Damien ‘The Bowlologist’ Fleming played 20 Tests and 88 ODIs for Australia without once using that nickname. In this excerpt from his autobiography he compares and contrasts the final overs of the two World Cup semi-finals he played.
Freeway of Finality
Coming into bowl the final over of the 1999 World Cup semi-final against South Africa, I felt like I’d gone through the Doorway of Deja Vu.
South Africa needed nine runs to win with their most dangerous batsman, Lance Klusener — The Slogologist — on strike. They had one wicket remaining.
Three years earlier, I’d also bowled the final over of the 1996 World Cup semi-final, against the West Indies. On that occasion, it had been the Wide-Brimmed Hatologist, Richie Richardson, on strike, needing ten runs to win with two wickets in hand.
I had surely entered the Sunroom of Similarity, but, truth be told, the Pathway of Parallels had begun well before the final over.
In both games, we’d batted first and stumbled into the Cafeteria of Collapses. In 1996 we’d been 4/15. In 1999, it wasn’t quite as bad, but at 4/68, it wasn’t particularly great either.
On both occasions, it was Michael Bevan — The Finishologist — who led the recovery. In 1996 with Stuart Law. In 1999 with Steve Waugh.
In 1996 we recovered to 8/207 off our 50 overs. In 1999 it was 213 all out from 49.2. These were reasonable scores given the poor starts but both targets were still very much in the Boulevard of Below-Par Totals.
In 1996, the West Indies got off to a solid start, so the captain threw the ball to Shane Warne — the Gyno… [Editorial note: Damien Fleming had not yet thought up a nickname for Warne at this point] — who took a wicket with his first ball. West Indies 1/25 off 6.1 overs.
In 1999, with South Africa off to an even better start, the captain threw the ball to Warne, who took a wicket with his second ball. South Africa was 1/48 off 12.2 overs.
From there the oppositions’ innings became less similar. To paraphrase The Poetryologist, Robert Frost: “Two Roadways of Run-Chases diverged in a canary-yellow Wood of Wicket-Taking…”
In 1996 the West Indies took the Pathway of Prosperity, cruising untroubled to 2/165. From there they needed just 42 runs from 53 balls to win, with eight wickets in hand.
But when I took a Catch of Calamity-Inducement to get rid of Chanderpaul for 80, the West Indies were 3/165. From there they lost regular wickets in a Flash-Flood of Foolishness. Suddenly they were 4/173 (Harper out for 2), 5/178 (Gibson, 1), 6/183 (Adams, 2), 7/187 (Arthurton, 0) and 8/194 (Bishop, 3).
In 1999 South Africa instead went down the Cul-de-sac of Conservative Consolidation. From 4/61 from 21.2 overs they cautiously recovered to 4/145. But at that point, they needed 69 runs from 57 balls to win. And their attempts to attend the Auditorium of Acceleration resulted in the fall of wickets. Only Klusener’s arrival at the crease saw them close the gap, even as wickets fell at the other end.
The two ‘chasing’ innings had diverged in the middle but now we’d reached the final over in each semi-final. And as I took the ball and entered the Abattoir of Anxiety, I couldn’t help but feel their Sluice of Sameness wash over me.
In 1996 Richardson hit my first ball for four.
In 1999 Klusener did the same.
In both semi-finals I had officially begun worshipping at the Shrine of Shitting Myself.
In 1996 the second ball of my over saw Richardson attempt a Single of Senselessness, only for Curtly Ambrose to be run out by an underarm throw from Ian Healy, the Gloveologist. I then bowled Courtney Walsh with the third ball of the over to give us victory. We had taken 8/37 to win the match.
In 1999 the second ball of my over went less well. Klusener clubbed that one for another four and the scores were now level. From the third ball, with the field in, Allan Donald backed up too far and was almost run out by Darren Lehmann, the Boofologist.
And then the fourth ball…
Klusener mistimed it to mid-off, where Mark Waugh gathered and flicked the ball back to me. By this stage Klusener had completed the match-winning run. Unfortunately for South Africa, Donald had yet to begin.
As Donald took off, I rolled the ball to Adam Gilchrist — the Walkologist — at the other end, not realising it would trigger my own journey to the Mausoleum of Madness.
Prior to that delivery I would have described the ball as ‘rolling down the pitch for a possible victory’.
But now, with its travel seeming to take an eternity, my mind snapped. After what felt like a millennium watching it, the ball was now instead on an Avenue of Ascendancy, a Pathway of Pre-Eminence, a Turnpike of Triumph, a Carriageway of Conquest, an Overpass of Overpowering and so on and so on and so on.
Gilchrist gathered the ball ten thousand years later, completed the run out and we went through to the final against Pakistan, which we won comfortably.
Yes, I had lost my mind. But it was a small sacrifice to win a World Cup. And I’ve long since learned to live with the condition that the Psychologologist would later diagnose as Chronic Alliterative Metaphoritis.
Or, as I prefer to call it, my Whirligig of Wordplay Weirdness.
You won’t find The Autobahn Of Autobiographies in bookstores anytime soon. Instead, you’d be much better off getting your heads on The Instant Cricket Library by The Roar’s very own Dan Liebke, which is full of excerpts from remarkable cricket books, Fleming’s included, none of which you’ve ever read before because they never actually existed. It’s available from http://www.instantcricketlibrary.com/ and all good bookstores.
Check out some of the short-arm pull shots from Rocky Flintoff!
Harshal Patel was not a happy man!
David Lord has been remembered as an icon of Australian sports journalism following his death, aged 84. The renowned writer and broadcaster was an…
Sign the man up for a contract next season!
RCB have suffered a massive HEAD-ACHE after Travis Head smashed the fastest century by an SRH player in just 39 balls, as they amassed…
A brutal century by Travis Head has blasted Sunrisers Hyderabad back into the Indian Premier League play-off places in another match for bowlers to…
