Well I’m not having that. If you’re not up for this game you’ve got rocks in your head. Think you’ve got an excuse not to watch? Let me wreck it for you. You’re welcome.

Victor Radley of the Roosters celebrates victory with Jake Friend of the Roosters.

Victor Radley of the Roosters (Photo by Matt King/Getty Images)

They buy everyone else’s best players – they don’t develop their own!
Keep an eye on a few Roosters then. Let’s start with centre Joseph Manu, who’s been at Bondi since he was a teenager (and for mine scored the try of the season against Souths in round 22). Origin star Latrell Mitchell (also been there since his teen years).

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This season’s revelation Victor Radley (same). And don’t forget Paul Momirovski, running on for just his third first grade match.

On the purple side of the ball, how about Brodie Croft? Just a kid filling Cooper Cronk’s place being asked to guide the reigning premiers to back-to-back championships. No pressure.

In the centres against Manu? Curtis Scott. He’s only played 38 games. Did Wests put up much of a fight for Josh Addo-Carr? And remind me – which teams did the Storm steal Felise Kafusi and Suliasi Vunivalu from?

They’re two boring defensive teams!
Really? You’re going with this one? You wish your team defended as well as these two. I know I do.

Defence wins championships and these two are the defensive standard bearers for the competition. But they also bring some of the most potent attacking weapons in the game.

I’ve mentioned Mitchell, Vunivalu and Manu, but there’s James Tupou, Blake Ferguson, James Tedesco, Billy Slater, Cam Munster… Should I continue?

If you want to keep crying about the defensive focus though, here’s a few numbers.

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Our grand finalists finished the regular season with a combined points differential of +354. Both are in the top five in the NRL for tries, try assists and line break assists.

The Roosters averaged 22 points a game, Melbourne the same (Souths had the best attack, they averaged 24ppg). These aren’t two teams who are allergic to the tryline. They just value their own more than everyone else does.

There’s Origin and International talent all over the park. Mitchell vs Will Chambers. Keary vs Munster. JWH vs NAS. And you’re gonna change the channel because you’re sickened by watching quality defence try to handle world-class attack? Come on.

Will Chambers slides through the defence

Melbourne Storm’s Will Chambers Credit:SNPA / Ross Setford

Billy Slater shouldn’t be out there!
Still raging because ‘Billy Slater is a protected species who got away with an obvious shoulder charge and I really really wanted him to miss a grand final’? Gees, you must be fun at parties.

Cry all you want about pecs vs shoulders, but Billy will be playing and he’ll be spectacular as usual in his swansong.

I love Billy Slater. He’s the best fullback I’ve seen. He’s just the right mix of brilliant superstar and dirty bastard. I’m sad that he’s pulling the pin. If you hate him, take solace in the fact that you won’t have to tweet about him any more after this game.

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They both cheat! They’re ref’s favourites!
A quick note on this one – every team in the NRL cheats, or tries to cheat. They fall asleep on the tackled player, ‘accidentally’ get tangled up in the play the ball, put their hand on the ball, pull at elbows and forearms and get up to all manner of general bastardry once the tackling begins.

Your team does it, my team does it. You might think your team doesn’t do it, but they do. They’re just rubbish at ‘tackle tech’. These guys are really, really good at it.

As for the referees? This is a grand final. The whistle will likely only be blown four times – to start and finish each of the 40 minutes.

It will be adjudicated exactly the same as grand finals and origins of yore, and everyone seems to enjoy and encourage that. You want stacks of penalties? Go watch the Wallabies.

I just hate both teams!
Hey, that’s cool. I’m a Canberra Raiders man. I’ve hated every grand finalist since 1994 and I’ve hate-watched more than my share of deciders. No one’s forcing you to love either the salary sombrero brothers or the tag-team champions from down south.

Billy Slater

Billy Slater of the Storm (Photo by Kelly Defina/Getty Images)

But before you hit play on your well worn copy of ‘The Final Winter’, how bout this – you get to watch one of your most hated rivals lose a grand final in (probably) heart breaking scenes! What could be better than that?

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This is going to be a belter of a grand final for us neutrals. There’s less than a cigarette paper between these teams.

Just relax, let the aggro ebb away through your toes and appreciate the best of the best going after each other.

Oh – and make sure you experience Gang of Youths. They’re awesome.

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