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I'm on the Bolt bandwagon - and you should be too

14th October, 2018
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14th October, 2018
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The best thing that could happen for the A-League next weekend is for Brisbane Roar to hammer the Central Coast Mariners in front of 20,000 fans.

That’s not to disparage the Mariners. They may have had a tough time for the past few years, but plenty of A-League fans have a soft spot for the Gosford side.

It’s just that if the Usain Bolt circus is going to roll into town on Sunday afternoon, then the good folks of Brisbane might as well make the most of it.

And if A-League officials are worried that Bolt still resembles the worst player to ever set foot on a professional football pitch, they needn’t stress too much.

Because as soon as Eric Bautheac curls a free-kick into the top corner from 25 yards, the fans who’ve been enticed through the turnstiles by the Bolt sideshow will have suddenly seen a real footballer in action anyway.

Isn’t that the point of keeping Bolt around? To get more people interested in the A-League?

The fact it’s Brisbane Roar facing the Mariners first up is an interesting side note, because judging by the squad John Aloisi has got at his disposal, the Roar should belt the visitors.

And if Adam Taggart can get among the goals this season – just as he’s done in Newcastle and Perth – then the Roar will nail down a top-six spot with ease.

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Adam Taggart of the Glory attacks Jacob Pepper of the Roar at nib Stadium on April 14, 2018 in Perth, Australia.

Adam Taggart during his time with the Perth Glory. (Photo by Ross Swanborough/Getty Images)

But you’re unlikely to read too much about that in the Adelaide Advertiser or the Newcastle Herald.

If the job of local media is to cater to local markets, then the fact every club outside of Sydney and Melbourne seems to fly under the radar at this time of year is completely understandable.

Will Perth Glory justify their considerable outlay? Can Mark Rudan transform Wellington Phoenix? No idea.

We’ve all been so transfixed by the Bolt experiment that it’s easy to forget there are plenty of other important narratives to play out.

As for Bolt, what did we learn on Friday night that we didn’t already know?

Well, for one thing, he can hit a skidding half-volley across his body.

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And for another, nearly six million people will click on a 16-second video online to watch him do so.

As for the rest, he can neither control the ball nor pass, has very little situational awareness, gets beaten in the air despite towering over defenders and is capable of butchering even the simplest of chances.

But here’s the thing. Who cares?

Isn’t Bolt simply living out all our childhood fantasies – that one day, despite an obvious lack of talent, we’d somehow get on the pitch and score a goal, even though it’s clear we don’t belong there?

Is Bolt’s presence really going to turn away the sort of purists who pontificate endlessly about the quality of the A-League, then never turn up at games anyway?

Usain Bolt

(Photo by Matt King/Getty Images)

Bolt is deadset one of the worst players I’ve ever seen set foot on a professional pitch, but it won’t stop me from turning up at Suncorp Stadium on Sunday.

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And if Mariners coach Mike Mulvey reckons a young striker plucked from the NPL might do a better job against the Roar – paging Jordan Murray – I doubt it will prevent him from sending said striker into the fray at Bolt’s expense either.

The reality is the A-League needs a circuit-breaker this season, and Usain Bolt is providing it.

Sure, he doesn’t look like he has the skills to cut it at the top level. But you could say that about a few of the A-League’s previous imports down the years as well.

Whether fans turn up on Sunday because of Bolt, or because they want to see if Mike Mulvey can wreak vengeance on his former club, doesn’t really matter.

The most important story this season is simply that they turn up.

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